VALFREYJA
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Ruminations on Making your story known to the public

Monday, September 17, 2012

I have my own blog, that is private and for close friends/family. Thus, I've never used this. However, since I was featured in the Huffington post, as well as on the Spark People blog (which got posted to all sorts of other websites), I noticed a great deal of negative commentary that debased me, put me down, and judged me for comments that I'd made in an attempt to condense TWO YEARS of my life into a small, and not very thorough interview. All but the Spark People blog, this was filled with wonderful comments.

I want it noted that the responses on the Spark People blog were very supportive and encouraging. So thank you, to this wonderful community of like minded warriors who are just doing their best everyday!

I guess I have to address one that bothers me the most. It is accusing me of forcing my husband to eat his snacks and unhealthy food away from my presence, as though I still ask that of him. Over the course of a weight loss journey, and the time period of learning how to properly feed yourself, you do need to be strict (at least I did, I was in this for the long haul). This person accused me of doing that with others as well, which I did not. As I was learning, I needed my husband's support, and he was often not very supportive. I had to confront him about it, and talked with him about what I needed from him, and I asked him if he would do it. He agreed. He benefited, and also lost weight. I never railed at him, it was me asking my life partner to make my struggle just that much less of a battle. (and thinking about our sacrifices together brings tears to my eyes)

Now that we have both learned to eat better, this is no longer an issue. It bothers me so much, it just never crossed my mind that someone would pick that ONE thing out of all I said and make assumptions. I suppose that is the nature of the internet. I put myself out there, in hopes that I would inspire others who had been in my situation to make a change, not so that other aspects of my life could be ripped apart by people who have no idea. The only two people that know and understand, are my husband, and myself. I guess perhaps I should have taken an entire paragraph to explain that in my interview, to make it more clear.

Another assumption was that I had divorced a thin husband and married a fat man. WHAT? excuse me!? I've never been married to anyone else. The only thing I could think that perhaps would make someone think this, was that my brother is the handsome man standing next to me in that photo of me in my bridesmaid dress in the Spark People blog (he has always been tall, dark, and handsome as he takes after our native american mother, whom I look nothing like).

Also, I just wanted to vent about the negative and hurtful comments I read in the huffington/other random website's I found my CONDENSED story that I wanted so badly to refute but refused to further subject myself to mean people and so chose not to respond.

These comments were along the lines of: that I would suddenly become fat again, lets see what she looks like after 1 year (hello!? If you read the article you would have seen that by the time the article was written, I had been at my goal weight or within five pounds of it for about a year and a half), once I get a ring on my finger I'd blow up bigger than I'd been (oh right, I forgot, you didn't read the article. I'll have been married for eight years to my high school sweet heart when November rolls around!), that there was no way I could possibly enjoy steamed broccoli and broiled salmon (have you ever heard of herbs? spices? individual tastes? My family loves mushrooms and olives and I can't stand them! Not everyone enjoys the same thing), That it was LUDICRIOUS that I lose weight for an event (baby, I didn't lose it for an event, I lost it after I saw how I looked and realized that I no longer wanted to look that way, that I was sick of being unhealthy, that I wanted to be a better ME, but, you apparently did not read the article).

There were more, but the blog is getting long and my anger and sadness at reading these things again has started to subside. I do not understand why others cannot be happy for achievements that have been made. The struggles that I, and thousands of others are going through/have gone through are real. They are life changing. Give us a bone, give us a break. Let us revel in our successes and embrace the power of the human spirit! Believe that things are possible! I know more than anyone that it is not easy, I know that it continues to be something that I will work hard to succeed in every day for the rest of my life. Instead of bucking against it, I seriously enjoy the challenge that I've given myself. I am realistic. I know I will slip. I know my body will change, and I must change with it, and adapt.

