SUSIEQQ62

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HAPPY DECEMBER EVERYONE!

Monday, December 01, 2008

i AM SO GLAD THAT I JOINED SPARKS --I HAVE BEEN FEELING SO TERRIBLY DEPRESSED LATELY AND READING OTHERS STORIES AND ENCOURAGEMENTS AND MOTIVATING ATTITUDES HELPS ME USUALLY.. I AM HAVING A HARD TIME THO THIS TIME--I DO TAKE ANXIETY/DEPRESSION MEDS--AS I SUFFER FROM CLINICAL DEPRESSION--I BELIEVED THAT AFTER I LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME SO HAPPY THAT THE DEPRESSION WOULD LEAVE FOREVER.. UNFORTUNATE;Y IT IS STILL HERE--IT COMES AND GOES--WHEN I HAD MY PSYCH EVAL FOR MY WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY THE PSYCHIATRIST TOLD ME THAT DEPRESSION THAT DOES NOT LAST MORE THAN A FEW DAYS WAS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.. I BELIEVE HIM--BUT THE THOUGHTS THAT KEEP GOING THRU MY MIND LIKE "PEOPLE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME AROUND" AND SUCH AND FEELING LIKE I HAVE NO FRIENDS--MY FAMILY IS WRAPPED UP IN THEIR OWN LIVES AND FORGETS ABOUT ME--MY BROTHER AND SISTER AND NIECES AND NEPHEW THAT IS--I AM SO GLAD FOR MY HUSBAND--HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME AND IF IT WAS NOT FOR HIM--I THINK THAT THE DEVIL WOULD HAVE MADE ME GO THRU WITH DOING MYSELF IN..
I THANK MY GOD--MY SAVIOR FOREVER FOR GIVING THE STRENGTH I NEED TO GET THRU THESE PERIODS--I TRY TO BE SO POSITIVE AND ENCOURAGE OTHERS SO I TAKE MY MIND OFF MY PROBS.. THE HOLIDAYS I GUESS IS JUST MAKING IT HARDER MONEY PROBS--MISSING MY PARENTS AND MY SISTER THAT ARE DEAD--ETC...
IT IS ALWAYS JUST ME AND HUBBY FOR THE HOLIDAYS AS HE ONLY HAS SOME COUSINS WHO LIVE AWAY FROM US--
I JUST CANNOT GET INTO THE HOLIDAYS.. I JUST HAVE TO FOCUS THAT JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON.. PEOPLE ARE HUSSLING AND BUSSLING LIKE MANIACS SHOPPING AND THEY DO NO TNOW OR REMEMBER THAT JESUS IS THE REASON..
PLEASE PRAY FOR ME TO GET OUT OF THIS DEPRESSION.. I AM AT THE END OF MENAPAUSE BUT STILL GO THRU THE MOTIONS SOME--SO I PRAY THAT IS ALL THAT IT IS--BUT WHAT SCARES ME IS THE THOUGHTS I HAVE IN MY HEAD-- I FEEL LIKE I GO TO A DARK PLACE AND I CANNOT GET OUT... I KNOW I NEED TO FIND A CHRISTIAN COUNSELOR --BUT I CANNOT AFFORD A THERAPIST AS MY CO-[AY IS $40 A VISIT WITH A THERAPIST AND THEY ALWAYS WANT YOU TO GO 2-3 TIMES A WEEK--EVEN ONCE A WEEK I COULD NOT AFFORD AS WE ARE BEHIND ON SO MANY BILLS AND MY MEDS COST $300 A MONTH AS IT IS..
I AM HOME ALLL DAY ALONE WHILE HUBBY WORKS--I WANT TO DO SOME VOLUNTEER WORK BUT I GET SICK SO OFTEN AND HAVE TO STAY NEAR THE BATHROOM--I HAVE ALOT OF GAS AND BAD DIARHEA--SORRY--DO NOT WANT TO MAKE ANYONE WITH A WEAK STOMACH SICK.. BUT I DO NOT MAKE IT TO THE BR FAST ENOUGH AND CANNOT RUN THATS FOR SURE WITH A WALKER OR CANE..
I JUST NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE--SORRY TO BRING ANYONE DOWN. I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS LIKE THIS.. I AM SO HAPPY ON THE OURSIDE AND SO DEPRESSED ON THE INSIDE.. SAD....
I FEEL LIKE I JUST HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING WITH MY LIFE.. Y AKNOW THAT WORTHLESS FEELING..

