I'm on SP a lot anymore. It feels like I'm not anywhere any more. And then at times as if I'm at a hundred places at once - especially in my head!
I had a little of a panic attack this morning. We wanted to start with the Neurofeedback by the end of March. We ended up doing AIT and EEG tests two weeks later and am only starting with AIT April 26. We also have to start with vision correction somewhere in the meantime. And then conclude with the Neurofeedback. It seems all simplified when putting it down like that, but when taken into account that everyone involved think that their therapy should be the first and that things really shouldn't overlap, it gets a bit tricky. For instance. Vision therapy is an hour long test first then 45 min once a week for eight week. AIT is two weeks, twice a day for a half hour a time. Then Neurofeedback is 45 min 3X a week for the first 10 sessions.( we need to do 20 -40 sessions!!)
Problem: I want to fit it all in before middle June. Go visit my parents for a week or so, come back and restart the second part of Neurofeedback and have my child find school less challenging in the 3rd term. It seems impossible.
Oh, and did I mention that the first session of AIT should be done at half past 7 in the morning so that we could end up only a half hour late for school for 10 schooldays in a row?
My head is spinning.
I'm seeing the teacher this afternoon to have a good long chat with her about it all. Hopefully she is patient and understanding about it all.
Now. I have to confess. With all of this and with Easter and my daughters 5th birthday, I've completely lost the plot on losing weight. I've put food (if you can even call it that) into my mouth I would never have thought of in the past. I've been stuffing down emotions of all kinds with food and drink. - And I didn't even care that I've been doing it.
I look in the mirror and see myself growing. I put on my jeans and feel myself popping out of them. I feel heavy, am heavy and I've become downright lazy. I feel hateful towards myself once again, but not enough to make a change. Not a good place to be.
I am a bad SP ambassador and have no place being here right now. So, I'm lying low. I am going to try and find my spark somewhere within myself in the meantime. I really hope I will soon. I can't bear to go all the way back up to my starting weight and having to do it all over again.
Right now, I can just crawl into bed and stay there for a week or 4 or 8! Doesn't help that Winter has descended upon us here in SA either.....
Calming and loving thoughts would be welcome and needed right now.