Sometimes it is hard to admit a fault...but sometimes you have to admit it to deal with it.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
So here goes.
Most of you on Spark have never met me in person. Only a couple have, so you did not know me much before I got my back hurt in 2009 or my knee hurt in 2010. You have only known the me I share with you on here when I am feeling good or perky or like my old self before the accident's and pain medication.
I used to be called the *life of the party* or my Mom always said when I walked into a room it just lit up. But you would not know that about me now because in the past few months although I have kept it a secret from all of you except my BFF's -Seven- and Marty19. They both know the whole ugly truth now.
I want to warn all of you that might have been like me before my accident, who never really took much pain medication unless I was in the hospital for an operation or something over the counter for a headache. ALL of that changed when I hurt my back. Because Worker's Compensation thought it was easier to treat me with more and more prescription pain medication than to fix the problems I unknowing the system when along with their suggestions.
PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS!!!! Question everything and make pain pills the last resort.
In 2009 I began taking percocet every 8 hours for pain and Flexaril a mild muscle relaxer which seemed to be working fine but then I hurt my knee(May 9th 2010) from a fall I took because my back was out of whack and WC did not want to do much of anything for me put give me more pills. So on top of the back injury now I had a knee injury which they accepted responsibility for in 2011 after I had been hurt 8 months, BUT WAIT they were willing to give me more pain medication.
Now I was taken off the Flexiril and given Zanaflex(WATCH this as it is a very very strong muscle relaxer) for muscle relief and a sleeping pill to help me sleep and WAIT for it OXYCOTTIN for my "breakthrough pain" that I could take..................yes wait for it...........every 6 hours. While they refused to let my Ortho Dr do a simple orthoscopic surgery to my knee to make it better.
Yep give her more drugs but not the surgery she needs to get any relief from the pain. They DURGS were costing them 1000.00 a month and the surgery would have run them 10,000 and been done with.......... Go Figure??? Cause I can't.
So do you see the slippery slop I found myself on. Yes me the gal who hated pain medication now spent most of her time in the house, sleeping, or on here or some TV, not released to go to work until all of this is cleared up (and since have been awarded my disability for my diabetes and degenerative disk disease in my back) my accident caused 2 possibly 3 herniated disk. If they had fixed me the first year I might have been able to go back to work before I hurt my knee or at least in 2011, maybe.
So me the outgoing, fun loving, family orientated,hard working person was now a HOSTAGE to pain medication and my house.
But *NOW COMES THE CONFESSION* I have been so over medicating myself the past few months just to make the endless days seem livable that it all came to a head the week before Thanksgiving..................
.................by doubling or tripling up on my medication I finally OVER DID IT (probably had been coming on for a while anyway).
I let myself become so over medicated all I wanted to do was sleep (NO EXERCISE and NO SPARK and the exercise has pretty much been a LIE for the last couple of months although I have lost weight it has been from NO appetite......................
sorry PINKS I promise to do it all with hard work this round and went for a long walk outside today.........IT FELT AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway so I HAD a FEW falls in the past 2 weeks................YES 8....you read it right EIGHT to be exact and was talking out of my head and scared my DH to death and quite frankly after I broke 4 toes and cracked the 5th (that is what knee Dr said yesterday) I WOKE up and SMELLED the COFFEE and stopped taking all of my PAIN medication the day before Thanksgiving and the sleeping pills, muscle relaxers, antidepressants. AND I FEEL ALIVE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now don't get me wrong, SO MANY of you WILL have to speak to your DR's but I have been in contact with my DR's for over a week now and am being supervised and actually moved to a new medical Dr that I will see at 9 am on Thursday.
AND IT IS NOT EASY COMING OFF ALL THAT PAIN MEDICATION COLD TURKEY. But I felt the ONLY WAY I COULD DO IT was to do it that way. So the sleeping pills, Oxycottin, Zanaflex,Celebrex and most of the percocet are locked away (thanks to my wonderful DH) and I have a limited amount of the percocet to help with the toes and back and knee.
Today I have had ONE...................YES ONE of my pain pills. And I must say I am blowing my own horn because life seems like living again and I have missed so many of my sisters of the heart and friends here on Spark.
I just felt that I owed it to myself to make this record so I can look back at it once a day and finally once a week and then once a month until I never have to worry about getting back on "the slippery slop" that I was on. And I wanted to be accountable to myself and to my best friends and sisters in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD when I cleared my conscious.
If you made it to the bottom of this it is because you do love me dearly and I want you to know that I LOVE YOU DEARLY as well. And don't worry there will be progress reports.
HEY I say the knee DR and he says I must have the surgery so cross your fingers and pray the WC company OK's it now that I have beat them in court.
As always your Nims, Nimsy, Nimmie, Nimmers, Nimster and just lil ol me!! Keep any eye out for me because I will be around more now and I will be in the DAY TIME and not the wee hours of the morning (lights out at my house now at 11:30) or late at night.
Much love and more blessings.