GOD BLESS YOU ALL
STAY SAFE AND MAY YOU ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAYS
SUSIEQ


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  • DORIS0706
    Hi Susie,

    I agree, it would be a good idea to check with the Pastor at your church if you didn't do so already. I'm sure the church is where you would feel comfortable. You have a lot of great posts here, and people who care about you. Please, keep posting when ever you get these feelings, get them out, not bottled up. Remember, we are all here for you and each other. I don't believe wgt loss would be the fix for depression, will make the outside Susie happy, but maybe not the inside Susie, if this makes sense. You made great accomplishments with your wgt loss, I admire you! I'm sure you are proud of your achievements - appearance and health wise - and exercise helps a great deal with stress - it helps me. I don't battle depression, but I'm thinking it would be a good way to work through it. Luckily it is one of the things you can do in your house. And, you may not think so, but you are needed, probably in more ways then you realize. Sometimes people forget to show you, but life is so complicated, you get wrapped up in your own world, you forget to reach out to the ones you love. Most important, Jesus loves you, and your body is your gift. Take care of it, love it and accept it. And I agree, Christmas is too materialistic, how much to spend on this one, that one, Yikes! It's time to remove Santa and bring back the real meaning of Christmas. Well, Santa is fun for the kids, as long as they know the meaning :) My Dad past away 2 years ago, my father-in-law past away just b/4 Easter - I'm sure I will be missing them terribly during the holidays, I miss them very much always, but they are celebrating the most important day with Jesus himself :) That's how I like to think about it. Now my mother-in-law was just diagnosed with colon cancer, and I have a scare myself - I'm going for a colonoscopy on 12/22. Need some of your prayers!

    Oh, this may sound silly, but try hanging some motivational comments around your house, things that would make you feel better about yourself - like accomplishments, photos, goals, etc.. Practice the power of positive thinking. Stay strong, motivated and trust God and yourself to get you through the rough times, and remember, we are hear to listen.

    Doris


    4619 days ago
  • LOSH08
    Hi Susie,

    Hang in there . . . If you can't afford a counselor . . . . does your pastor do any counseling?

    We all go through dark times sometimes! When I was going through my divorce my ex's brother dropped dead unexpectedly the same day as I had my ex served with divorce papers. It was a really bad time for all of us.

    I have always been the strong one in my family . . . supporting, always getting everyone through every crisis . . . this time I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown . . . I felt like I was falling into this black hole and that I was never going to be able to climb out. So much so that it scared me because my dad had committed suicide and I have had those thoughts from time to time over the years . . . I called my doctor who told me to go to the ER and tell them I needed crisis counseling . . . I couldn't bring myself to do that but got an appointment with a counselor for the following day. A friend from church came and stayed with me all day until another friend got off of work and came and stayed late into the night with me. Then the next day I went to the counselor

    Long story short, eventually I made it through.

    Times can be hard especially when you are alone! Although you are lucky to have your husband . . . being alone all day while he is at work with nothing to do but think . . . is not a good thing either! I wish I could think of something to tell you to get involved in!

    In the meantime, drop me an email when you need to vent. Give some thought to having me drop off those cd's by Normal Vincent Peale that I offered . . . at the very least they would occupy your mind for a few hours . . . there are a series of them! Let me know!

    And now I've got to go . . . had a root canal done today so going to go put some ice on my face and hit the couch!

    Take care!

    Diane


    4620 days ago
  • TRACYZABELLE
    Sometimes life gets in the way.. bills,committments, expensive repairs, medications.. but all we cna do is do our best to appease them all. All we can do is our nest right? You will succeed, not to worry and know we are here to be the shoulder to lean on, the listening ear to hear you!

    TracyZ
    4620 days ago
  • RUTHIEBEAR
    Although my life situation is very different than what you are going through, I, too, have a lot of medical issues which keep me from doing what I'd like to and from being productive. SOmething I found I CAn do, is to write notes of encouragement to people - friends, family, church people, neighbors - the list is long. It gets my mind off of my own problems. I feel like I have ministered caring. Maybe you can find something like that to reach out even if you cannot do volunteer work.
    I will be praying for you. I am here if you need me.
    Ruthie emoticon
    4621 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1951302
    I'm glad you are taking meds! I still take a very small dose, but that is more to sleep well (since I am serotonin deficient).

    Going through the change can definitely be depressing. Been there, done that! I am so glad mine is over -- for quite a while now!

    May God bless you!
    4622 days ago
  • CANNOTFATHOM
    Susie you have one of the kind and giving hearts! Family is a relative term.....folks that you choose to hold close to your heart can in many ways be family :) Do not minimize the difference you can make by each of your supportive words :) You are valued! Glad you found the perfect person for you in your husband!

    "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
    Deuteronomy 31:6

    Please keep stopping by the groups you joined :) I know I always appreciate your comments!


    Penny
    4622 days ago
  • BISHOPJ57
    I have felt the worthlessness when I was depressed from my situation. I still get depressed somewhat but I just tell myself that no one can relieve what I am feeling except me. While I was so sick, I even wanted to die due to the pain that I was feeling. As I have progressed, I have found some activities that I can do to make me feel more useful. I went from working a 40 hr third shift workweek in the ER; two or three days a month in another ER on my days off; working one day a month on the ambulance; teaching CPR and selling Avon to sitting in a chair having someone wait on me. I was unable to get up by myself to even get to the porta-pottie. My husband had to bathe me and even sometimes feed me. My medicine caused cataracts and I couldn't see to read or do cross stitch or any activity to keep my mind active. All I could do was sleep and watch TV.

    Thank God and all who prayed for me that I am now able to walk and see again with surgery. I will pray that God will intercede for you and help you out of your depression.


    4622 days ago
  • MVMEME
    you have come a LONG WAY!!!!! i don't think you want to give up, just are hard to motivate yourself...think of everything you couldnt do before...take baby steps...you are an amazing woman...look in the mirror and you CAN see her!!! take care of yourself! emoticon
    4622 days ago
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