For those of you that know me you know how hard this tale is to write but if I want to be one and whole again then this story must go on...................
I woke up this morning and all I could smell was coffee. No one ever made me coffee anymore and then only my Gracie bun bun
did before..............before she crossed the Rainbow Bridge that is. But I got up anyway threw on my robe knowing I was probably dreaming after all and I made my way down the long hall.
were both up faces washed ears fluffed and both dressed in plum for Georgie girl with a beautiful silver apron and Gwenny sat in pink with a beautiful golden apron...both chattering like two magpies.
Yes girls for as long as it takes, said a voice I had not heard in a long, long time.
You promise? asked Georgie.
Yes I promise said that long gone beloved voice I missed with all my
Well, just in case I am ready for any life lessons you might have for us said Georgie with that
on her face. She still was not a fan of those life lessons.
Well, there is one I have to deliver but this one is especially for our Momma if she ever comes around the corner and joins us said Gracie as she laughed that beautiful laugh of hers that reminded me of my wind chimes blowing in the wind.
I rounded the corner to see Georgie decked out in plum and Gwenny decked out in pink and there was my Gracie daughter all aglow in yellow, yellow tights and skirt, her white shirt with the frilly collar, black patten leather shoes and over it all the most beautiful clear crystal apron and the yellow feathers behind her ear that her GodMom had given her. She was a sight to behold........................
I moved to kiss and hug Georgie girl and Gwenny and tell them how beautiful they looked afraid if I moved toward Gracie she would vanish like smoke before my eyes and my
just could not take that. I timidly reached out to touch her to see if she was real or just my imagination and my hand felt warm soft golden fur and I scooped her up in my arms and held her as close as I could get her, snuggled my wet face
in her fur and then I twirled her round and round and she giggled and i felt a
bubble out of me. It sounded so strange as I just did not do that anymore.
Mom, mom your going to have to stop she giggled eventually or I am never going to be able to...........................b
ut I never want this to end I whispered in her ear. Mom eventually it has to end, remember all things end. Not this Gracie I want to stay this way with you forever, please.
Mom I am a whisper and a memory but I am always here for you, I promise. Only you don't seek me out anymore because your so down trodden you seek out no one. So I have come to give you my personal LIFE LESSON #9. Never give up, always get up.
You see it everyday when you are here with your friends but you don't really see it at all anymore. You have let life get the better of you. You have given up your smile and your laughter and you have lost your way on the pathway of life.
I bowed my head
for I realized everything she said was TRUE!!!
Mom I am here for as long as you need me and it seems you really need me right now.
First introduce me and Meowy Meowy FishFace and there right beside Gracie was Tigerlily
aka Ms. Kitty Britches as well. Hiya Mom I have missed you to and she launched herself into my arms but Gracie takes good care of me but right now I have a LIFE LESSON for my other sisters..................CeCe came over first with her Halloween cat attitude on followed by Fee and Bree..............girls these are your big sisters Gracie bun bun and Tigerlily.
Whoa said Fee we have heard so much about you from Georgie and Gwenny but we thought they was just crazy. Tigerlily gave a meowy
Now come on girls as I have some things to tell you that will help you take care of Mom. Because she really needs taking care of right now. And off they went to a corner full of toys in the living room.
Lovely girls said Gracie, I am so glad you took them all, but you have to snap out of this Quagmire of Despair for their sake and yours Mom.
I know Gracie but how? I seem stuck, sick, sad, sicker, more stuck and much sadder and then even sicker.
Well, Georgie needs to get back to teaching my life lessons and Gwenny and the kitty girls need to be made to attend and Gracie gave Georgie that look
it made me kind of snicker through my tears.
Yes Gracie I promise to do better said Georgie but with Mom so sad and not spending much time with us it is hard for me to do anything but want to sneak away with Frankie and dream of a wedding day. And I do the same with Digger
said Gwenny. We spend a lot of time in his burrow where we are not so sad watching Mom.
I looked at my daughters and fresh
flowed from my eyes because I did not realize how much my sadness effected them. But now I knew it did.
I know you miss me but I know who you really pine for the most and it is our GodMom, isn't it. I know there was a broken bond between you both and at the fork in the road she chose the one of Pixie and star dust and you choose the one of darkness and loneliness.
But Mom sometimes all things must end and sometime the road meets again and you pick up where you left off. For now you must use what you had and remember the wonderful times and fun and realize that maybe that is all that you will ever have of that lovely relationship, but maybe not...........remember NEVER GIVE UP!!
does not seem to want to heal, Gracie. Shushhhhhh Momma and she patted my cheek, you have another who loves you as much as our GodMom did and she will never leave your side, you must depend on her now to help pull you from the muck and mire as you do the same for her. And there are so many others who love you, not the same as our GodMom but they so love you Momma.
