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Thursday, February 25, 2010

So, it has been almost three weeks since I was at the gym!! I really thought this week I'm going to turn it around, but no. Also, my eating has not been so good either. In the past 3 weeks there was a 6kg fluctuation in my weight. 2 up, 2 down, 2 up and now again on the way down - slowly. I know I'm wasting time, energy and not to mention the little motivation that is left. I don't know what happened to perseverance and determination, but these friends I think got tired of me not pulling my weight, so they have also departed.
I know I'm not doing well, cause my sparkfriends are also dwindling.
I am not feeling very happy at this moment.
I went to blogs of people that when I started off, were so inspiring to me. They were even in a magazine. Now I see that they too are struggling even after reaching their goals and having to maintain. It brings two feelings to the surface. One where I feel I am not alone in this, so not the complete failure I thought I was becomming. Secondly I feel despair. If these people cannot keep up with the new and improved lifestyle after reaching such a wonderful goal, how am I going to be able to do it? I've not even reached my goal. I am still obese, no matter how you look at it. Hundred pounds lost Pfft. It says nothing about who I am now and what is going on in my heart and mind. The struggle I have now is not only real, but feels far more severe than two years ago.
Throw in a little bit enabling from family members, and you have a perfect storm.
OH, and this is not just with eating and exercise, this little tumour is spreading into the rest of my life. Demotivation, Disinterest and a few other demons has come to join the party.

It feel like I'm standing at the side of a cliff. I can go either way, depending in which direction the slightest breeze with blow.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I know how you feel. But please know that though we Sparklers don't always respond right away, we DO think about our friends! emoticon

    I wish we could see ourselves the way that others see us. I wish you could see how inspiring you are to me.

    It's hard not to regret gaining the 100 pounds I lost 12 years ago. But it will be harder to be 300 plus 10 years from now.

    So, let's focus on the healthy choices we ARE making (like logging into SP). Never give up.
    4170 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/1/2010 6:35:32 PM
    Dude, it still may be effort once you get to goal weight, but it's totally WORTH it.


    Because this time I have maturity, skills, and perspective that I did not have in my 20s.

    Hang in there. YOU CAN DO THIS, and IT IS WORTH IT.

    Never, ever, EVER give up! Just don't go there!

    P.S. Get yourself to the gym. You'll feel better. Even for just 10 minutes of cardio. I always feel better after cardio. I love me some endorphins... LOL
    4174 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/26/2010 11:40:36 AM
    Darlin' you truly sound depressed. I wish for better times for you. I'm usually around (except Tues & Fri when JF works from home and he needs the computer) and you can count on me for support.

    4175 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3248497
    I really do hate to leave super long comments. I think you know deep down your sparky friends will always be here. I know we may lose some here and there by default. The one thing that really does help me is to blog. Sometimes I blog about nothing until I am ready to say what I have to say. So just come onto spark and blog, let us know you are around. You can make it to the gym or you can do something at home. I haven't been to the gym all week, but I have been doing some things at home. I feel accomplished, it might not be that big calorie burn BUT it's something!

    Take Care
    4175 days ago
  • -KIMMI-
    Karen. ::hugs:: It may feel like your friends are dwindling, but those of us still here still love you and care about you and want to see you succeed with us. You ARE successful no matter how you look at it. You have lost - not will lose - but HAVE ALREADY dropped 100 pounds. Okay, you are having a hard time and I understand that your motivation and determination is lacking, but maybe that is really not it... maybe you are just having a hard time in your life. Maybe you just need to really open your eyes and take a look at what needs to change, because from what you are saying, you need and want to change something. Softly analyze things honey. Figure out what is bothering you most right now and take action on that one thing. We can only do what we can handle doing in that one moment but from moment to moment things do get better. You hang in there honey. You have my e-mails if you need to talk - about anything - or nothing - or whatever. You are still here... you still want to succeed, even if you can't feel that right now.

    4175 days ago
    I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch; living healthy is hard! You are and have always been an inspiration and a great sparkfriend to me. Reading your blog made me think of Miley Cyrus' song, "The Climb". My daughter introduced me to it and it really struck a chord with me.

    "I can almost see it
    That dream I am dreaming
    But there's a voice inside my head saying
    "You'll never reach it"

    Every step I'm taking
    Every move I make feels
    Lost with no direction
    My faith is shaking

    But I gotta keep trying
    Gotta keep my head held high

    There's always gonna be another mountain
    I'm always gonna wanna make it move
    Always gonna be a uphill battle
    Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

    Ain't about how fast I get there
    Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
    It's the climb

    The struggles I'm facing
    The chances I'm taking
    Sometimes might knock me down
    But no, I'm not breaking

    I may not know it
    But these are the moments that
    I'm gonna remember most, yeah
    Just gotta keep going

    And I, I got to be strong
    Just keep pushing on

    'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
    I'm always gonna wanna make it move
    Always gonna be a uphill battle
    Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

    Ain't about how fast I get there
    Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
    It's the climb, yeah!

    There's always gonna be another mountain
    I'm always gonna wanna make it move
    Always gonna be an uphill battle
    Somebody's gonna have to lose

    Ain't about how fast I get there
    Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
    It's the climb, yeah!

    Keep on moving, keep climbing
    Keep the faith, baby
    It's all about, it's all about the climb
    Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa"

    I have faith in you! It's tough but look how far you've come!!!
    4175 days ago
    You know it is not an easy task.. all we can do is take it one bite, one day, one pound at a time and I knwo you can do it girl
    4175 days ago
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