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Crazy times

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I'm on SP a lot anymore. It feels like I'm not anywhere any more. And then at times as if I'm at a hundred places at once - especially in my head!

I had a little of a panic attack this morning. We wanted to start with the Neurofeedback by the end of March. We ended up doing AIT and EEG tests two weeks later and am only starting with AIT April 26. We also have to start with vision correction somewhere in the meantime. And then conclude with the Neurofeedback. It seems all simplified when putting it down like that, but when taken into account that everyone involved think that their therapy should be the first and that things really shouldn't overlap, it gets a bit tricky. For instance. Vision therapy is an hour long test first then 45 min once a week for eight week. AIT is two weeks, twice a day for a half hour a time. Then Neurofeedback is 45 min 3X a week for the first 10 sessions.( we need to do 20 -40 sessions!!)
Problem: I want to fit it all in before middle June. Go visit my parents for a week or so, come back and restart the second part of Neurofeedback and have my child find school less challenging in the 3rd term. It seems impossible.
Oh, and did I mention that the first session of AIT should be done at half past 7 in the morning so that we could end up only a half hour late for school for 10 schooldays in a row?

My head is spinning.

I'm seeing the teacher this afternoon to have a good long chat with her about it all. Hopefully she is patient and understanding about it all.

Now. I have to confess. With all of this and with Easter and my daughters 5th birthday, I've completely lost the plot on losing weight. I've put food (if you can even call it that) into my mouth I would never have thought of in the past. I've been stuffing down emotions of all kinds with food and drink. - And I didn't even care that I've been doing it.
I look in the mirror and see myself growing. I put on my jeans and feel myself popping out of them. I feel heavy, am heavy and I've become downright lazy. I feel hateful towards myself once again, but not enough to make a change. Not a good place to be.
I am a bad SP ambassador and have no place being here right now. So, I'm lying low. I am going to try and find my spark somewhere within myself in the meantime. I really hope I will soon. I can't bear to go all the way back up to my starting weight and having to do it all over again.

Right now, I can just crawl into bed and stay there for a week or 4 or 8! Doesn't help that Winter has descended upon us here in SA either.....

Calming and loving thoughts would be welcome and needed right now. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You sure have a lot on your plate. Some things you can control and some things you can't. Acknowledge the difference between the two and let go of the things that are out of your hands. I'm sending calming vibes your way. Oh, and oodles of hugs!
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    4123 days ago
    Hi my friend, right now I am sending you lots and lots of calming and loving thoughts - can you feel them? You are having to handle a great deal, and I know from personal experience, that coping is so much harder when it involves your child. All I can say is Vasbyt, and know that these things shall pass.
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    4125 days ago
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    Wow, I can truly feel your anguish through your blog. Know that your SparkFriends are here for you in anyway we can be from miles away. I am sending you a virtual hug right now! I have read your page and viewed your pictures and know that you have the Spark. It may have lowered to a flicker in light of everything that is going on right now, but all it takes is a little fuel and it will be a full blown fire again. I pray you find your fuel and that the Spark will turn into a fire and keep you warm all through the winter there.
    4126 days ago
  • -KIMMI-
    I will be sending you all the loving and calming vibes I can honey. I understand how stress and upset can get to you and especially when dealing with your kids. Often when something is wrong with my kids I would give anything to have it be me instead. I honestly think you are doing just fine with putting your kids ahead of yourself right now, but instead of hating yourself for it, please, please, please, be gentle... love yourself. Have some compassion and understanding for yourself. It's okay right now and it is going to be okay today, tomorrow, and in the future. You just love yourself, hang in there and keep the hope. That spark will come back to you.

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    4126 days ago
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