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In the midst of it all

Monday, May 10, 2010

I haven't felt like blogging lately. Or coming to SP much. Things, even the smallest of them have become difficult to do.
I have been riding a rollercoaster of emotions the past couple of weeks.
First our car broke down over two weeks ago. We borrowed a friends car for a few days. It was godsend.
We started the AIT (Auditory Integration therapy) for my son. We were dealing with an impatient teacher who expected things to change instantly. I wrote a long letter and tried not to let it upset me. It still did.
My parents came to visit, which is always great as we live a long way away from them. They were here for about 4 days and then took the plane to another city for a week. Luckily we could use their car for the time being.
Then on Monday my MIL passed away. She was ill and we were worried about her. We were planning to visit her on Mothers day, cause we were expecting things to worsen. We would've gone earlier, if we hadn't had visitors and had our own car to drive there. But our plans could never realize. I was worried about my husband, as he still has not begin to mourn his mothers death. I was sad and even angry at her death. She was only 61.
On Friday I met a dear friend I made here on SP. I was elated and blessed by our visit.
On Saturday we went to my MIL's "wake". She left her body to science, so we had to say goodbye quite differently. We went to their favorite pub. My FIL said a few word and read a letter she wrote telling us how to 'celebrate her life'. We listened to a song she loved and then everyone had drinks and ate her favorite food. To say goodbye everyone took a helium balloon when they felt like doing so and with a few words or just a good-bye let the balloon float away.
My parents returned on Saturday evening and left for home the following day. Mothersday was filled with mixed emotions. I was happy to have my Mom with me, but sad about my MIL.
We just got our car back a few minutes ago. It is setting us back R7400!!! Fretting again.

In the midst of all this my weight fluctuated between 133kg and 130,8kg. This morning I was at 131.8kg. I've officially outgrown my jeans and most of my tops I bought last winter, celebrating my weight loss. I need to get back on track, but I feel so empty as if there is nothing I can draw from to make it happen.
So far this year has brought be little joy. And I truly hope that things will turn around so that I can move forward. I know I cannot renew my body, before I have not renewed my mind. And my heart.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Bbut you do know you can come here to get support when you need it-- when all else fails.. sparkies are more than willing to offer emoticon
    4086 days ago
    What a powerful blog, Karen. I am so sorry this year has been so rough for you all. I know the toll teachers can take on a family. And Losing his mom just before mother's day must be so hard. I am so glad you are continuing to write and to check in here on SP. And I'm glad you met your Sparkfriend. Please do what you can to stay healthy. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4091 days ago
    Karen, my dear friend, you have been through so much, especially in the past year it seems. Let's hope and pray that the difficult times are now over, and that you have nothing but rainbows on your horizon.
    Sending big hugs your way!!
    4099 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3248497
    Sorry to hear about everything you have been going through. Things will get better!
    4099 days ago
    Sometimes it seems as if it will never end. I hope that you will find peace and tranquility and a way to cope with all of the challenges. When I have times like these I think of my mother (who died young-56) and how she would always tell me, "God will not give you more then you can handle." Sometimes, that saying makes me smile, and sometimes it makes me angry, but it seems that when I think of it, it always helps me through. God bless you and your family. I hope things turn around for you. emoticon
    4101 days ago
    Poor you! It sounds like life is hard now. Just take it step by step, moment by moment. Live in the now and don't worry about stuff that you have no control over. It really is a waste of energy.

    There are things you DO have control over and that is your job now. Concentrate on your power to control what you eat and how you work out.

    I get that you don't have R7400, but really, can you fix it now? No? Okay. Now we've established that you can' fix that problem right now, you are free to do something within your power, like drink some water and go for a walk. Maybe pray for an answer while on that walk as to how you will pay for the repairs.

    Love and hugs to you and your hubby and remember that everyone grieves in their own way and you can't control that either or find any solace in worrying about how he processes his mother's passing.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4101 days ago
  • -KIMMI-
    Karen... many big hugs your way. Im not sure what to say to make it better. I'm here... emoticon
    4101 days ago
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