Balancing then and now.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Busy week last week. My 3rd son finished his eagle project, graduated from high school, church seminary class, turned 18 and had a small party. I was around for all of this, in the background mostly doing what I do best as a mom, I think it is called support. It is great to see all that he has done. To realize that a chapter of our lives together is closing and something new is opening. Exciting times.
I was thinking back to when I was 18. Who I thought I would be now, what I thought I wanted, what I got and who I am now.
I thought I wanted a career when I was in high school. I decided to stay home when I actually had children. That worked out better than I could ever have envisioned.
I wanted a large family. I never had a number. I realized sitting behind a mother in church yesterday that I am in fact content with the number of children that I have. It is OK that the next baby that is mine will be a grandchild. That was an awesome realization that I am OK with that. I cannot imagine. But, I am sure it is closer than I realize.
Yes, there is room for improvement with my children but, in general I am greatly blessed.
I wanted a degree. I still do but, I have have done a good job reading and learning. I continue to do that. I can wait until the right time to finish the formal schooling. Right now this falls on the lacking side of the balance sheet but I am content with that.
All in all I am so very blessed. I am not who I thought I would be. But who I am is good. That is hard to write. But, it is true. I would like to figure out how to put this journey into perspective. I know that is what we share here. But, I have to change what I think about myself and how I think about this journey.
I need to figure out how to put the whole thing on auto pilot and let it take care of itself. I have not figured how to do that. But, it will stop the negatives that run though my head and tell me I cannot do this.
I am happy that my eating is happening more at the table and more thought out. I am paying attention to what I am eating. The starting and when I am full. I am happy that I am learning to stop when I am full.
I am eating on a smaller plate. I like that. I have to pay attention to when I take more. I can take more if I want. But, I pause to ask myself if I am really hungry first.
My exercise is good. At least the cardio is. I would like to improve my weight training.
I am working on a checklist so I can make it more of a habit and less of a worry.