Thank you again, to the never ending support and positive comments of the Spark People community. You are truly all wonderful individuals. I hope that hurtful comments are not made to you during your journey, or at the end of your journey. No matter how much I believe in myself, I hate to say that those words can still put a dent in my armor. The positive words lift my spirit high, and I feel invincible.

I have to remind myself that the general public, especially when given the anonymity of the internet, is more often cruel than friendly. I'm just releasing thoughts in my mind with this post, so I hope I don't catch a bad rap from my outpouring of feeling.

edit: I should add that there were positive, uplifting, and encouraging comments on other sites as well, but it amazed me how many negative ones there were - thus the rant. I guess it is a lesson in not reading what people say!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • EMGERBER
    emoticon emoticon
    1670 days ago
  • LINDAMARIEZ1
    great topic! thank you!
    2161 days ago
  • IAMBLESSED103
    I'm so sorry you experienced that terrible treatment! Chalk it up to a crazy world of mean unhappy people who would never have half the courage or discipline to achieve what you have. You ARE an inspiration. There was nothing wrong with your needing your husbands support! There was nothing wrong - or not enough said - in your interview article! The reality is that even if you had said and included everything you possibly could have squeezed into the interview, the haters would have found a problem anyway! Ignore them! They're crazy! You are beautiful and amazing; congratulations and emoticon Karen emoticon
    2620 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13136700
    Remember that when you're the tall, beautiful flower amongst weeds, that the weeds are jealous. Instead of wanting to be the flower, transforming themselves, rising up, they want the flower to become a weed like them.

    That's not a perfect analogy, but it's what my mind has always visualized over the years when average, generic, sheeple, try to mess with me like that, on any level.

    I hope all is well these days!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Barbara


    2732 days ago
  • STUBBORNLOSER
    I'm new to spark people and each day I go thru a new success story to find inspiration and tips from those who have done what I have yet to do..... Reach goal weight! I applaud you for your hard work and persistence. I love the before and after photos. Thank you for being public. You will reach many who may never tell you that.
    Unfortunately people today just seem more sour and unhappy with themselves that they jump to trash you, and others like you who have opened your life up. The internet gives them anonymity and freedom to be idiots. Just remember THEY have the problem. Do not let their words rent space in your head.
    3029 days ago
  • BEXNEW
    I just read your story and think you are awesome - kudos to the commitment to the long haul and sharing your story. Bow down to you!


    3045 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13509588
    CRANN33 said everything I wanted to say, so all that's left to say is ditto, well that and thank you for being one of the inspiring stories I needed to read to help me get started on my own journey ... again :)
    Best wishes, Aimee


    3050 days ago
  • CRANN33
    Hi:

    I'm just starting my journey... Again. I have been here before and was looking at success stories for inspiration. Thank you for sharing. I have read your blog as well and I am sorry that you received such negative feedback. Unfortunately people can be cruel often for reasons of jealously and not liking what is within them so they turn this onto others. Good for you for letting it out here. A great example for me as I often bottle things down inside. I'm super proud of you and I am motivated by you. Thank you. Best wishes in 2013
    3052 days ago
  • MAYAQUINTERO
    Wow you are amaziing and you are what these people will probably never be and you just represent something that is not achievable in their minds and that drives them crazy. If only they knew!!! .... I thank God for finding Sparkpeople and for having such role models as yourself and other courageous people that put their lives out there for us to learn the path you have walked before us... God bless you!!!
    3133 days ago
  • KLWALDON
    You are amazing! Way to go and congratulations on your successes! People are animals at times. Can you imagine how great the world would be if we ALL just instinctively tried to build each other up instead of break each other down? I find you so inspiring and motivating! Keep on keepin' on!
    3142 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12894199
    You are so inspirational and are my new go to picture / profile to prove to myself that losing weight is possible and also that I can learn to enjoy workouts and seeing how strong my body can be. It sucks that nay sayers attacked you.

