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Sometimes it is hard to admit a fault...but sometimes you have to admit it to deal with it.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

So here goes.

Most of you on Spark have never met me in person. Only a couple have, so you did not know me much before I got my back hurt in 2009 or my knee hurt in 2010. You have only known the me I share with you on here when I am feeling good or perky or like my old self before the accident's and pain medication.

I used to be called the *life of the party* or my Mom always said when I walked into a room it just lit up. But you would not know that about me now because in the past few months although I have kept it a secret from all of you except my BFF's -Seven- and Marty19. They both know the whole ugly truth now.

I want to warn all of you that might have been like me before my accident, who never really took much pain medication unless I was in the hospital for an operation or something over the counter for a headache. ALL of that changed when I hurt my back. Because Worker's Compensation thought it was easier to treat me with more and more prescription pain medication than to fix the problems I unknowing the system when along with their suggestions.

PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS!!!! Question everything and make pain pills the last resort.

In 2009 I began taking percocet every 8 hours for pain and Flexaril a mild muscle relaxer which seemed to be working fine but then I hurt my knee(May 9th 2010) from a fall I took because my back was out of whack and WC did not want to do much of anything for me put give me more pills. So on top of the back injury now I had a knee injury which they accepted responsibility for in 2011 after I had been hurt 8 months, BUT WAIT they were willing to give me more pain medication.

Now I was taken off the Flexiril and given Zanaflex(WATCH this as it is a very very strong muscle relaxer) for muscle relief and a sleeping pill to help me sleep and WAIT for it OXYCOTTIN for my "breakthrough pain" that I could take..................yes wait for it...........every 6 hours. While they refused to let my Ortho Dr do a simple orthoscopic surgery to my knee to make it better.

Yep give her more drugs but not the surgery she needs to get any relief from the pain. They DURGS were costing them 1000.00 a month and the surgery would have run them 10,000 and been done with.......... Go Figure??? Cause I can't.

So do you see the slippery slop I found myself on. Yes me the gal who hated pain medication now spent most of her time in the house, sleeping, or on here or some TV, not released to go to work until all of this is cleared up (and since have been awarded my disability for my diabetes and degenerative disk disease in my back) my accident caused 2 possibly 3 herniated disk. If they had fixed me the first year I might have been able to go back to work before I hurt my knee or at least in 2011, maybe.

So me the outgoing, fun loving, family orientated,hard working person was now a HOSTAGE to pain medication and my house.

But *NOW COMES THE CONFESSION* I have been so over medicating myself the past few months just to make the endless days seem livable that it all came to a head the week before Thanksgiving.................. doubling or tripling up on my medication I finally OVER DID IT (probably had been coming on for a while anyway).

I let myself become so over medicated all I wanted to do was sleep (NO EXERCISE and NO SPARK and the exercise has pretty much been a LIE for the last couple of months although I have lost weight it has been from NO appetite......................
sorry PINKS I promise to do it all with hard work this round and went for a long walk outside today.........IT FELT AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway so I HAD a FEW falls in the past 2 weeks................YES read it right EIGHT to be exact and was talking out of my head and scared my DH to death and quite frankly after I broke 4 toes and cracked the 5th (that is what knee Dr said yesterday) I WOKE up and SMELLED the COFFEE and stopped taking all of my PAIN medication the day before Thanksgiving and the sleeping pills, muscle relaxers, antidepressants. AND I FEEL ALIVE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now don't get me wrong, SO MANY of you WILL have to speak to your DR's but I have been in contact with my DR's for over a week now and am being supervised and actually moved to a new medical Dr that I will see at 9 am on Thursday.

AND IT IS NOT EASY COMING OFF ALL THAT PAIN MEDICATION COLD TURKEY. But I felt the ONLY WAY I COULD DO IT was to do it that way. So the sleeping pills, Oxycottin, Zanaflex,Celebrex and most of the percocet are locked away (thanks to my wonderful DH) and I have a limited amount of the percocet to help with the toes and back and knee.

