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Growing - isn't always a good thing!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Speaks a thousand words, doesn't it?
There is something terribly and horribly wrong with that picture - and it is not because it is upside down, 'cause it's not!

I ashamedly admitted to myself that I've failed over the past year and that I'm not fulfilling my obligations to my body. This comes after having to unzip my jeans by dinner last night as by then I could no longer tolerate the tightness of the material around my abdomen. My husband gave me a strange look and I just barked at him that I'm getting fat!!
So as of this morning my ticker has moved way back. I know I need to get back to at least doing some kind of exercise, but the excuses are just to many to mention. I definitely have to halt on the bread and other nonsense I've started eating to "curb" the stress and anxiety I have had of late.
Sounds soooo easy doesn't it? Yeah, right. It feels like I have no idea what I'm doing or have to do to make this right.
I've been sticking my head in the sand lately and coming back up for air at times, only to have a glimpse of myself, feeling frantic and then going back into the sand.
No one can help me, but myself.
I find my willpower non-existent, my determination has pulled a disappearing act on me too. But my appetite has certainly soared, not for amounts of food, but for tipes of food - all which is not good for the waistline.
How will I pull myself out of this hole I'm in? Will I be able to manage one step at a time?
I don't want to go back to my starting weight, I'd be devastated to end up there again!!

Hold me in your thoughts and prayers, please - I need to find a way out of this!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You're in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there Karen, we can do this if we take one day at a time!
    Lots of hugs coming your way!
    4114 days ago
    One. Day. At. A. Time.

    Just one day.

    Make it through a day, staying on track. Feel good about that.

    Then the next morning, try and make it through that day.

    Just one day.
    4118 days ago
    emoticon All is not lost. You can jump back on that pony any time you feel so inclined. The worst thing you can do is persecute yourself.

    From the 1st of May let that be your new starting point. I usually start my things on a Sunday because that is the day I was born and it seems to help. Can't say why but it does.

    Reset your clock and place your smaller goals as you did before and you will be victorious.

    Keep on going. We are all so proud of you and what you have achieved under overwhelming odds.

    Praying for you.

    God Bless.

    Heila emoticon
    4118 days ago
    I read this interview in O Magazine (Oprah's mag) with Geneen Roth who wrote "Women Food and God". Something I read made my eyebrows slowly rise, thinking she has a point.

    "...the truth is that kindness, not hatred, is the answer. The shape of your body obeys the shape of your beliefs about love, value and possibility. To change your body you must first understand that which is shaping it. Not fight it. Not force it. Not deprive it. Not shame it....Because if you force and deprive and shame yourself into being thin, you end up a deprived, shamed, fearful person who will also be thin for ten minutes."

    Roth goes on to say that it's not about the weight, it's about what is inside of us.

    "Change, if it to be long lasting, must occur on the unseen levels first. With understanding, inquiry, openness. With the realization that you eat the way you do for lifesaving reasons...there are always good reasons for why (we) turn to food."

    She goes on to describe that it's about our feelings and how, possibly, they simply weren't acknowledged as important. However...

    "As long as we take ourselves to be the child who was hurt by an unconscious parent, we will never grow up."

    Roth holds retreats with students-

    "I tell my retreat students that they need to remember two things: to eat what they want when they're hungry and to feel what they feel when they're not. Inquiry - the feel-what-you-feel part - allows you to relate to your feelings instead of retreat from them. (By using food)

    "Sometimes when I ask students what they are feeling in their bodies, they have no idea. It's been a couple of light years since they felt anything in or about their bodies that wasn't judgement or loathing."

    - April 2010 issue of O Magazine, pages 164 and 165.

    Check out the magazine, give the article a read and if it resonates with you, perhaps the book is worth a read.

    Love and hugs to you my friend.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4119 days ago
  • -KIMMI-
    I know you will figure it out and help yourself Karen, I just know you will!! Hang in there girl, I will be holding you in my thoughts and prayers.

    4119 days ago
    Forget about the past and just figure that this is a new thing you are going to do. Just take one day at a time and do the best you can with that day. Weight loss is puzzling and you can lose one day and gain the next. Who can figure it out? Keep on keepin on!
    4119 days ago
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