    Many people seem to try to discredit people that work for something especially if they cannot do it for themselves. I made a rule in our home that my fiancé agrees to….. no junk food. He is trying to lose weight himself for many reasons but especially since his health has been compromised due to his weight.

    Either way I think if you cannot ask loved ones to help you that’s just sad.

    Instead of going after you maybe they can go after the junk food and fast food industry with all that displaced anger emoticon

    Thank you for much for telling your story.

    Hera
    3147 days ago
  • HAPPYGIRL1000
    emoticon Hugs! That must have been awful for you. However those people have their own issues to deal with and would have attacked anyone who came to their attention but sadly for you, it happened to be you. thank goodness for this supportive sparkpeople community!
    3153 days ago
  • IMSUNSHINE
    I am pretty sure that most of the people leaving these comments need to check the mirror. I am almost positive they are upset because you made a change and they are still doing nothing! That is the world we live in so if you are not my mom, sister, brother, or best friend your opinion does not apply!!
    3163 days ago
  • VALFREYJA
    you are all correct. I know I should let it slide off me, but like you also stated, its difficult to do so! Thank you for the support! emoticon
    3163 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12443341
    Not only is your weight loss story an inspiration, but you are inspiring others again just by how well you are handling this situation. It's something helpful for others to hear about too in hopes of preparing people for such negativity and how not to let it get in your head and in your way. I couldn't agree more with others who are saying the negative commentators are only reflecting themselves in these type of ugly statements. Their words are their issues and theirs alone. You are your own person with a journey that inspires many of us in the same boat of trying to better ourselves. If only there was a site dedicated to bettering negative judgmental a**holes, as someone else put it and got it right. Just remember as long as those types are pointing the finger at someone else, they are not looking themselves in the mirror. Obviously that's a very painful thing for them to do since they must strike out at others and try to knock them down. Be proud of yourself, even for not responding to them on those sites. And be glad you wake up everyday not suffering mentally as much as those negative people are. They obviously use putting others down as a form of building themselves up except we all know that house of cards will fall in on itself.

    I just want to thank you for sharing your story with us. You certainly inspire me. And good for you for seeing something you wanted to change and DOING IT! The more we see others following through with this the easier it is for us to follow suit! Thank you! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3164 days ago
  • JOANOFARCTIC
    The internet is a cruel place to be for a fat person - even a formerly fat person. With some of these guys (yeah, they're mostly guys) a woman is a failure if she does not live up to their idea of beauty - at all times, including the past. It's very hard to be good enough for a lot of these guys, who are mostly insecure little trolls themselves.

    It's immature and none of them are worth your time.
    3164 days ago
  • ROB704
    Part of my job requires being in the media - print, internet, TV and radio - and often only when there's a crises....I can offer you one little bit of advice.

    Don't read the comments.

    (except where you have as reasonable expectation of fair/supportive comments - like here)

    I say that because what the nameless, hurtful rabble has to say really doesn't matter. They can do it better, different, pass judgement, make assumptions.....

    But they aren't you, they didn't have your circumstances...so it doesn't matter what they think.

    I personally admire your journey, your bravery for being the public eye and for your success.

    Keep up the good work and ignore (I know it's hard to do - TRUST ME on that one) the rabble and their criticism - it's a reflection of them, not you. At the end of the day you're fit and happily married, what do you want to bet the naysayers aren't.

    ;)

    rob
    3164 days ago
  • QUAIL75
    Some people are jerks and anonymity tends to give some license to be complete ***holes!

    Don't let them get you down, you've had amazing success and should be so proud of that! You're an inspiration to me and so many others! emoticon
    3164 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12360317
    You inspire more people than you will ever know. Don't give any more energy to those people that bring anything negative to your life... just keep letting your beautiful light shine! emoticon
    3164 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11552252
    emoticon
    3165 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10137936
    I can't believe people would respond that way! Normally, if people are going to act that way, they are not happy about their own things. But, you look great and it is amazing what you have done.
    3165 days ago
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