I felt ashamed that I had so much but I was so torn down by so little. Momma one day you will heal and this life will be good and better to you but you must remember to always get up. Do not let it lay you so low you cannot find a way to stand again.
Everyone has sorrows, heartaches, lost friendships, death and sickness in their lives but there are those that face each day as if it was new, determined to do their best to find their smile and happiness. You use to be like this and so you shall again.
Promise I whispered. I promise Gracie
Maybe one day GodMom will let me speak to her
and she will finally hear your cries
Mom how can you take care of you, Georgie girl, Gwenny, CeCe, Fee and Bree if your to sick to take care of yourself?
I hung my head in shame
because she was so right. I had given up on me, not eating right, not exercising right, wanting to stay in bed all day, staying in the house for days..........................
..this was so unlike me. But I had just given up. No one knew this but my DH and my fur kids because I put on a good front..............but it was all a lie.
Mom you have to want to make a change and get back to who you were and how much you did and how good you felt. This is my life lesson for you..............NEVER GIVE UP, ALWAYS GET UP!!!!
So get up.....get going..........get back into life.............do not let it rule you..........you rule it.
How did my bun bun daughter ever get so smart and then I saw her wings peeking out from behind her and knew.
Gracie I want to change but so much is going on right now.........................an
d I trailed off.
Mom and she reached up and touched my cheek.....We all feel this way sometimes.
No.............can't be. Everyone I know is always so strong and get to it and get it done. I am the only slacker in my group............
Your wrong Mom...............EVERYONE feels over whelmed, over burdened, over, over, over so many things.
Really, I hear it in their prayers daily. Even your daily prayers Mom, I hear you cry out for help and it is there for you, that is why I am here now.
Mom you have misplaced your best friend and she might be lost forever but your so lucky that you had another who wanted to step right in and fill that need in your heart, but even with this wonderful thing you lost your smile and your laughter and your happiness.
One person or one thing CANNOT be the reason you smile, laugh, feel happy or have joy in your life. That is to much to put on one person so if you ever find our GodMom you have to not put so much on her, okay. She needs her space to breath. Remember that and it should go well. Your paths may well meet up again in this life time.
As for life so it has been using you like a punching bag..................get up and do the same to it.
life, the untidy, unwanted, unhappy parts to the curb and keep going forward. And Mom keep moving down your path for you never know what is just around the next bend, something to amaze you, someone to dazzle your senses, a cricket who might need your help on a grand adventure with you, 2 bun buns and 3 spritly kittens.
As I looked closer at Gracie she began to glow a beautiful golden color like the sun and her wings stretched out a bit more.................
Georgie you have life lessons to teach, Gwenny learn to sew you will love it, come on Tigerlily and CeCe, Bree and Fee mind your big sisters and your Momma..............
She glowed brighter and brighter and Tigerlily kissed my cheek and said bye Mom if you need me just Meow....and was gone. Gracie came and wrapped her wings around me and said Mom NEVER GIVE UP, ALWAYS GET UP, because life is to precious to waste even one moment..................and she burrowed her head in my neck and kissed me and said I love you always my FOREVER MOM and she burst into a billion crystals and was gone...
I woke up in my bed with tears on my face........................I never wanted the dream to end and I so wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep and find her in my arms again. But then I smelled coffee and teacakes and I got out of bed and put my feet in my slippers and put on my robe and walked down the long hallway. I knew my Gracie bun bun would not be there but never did I think that my other daughters would be up and cooking breakfast and making coffee. But there was Georgie girl dressed in plum and Gwenny dressed in pink and 3 kittens sitting all in a row listening to Georgie girl talk about Life Lesson #1 with a tiny yellow pencil behind her ear.
Mom your finally here and they all rushed me with kisses and hugs, come have some coffee and a tea cake and a glass of carrot juice and lets go outside and sit in the sun on the patio said Georgie with a mouth full of carrot tea cake........
Mom we all love you very much and we want to help you feel better so today is the first day of the rest of our wonderful lives and no matter what comes our way we will face it together for we are a FOREVER family......said Georgie.
Right said Gwenny loading up the plate with cakes and picking up the carrot juice, come on Digger
is waiting for us and I think it is time the kittens went to Old Oak Cemetery to meet all of our old friends she laughed.
I think that is a grand idea and I laughed a little bit myself. Today was already looking to be a good day after all.
Come on life show me what ya got, I have a family who loves me and we can get through anything..................and as I walked out the door a tiny golden grain of sand floated down and I caught it in my hand.
Thanks Gracie...............for always showing us the right way.