Today I have had ONE...................YES ONE of my pain pills. And I must say I am blowing my own horn because life seems like living again and I have missed so many of my sisters of the heart and friends here on Spark.

I just felt that I owed it to myself to make this record so I can look back at it once a day and finally once a week and then once a month until I never have to worry about getting back on "the slippery slop" that I was on. And I wanted to be accountable to myself and to my best friends and sisters in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD when I cleared my conscious.

If you made it to the bottom of this it is because you do love me dearly and I want you to know that I LOVE YOU DEARLY as well. And don't worry there will be progress reports.

HEY I say the knee DR and he says I must have the surgery so cross your fingers and pray the WC company OK's it now that I have beat them in court.

As always your Nims, Nimsy, Nimmie, Nimmers, Nimster and just lil ol me!! Keep any eye out for me because I will be around more now and I will be in the DAY TIME and not the wee hours of the morning (lights out at my house now at 11:30) or late at night.

Much love and more blessings.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • -COURT-
    I think those places that give out pain killers need to be.....what's the word I want....well anyhow looked into. Shut down, etc.

    So glad you got yourself out of that mess. I'm glad you are keeping us up-to-date with your progress.
    3076 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    I'm sooo glad your getting better. Boo to all the medications. I'm glad you woke up from the fog and are alive and kicking (well you'll be kicking soon)
    3079 days ago
    So thankful you were able to get to the place you pulled off all those meds. Our culture is sure about medicating so I applaud you! Hope you get that knee surgery so that can be feeling better for you soon. Hugs!
    3080 days ago
  • KPACE7
    You have got to take care of YOU in this journey. Move forward in a positive direction. I am soooo excited for you and the fact you are finally getting medical help.

    You are a beautiful person to me no matter what. emoticon
    3081 days ago
  • --MAY--
    Yeah! Nims!! Is back! Can't wait to see the new you, which is for you the old you!!
    emoticon Smiles to you,
    3081 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    That is quite the blog! Good luck getting off all those pain meds. Please ask for help from health professional if it gets to bad because those drugs are highly addictive.
    Best of luck to you in getting your knee fixed and getting your life back on track! emoticon emoticon
    3086 days ago
    Wow Nims I can certainly understand the pain and the pain pill situation. I have to be very careful as well as I daily live with joint pain but only have tramadol and can only take at night as it makes me sick at my stomach..I rarely take it at night either as I don't sleep that well when I do..not the deep deep sleep my body so needs...reading is my solace and so go to bed early and read until I fall asleep..I try not to give into the pain and try to get out and walk but there are some days I just can't..I no longer have the knee pain but do in all my other joints including the hip replaced joint..but have had so much pain all my life that my body thinks it is normal..Pain meds are a scary thing and so easy to succumb to take them and yes doctors would rather prescribe than fix the problem..I'm finding the same especially with you have to learn to stand up for yourself and say this is the way it is going to be and be firm with them all...I'm so so proud of you...can't wait to meet you soon.
    3086 days ago
  • 4CYNDI
    That slippery slope is something I worry about constantly as I do take some of those (Celebrex) and others sporadically for pain. I know I have an addictive type personality so I try to make sure I really need it before I take it. So far I haven't succumbed to the urges for "more", but I really do understand the difficulties of working through the WC system.

    Good luck!
    3086 days ago
    emoticon love ya nimsy
    3087 days ago
    Oh sweet Nimsy, I'm so sorry you've been dealing with all this. And I'm SO proud of you for pulling yourself up short and getting back on top of it.
    You can do it!
    3087 days ago
    I am so proud of you. It was a hard thing for you to do and then admit. Life is much brighter when we aren't in a Zombie state. I know. I want you to always be the bubbly person I met.

