Monday, March 09, 2009
So, this week has been a bad week...food wise. I ate everything that wasn't tied down. And I lost 2.6 pounds? How is that possible?
I'm getting nervous because I'm inching towards onderland. And I'm a bit frightened. I don't remember weighing less than 200 pounds since, well I don't know. I have been over 200 pounds, more like 250, all of my adult life. Yes, I got down to 230, but then I would gain the weight back. At my heaviest, that I know of, I was 268.
I feel like I've betrayed my body. All my life, I thought I was a fat girl. That is who I was. I didn't think I could lose the weight. And now, it seems like my body wants to be rid of it. I can't believe I spent all those years hiding under layers of fat. I can see an end. It still off a while, but I can see the end.
And I want to apologize:
I'm sorry, Body. I'm sorry that I stuffed you with high fat, high processed foods. I'm sorry that I would drink at least (yes, at least) half a gallon of pop a day (sometimes a full gallon) and would ignore your need for pure water. I'm sorry that I ignored your need to move, to burn away stress. I'm sorry for thinking that you (the body) was a seperate idenity than me (the personality). And thank you, for not giving up on me. And thank you for showing me what you can do. I hope we have many long years of understanding in between us.