So humiliated..

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

I guess posting here is a good step. I've gained back so much weight. I don't know how i let this happen. I used to be a 'success story.' .. I lost 123lbs on my own for chrissakes and now what? Now i'm just another yo-yo'er. I can see it in people's eyes when they look at me. I can see them SEE me getting bigger by like the second.
I've wanted to come back to spark but i'm too embarassed to update my weight. I'm over 200lbs again. I was 137lbs!!!!!!!!!
I keep getting emails to submit my story for magazines because i'm such a success..and now what am i? I'm nothing. A loser.
So yea, my life has sucked but i can't blame life for me getting fat again.
This sucks.. it's like all my success is now void. i've basically done NOTHING good.
The worst thing is that i KNOW how to eat healthy, i KNOW how to work out efficiently..and i can't. i keep trying but i can't stick to tracking, to eating right, to working ANYTHING.
I'm worthless and humiliated.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD12002263
    Move over, you have company. I spent 8 months dropping 45 pounds and have put back on 20 in 2. Although it has already been said, you're are not a loser and you're not worthless. You're just like everyone else - trying to eat healthy and meet you're fitness goals. Some days are better than others. Hang in there.

    3131 days ago
    I have been there. I am there again.
    I too am crawling back up out of a pit, but it is better than remaining in the pit.
    We can do this.
    We will do this. One meal at a time.

    3131 days ago
    Don't feel humiliated at all! I have been yo yo-ing for the last 2 years...Of course we know what to do but the difference between them is doing them. If we sit & continue to eat more & more food with little or no exercise we will grow like a well taken care of plant. lol Now next week is a new year & we have an opportunity to begin today with 10mins of cardio. Ushering in the New Year & an upgrade version of us....

    God bless,

    3132 days ago
    Hi, don't be so hard on yourself - we're only human. I've lost 60 lbs. twice and gained it back both times. Both times I promised myself, and the people around me, that I wouldn't gain it back, but I did. It's so, so hard. I've felt like a loser and worthless, too, but I don't really think our worth should be based on our weight. We're the same people with the same character and the same worth no matter what our size.

    I'm still here and I'm still trying. I figure the only way I can truly fail is to totally give up, and I'm not going to do that. I don't think you will, either. Hang in there and keep on going, one step at a time.
    3132 days ago
  • UNICORN212
    Well, no one issued you a halo. You are human like the rest of us, and look on the bright side. You opened your eyes to what was happening before you gained ALL of it back! All you need to do is identify what worked the first time, and do it again - and then keep doing it!
    3132 days ago
    Don't be so hard on yourself! You are so much more than a number on the scales. Remember baby steps is the way to go about changes. You've made the first step posting here and look at all the support.
    3132 days ago
    I know you are embarassed, but don't but so down on yourself. You can do it again. It's not easy. I've gained back about 30 lbs from the lowest I had gotten down to because I let stress get to me. But I hate to hear people call themselves worthless. You are not worthless! You have gotten off track but you are so worth everything you can give yourself. Don't give up on yourself. You can do this. We are here to help support each other in good times and in bad. Just take it one moment at a time.
    3132 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13109206
    Quit beating yourself up. Just get back in the groove and stay hooked up to sparkpeople. The tracking will help you get back on track. It will also help you to maintain once you are back to where you want to be. Accountability is a great thing.
    3132 days ago
    You guys.. wow.. I'm sitting at my desk at work now trying not to tear up. I only posted this a few mins ago and already you all have put your support on here for me to see. That is amazing and I can NOT thank you enough!!!
    This was a good reminder as to why i was on this site in the first place.
    Thank you all so soooo much!!!!
    3132 days ago
    Hi you shouldn't be too hard on yourself...i know that can be hard at times but look at what you were able to accomplish. If you did it once you can do it again...look at what motivated you in the first place....what had changed since you reached your goal last look to the future and try not to dwell so much on the have taken the first step toward your new future self and like always people here are willing and able to help you. Forgiving yourself would make a great gaol for the new year. emoticon emoticon
    3132 days ago
  • no profile photo CAROL494
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3132 days ago
    You are NOT a loser and you are not worthless. You are just like everyone else here on this site- trying to lead a healthy life and meet your goals. We all have ups and downs- and yeah, it really sucks when life gets in the way and we mess up- BUT it's not the end of the world. You're here posting & that's an AWESOME step in the right direction! It means you want to do this. :) And losing 123 pounds previously- well, you obviously know what works and what it will take to get you back to where you want to be. Don't worry about other people- I think most of the time we are much harder on oourseleves than what other people think- other people (for the most part) are too busy worrying about their own issues to pay too much attention to us- It's mostly just our own fears & anxieties taking over. For all your accomplishments, you are certainly a strong & dedicated player & you can & WILL do this again---- but STOP the negative self taking and thinking (i know- eaiser said than done- have been there many many times)- that kind of thinking will only hold you back and sabbotage your efforts.
    I wish you the very best & i know you will be backk to where you want to be!
    3132 days ago
    3132 days ago
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