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Who am I?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Somehow today I just don't know. I am not sure who I am and who I want to be. I don't even know who I was.

My friend saw the author Geneen Roth on Oprah. She is the author of Woman Food and God. My friend bought copies of the book for us. I just read the Prologue.

My realization is that I am not sure who I am. A person in there says that she was too big and colorful for her mom, who was depressed.

My dad married a lady who did not feel good about herself. My dad married because he did not know how he was going to be a single dad forever. So he married a lady to take care of us. He has told me he knew it was wrong, but felt hopeless and did it anyway.

She married because she was fat and thought that no one else would ever ask her to marry her. So there you have it.

I was a typical kid with all that goes with it. I think that she was afraid of what I would do or say. I was very honest. Most kids are. I was and still am sort of a tell it like it is kind of person. Although now I am more concerned about how people will take it. I try not to say rude or unkind things.

Anyway I wonder if part of my problem is that I am out of touch with myself. If I lost who I am on some level and use food to try to figure it out. On some days I feel like I should be done with this journey. But, then I don't always do what I know I should.

My excuses are:
it is too hard.
I have to do something with the kids
I don't really want to.
I did not get a chance.
I was busy.
I don't know how.
There are so many others.

What would my house look like if I let it reflect the true me?
What would I look like.

The premise of the book is that everything is reflected on the plate. It all is reflected in how we deal with food. Something to think about. It just may be true for me. I kind of think that it is.

What would I be if only I could be who I was meant to be... I just don't know. Will anyone like me if I am that person?

Change is hard.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SMILINGBREYES
    I have to get this book! I've gone through a lot of changes in the last couple years. There is a lot of analyzing who you are and why as well as deciding who you want to be and what you want to change. It does take time. Some of those changes comes from understanding the past as well as visioning your future and facing your fears.
    4051 days ago
  • USARUNNERGIRL
    I get where you are coming from. I wonder the same things about myself. I don't think I have scratched the surface of figuring myself out too. I often see a blurred image of myself. Part of my mission on Spark is to figure out who I am. This is yet another reminder of why I need to pick myself up from my ho hum feelings and get back on task. Thank you for the blog.
    4052 days ago
  • BEEWHATIAM
    Change is hard, but I'm doing so much better now just because DH has changed some of his eating habits too. The kitchen used to be where I spent the majority of my time because great meals were what I thought were expected of me, which was largly true. Now it is more about nutrition and eating simple.
    Keep trying, you are worth it.

    4052 days ago
  • WALKINGGRANDMA
    I have another of her books. I'm not sure I believe all she says, but it is important to take food off the top of our list of important things. It would be nice if I could reach the point where I eat to live rather than live to eat and I'm using some of her principles to reflect when I "want" to eat whether I am hungry or need something else.

    She says when we are letting go of food, we will gain weight for a while because we are learning how to deal differently with it, but will eventually lose the weight because we are thinking differently about our relationship with food.

    It is great "food for thought.,"
    4052 days ago
  • SMILESWITH7KIDS
    Sounds like a good book, I'll have to see if our library has it.
    4052 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6410386
    I read the book in 3 days. And oh my gosh it has given me so much to think about. I'm still trying to process everything and figure out how it fits for me. But I really like what it had to say and it's really making me take a good look at what I've been doing for the past 20 years. My mom and I just had a conversation yesterday about change and how it is so hard. It's also hard to think about me just trusting myself and changing everything I have been doing for so long. Though I have to tell you it's not working for me. What I've been doing. Anyway just wanted you to know that I'm right there with ya.
    4052 days ago
  • OHIOTHRIVER
    Change is hard or everyone would be whatever and look however they would want.
    I will be interested to know what you get from the book. I have looked at it, but haven't bought it.
    What are you planning to do about your excuses since you have identified them? emoticon
    4052 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5959732
    I just got the book today. I'm hoping to find some real inspiration inside.
    4053 days ago
  • FLUFFYE
    Change is definitely hard.

    Most of the things in life that are the right things are not the easy things; lest we'd all be doing the right things for ourselves!
    4053 days ago
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