Ruminations on Making your story known to the public
Monday, September 17, 2012
I have my own blog, that is private and for close friends/family. Thus, I've never used this. However, since I was featured in the Huffington post, as well as on the Spark People blog (which got posted to all sorts of other websites), I noticed a great deal of negative commentary that debased me, put me down, and judged me for comments that I'd made in an attempt to condense TWO YEARS of my life into a small, and not very thorough interview. All but the Spark People blog, this was filled with wonderful comments.
I want it noted that the responses on the Spark People blog were very supportive and encouraging. So thank you, to this wonderful community of like minded warriors who are just doing their best everyday!
I guess I have to address one that bothers me the most. It is accusing me of forcing my husband to eat his snacks and unhealthy food away from my presence, as though I still ask that of him. Over the course of a weight loss journey, and the time period of learning how to properly feed yourself, you do need to be strict (at least I did, I was in this for the long haul). This person accused me of doing that with others as well, which I did not. As I was learning, I needed my husband's support, and he was often not very supportive. I had to confront him about it, and talked with him about what I needed from him, and I asked him if he would do it. He agreed. He benefited, and also lost weight. I never railed at him, it was me asking my life partner to make my struggle just that much less of a battle. (and thinking about our sacrifices together brings tears to my eyes)
Now that we have both learned to eat better, this is no longer an issue. It bothers me so much, it just never crossed my mind that someone would pick that ONE thing out of all I said and make assumptions. I suppose that is the nature of the internet. I put myself out there, in hopes that I would inspire others who had been in my situation to make a change, not so that other aspects of my life could be ripped apart by people who have no idea. The only two people that know and understand, are my husband, and myself. I guess perhaps I should have taken an entire paragraph to explain that in my interview, to make it more clear.
Another assumption was that I had divorced a thin husband and married a fat man. WHAT? excuse me!? I've never been married to anyone else. The only thing I could think that perhaps would make someone think this, was that my brother is the handsome man standing next to me in that photo of me in my bridesmaid dress in the Spark People blog (he has always been tall, dark, and handsome as he takes after our native american mother, whom I look nothing like).
Also, I just wanted to vent about the negative and hurtful comments I read in the huffington/other random website's I found my CONDENSED story that I wanted so badly to refute but refused to further subject myself to mean people and so chose not to respond.
These comments were along the lines of: that I would suddenly become fat again, lets see what she looks like after 1 year (hello!? If you read the article you would have seen that by the time the article was written, I had been at my goal weight or within five pounds of it for about a year and a half), once I get a ring on my finger I'd blow up bigger than I'd been (oh right, I forgot, you didn't read the article. I'll have been married for eight years to my high school sweet heart when November rolls around!), that there was no way I could possibly enjoy steamed broccoli and broiled salmon (have you ever heard of herbs? spices? individual tastes? My family loves mushrooms and olives and I can't stand them! Not everyone enjoys the same thing), That it was LUDICRIOUS that I lose weight for an event (baby, I didn't lose it for an event, I lost it after I saw how I looked and realized that I no longer wanted to look that way, that I was sick of being unhealthy, that I wanted to be a better ME, but, you apparently did not read the article).
There were more, but the blog is getting long and my anger and sadness at reading these things again has started to subside. I do not understand why others cannot be happy for achievements that have been made. The struggles that I, and thousands of others are going through/have gone through are real. They are life changing. Give us a bone, give us a break. Let us revel in our successes and embrace the power of the human spirit! Believe that things are possible! I know more than anyone that it is not easy, I know that it continues to be something that I will work hard to succeed in every day for the rest of my life. Instead of bucking against it, I seriously enjoy the challenge that I've given myself. I am realistic. I know I will slip. I know my body will change, and I must change with it, and adapt.
Thank you again, to the never ending support and positive comments of the Spark People community. You are truly all wonderful individuals. I hope that hurtful comments are not made to you during your journey, or at the end of your journey. No matter how much I believe in myself, I hate to say that those words can still put a dent in my armor. The positive words lift my spirit high, and I feel invincible.
I have to remind myself that the general public, especially when given the anonymity of the internet, is more often cruel than friendly. I'm just releasing thoughts in my mind with this post, so I hope I don't catch a bad rap from my outpouring of feeling.
edit: I should add that there were positive, uplifting, and encouraging comments on other sites as well, but it amazed me how many negative ones there were - thus the rant. I guess it is a lesson in not reading what people say!