Monday, May 20, 2013
I woke up this morning in the early hours because my hip was hurting. When I can't sleep, I usually check my email and go on facebook before trying to get back to sleep. I checked my email and the first thing I see is an email from sparkpeople saying Congratulations! You are today's featured motivator! I feel so unworthy of this. I haven't been on sparkpeople in like 9 months. A lot has happened to me in the past year and a half.
In October 2011, I ran my first and so far only half-marathon. I got injured and doctors in Maine couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I moved to South Carolina in March 2012. I was still told there was nothing wrong with me. It's a rough adjustment moving away from your home and family by yourself. I couldn't exercise like I used to and wanted to. I had to adjust to cooking for myself. I slowly starting gaining weight and losing fitness. Last summer, I saw a doctor who said I had a pretty big labral tear and my only option was surgery. I had surgery, was on crutches for 6 weeks and have spent a long road back to recovery. It's about 8 months later and I still don't consider myself normal. Exercise is still a challenge. My body takes longer to recover. I have to work on strengthening my muscles on my right side, quads, hip flexors, glutes while loosening up tight muscles and IT band by stretching and rolling. I've gained about 30 pounds, lost a lot of fitness and muscle mass. It's hard for me to swallow.
I've had a hard time committing this time around to losing this weight. I'd been trying to get back into running by doing a couch to 5K type program. The problem with this is I know what I used to be able to do and compare this post surgery self to my pre-injured self who could run faster and farther and do most anything. I was running a couple weeks ago, doing intervals, thinking about how tired I was and how this used to be so easy for me. I was reflecting on why I was having such a hard time committing to losing weight, why I was sabotaging myself with food (I try to be consistent with exercise when my body allows) and it hit me that I viewed getting injured as one of the biggest failures of my life. I know it's stupid, but that's what it is. Gaining some weight back is also a failure to me. So I realized that I'd been afraid to really try again, running and all that, because if you don't try, you don't fail. I decided that I needed to try again and be a success once more.
This past Saturday, I did a 5K with my new church. I haven't done any races since the half in 2011. I was really nervous and worried about hurting myself. I'd had some pains a couple days before and wasn't sure what would happen during the race. Plus I hadn't run 3 miles in a long time. The most I'd done was between 2 and 2.5 miles walking and running, sometimes more walking than running. I ran the first 2 miles of the 5K without stopping, walked a minute then ran the rest of the way. I got 32:24. Not my best time but definitely not my worst. Regardless of that, I was very proud of myself. It's taken me a long time to get to this point. It was the first time that I'd ran a race for myself and was happy with the time I finished. It was a small 5K, only about 200 people. Somehow I managed to get third place in my age group. What an unexpected blessing!
The next race will be a ways away; I have quite a bit of work to do to build up my leg strength. I'm still sore from the 5K, but I know what I need to work on now. I need to find a strength training program that will work best for me along with running. And I need to also get my diet and nutrition back on track.
In closing, I do still feel unworthy of the motivator title because I don't feel like I am that girl any longer that you see on the front of my page. I'm trying to find her again or maybe in the process will find a better new me. When life gets in the way of your goals, even if you are only holding on by one finger, keep holding until you can find yourself moving again.