    3087 days ago
    Dearest Nims, We all have bad things we want to hide from oursleves and others. I am truly happy for you taht you have realized the slippery "slop" you were on and have made extraordinary strides to get back on track.

    This is a heroic effort on your part, and your DH (what we woudl do wihtout them?).

    I have been wondering how you were the last couple months because you seemed to be MIa but I had been so busy, I am sad to say I did not take the time to find you!

    Congrats on your new path, here's to surgery to make you well again!

    Many hugs dear one!!
    3088 days ago
    Thank you for being willing to put your heart out there.....I know it took courage to write this! You have MANY people that love and support you!
    I look forward to seeing your progress!
    3088 days ago
    Darling Nimsy, I cannot begin to understand how difficult it was to write all of this, and put it out there for all to see. It takes a very strong person indeed to be willing to do such a thing, and a truly caring one who does it not only to keep themselves accountable, but also to help others. I am so glad you are feeling alive again! It just has not been the same here without you posting and just being there. I truly hope all turns out for the best with your knee, and your new Dr.


    Luv ya, Nimsy!
    3088 days ago
    one day at a time, you can do this
    3088 days ago
    So GLAD had the Courage to share this! You are emoticon
    ...::::wish I could join you in the sun room with Kal. emoticon

    Much love, Laura emoticon

    3088 days ago
  • PRIZM96
    Oh, Nimsy! My heart is full of pride. I am so proud of you for taking back control! You are such a strong soul and you will overcome this obstacle too. Congratulations in taking the first necessary steps in taking your life back. YOU are worth it.

    Thank God for loving husbands too. :-)
    3088 days ago
    You are never to do something a little bit...4 1/2 toes????? Goodness. 8 falls? Good thing you have so many angels looking over you Nimsy. You are surrounded by friends that care and a husband that loves you beyond measure and your fur daughters and bunnies above and below so you need to care for you so you can be here for all of your loved ones too! Goodness me....I'm making up the swing on the porch for you. No, too chilly; the sunroom it is. I'll get the teapot going too.
    3088 days ago
    A tough admission to make I'm sure. But so glad to hear that you seem to be headed toward mending your body the right way! I'm a huge believer in physical therapy as well, it's made such a difference in my life. Hopefully you'll be back on track soon! Take care dear Nimsy and heal well! emoticon
    3088 days ago
    emoticon I am honored that you chose to share. Sending strength and healing your way!
    3089 days ago
    You are very loved Nims.....
    3089 days ago
    You are such a strong woman to be making this change for your life. Thank you for writing this and giving us the inspiration not to give up even in the face of such horrible obstacles.

    May you have your surgery soon, may it go well, and may you regain the joy of life and health. We are WITH YOU every step of the way.

    3089 days ago
  • RD03875
    Good luck with the surgery.
    3089 days ago
  • -SEVEN-
    Keep doing the best you can, Nimmie, and follow your instincts. When you feel in control of what is happening and what you are doing, you will be the happiest. Enjoy the wonderful feeling of freedom, my sister! LYG emoticon
    3089 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12613737
    What a brave and inspiring confession, Nims; I am so very honored to be among your many friends here that have come to care so much about you. Coming off all those medications that your body had come to rely on is not easy and the fact that you're doing it cold turkey shows your determination take control of your life and to lead a healthy life. I'm glad you are under doctor supervision for this process and that you have such a wonderful husband there to watch over you and support you. I hope you know that, even though we have not met in person, I do not take your friendship lightly and I'm here for you.
    3089 days ago
    Dear Ravie! What you must have been going through the past few months... I am so sorry it all got so bad! I am SO impressed that you went cold turkey on the meds, taking control of your life again and deciding what was best for matter what the "experts" said! WOOHOO! I hope you feel strong and powerful... because you ARE!
    3089 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10775505
    Whew, but you did it my friend and you are still doing it! I love you too and think you are just amazing! Now, please, please take good care of you cause you are very much loved.
    Hugs and sparkles
    3089 days ago
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