Thursday, February 25, 2010
So, it has been almost three weeks since I was at the gym!! I really thought this week I'm going to turn it around, but no. Also, my eating has not been so good either. In the past 3 weeks there was a 6kg fluctuation in my weight. 2 up, 2 down, 2 up and now again on the way down - slowly. I know I'm wasting time, energy and not to mention the little motivation that is left. I don't know what happened to perseverance and determination, but these friends I think got tired of me not pulling my weight, so they have also departed.
I know I'm not doing well, cause my sparkfriends are also dwindling.
I am not feeling very happy at this moment.
I went to blogs of people that when I started off, were so inspiring to me. They were even in a magazine. Now I see that they too are struggling even after reaching their goals and having to maintain. It brings two feelings to the surface. One where I feel I am not alone in this, so not the complete failure I thought I was becomming. Secondly I feel despair. If these people cannot keep up with the new and improved lifestyle after reaching such a wonderful goal, how am I going to be able to do it? I've not even reached my goal. I am still obese, no matter how you look at it. Hundred pounds lost Pfft. It says nothing about who I am now and what is going on in my heart and mind. The struggle I have now is not only real, but feels far more severe than two years ago.
Throw in a little bit enabling from family members, and you have a perfect storm.
OH, and this is not just with eating and exercise, this little tumour is spreading into the rest of my life. Demotivation, Disinterest and a few other demons has come to join the party.
It feel like I'm standing at the side of a cliff. I can go either way, depending in which direction the slightest breeze with blow.