In my first round of assignments for my A assignment Stage 1 I choose to work on **telling myself I *Just Can't Do It* and believing that I REALLY can't and battling a very deep dark depression.
So here I am again trying to be VERY HONEST with myself so I can get to be bottom of all of this because it is wreaking havoc on my health.
So I am going to stick with working on the depression part of my bad habit as it still bothers me a couple times a week and also I need to work this time on *my stressors*. Because I am finding that if I am really stressed out about something it leads to me telling myself I just cannot cope with it which leads me into depression. And then all of that leads me to having higher blood sugars which just makes it a vicious circle.
So I am working on::
1. Depression & its affects on me.
2. Stressors & what triggers all out stress for me.
3. Telling myself I just cannot cope.
4. High blood sugars & how to keep them in range.
2. I know that if I can find a good way to cope with my STRESSOR's (I use to be so good at this until it became my stress and not stress on someone else, like my DH). Back before I got hurt and eventually disabled but the accident, I found that if something was giving me a ton of stress I just turned to food, found a way to reduce the stress or just let it go. For some reason now I am not able to process stress and find a way to relieve it before it sends me into a downward spiral. This is what I need to figure out.
2a. If I can find a way to cope with my stress better it will not lead me into over eating which leads me to higher blood sugars which have caused me to have to cancel TWO back surgeries in the past 8 months. I really need to either have the back surgeries to get me out of so much pain or I need to find a less invasive way to deal with my back problems which DO NOT include tons of pain medication. My pain DR has suggested a permanent pain stimulator implant and says I am a great candidate for it. But then the back dr says he does not want me to do that right now.
2b. Why not, for my own good as I REALLY need the back surgeries OR for his own good because he wants that ton of $$ from my Worker's Comp. This is a question I have to work on, because what if the permanent pain stimulator implant worked to get me out of ALL or MOST of my pain (my DH has one and it works WONDERS for him although he is still on pain meds, but his back injury was even worse than mine) and I did not need such invasive surgery as the back Dr WANTS TO DO.
4. I am working on my blood sugars but it seems the more insulin I take to make my sugars in the right range the more I suspect I am VERY insulin resistant. I take Metformin & Glybaride and have for years and they are supposed to help with the resistance. But it seems that they are NOT doing anything to help because I was off of them for 2 wks in the hospital and my blood sugars were actually better. Now I know that was because they controlled my food intake.
So it would seem that.................
4a. I need to control my food intake much better. Well I have known this for YEARS but do I stick to the plan of lower consumption of sugary foods, sometimes yes and sometimes no. I need to find the key to get me switched off of artificial sweeteners altogether and onto STEVIA or SUGAR IN the RAW but that means even stricter control of what I eat.
4b. And the more stress I am under the more I turn to FOOD for COMFORT. Yep I have done that since I was 12 years old, that is whey I first started to notice my weight going up and by the time I was 17 I weighed 225 pounds. It was much easier to take off 20-40 pounds when I was in my 20-30's but after I reached my 40's it became harder and harder. One thing I know for certain is that INSULIN IS A FAT MAKING DRUG. How do I know that, my DR told me so. The more I keep control of my blood sugar with insulin the heavier I get. My food intake has not changed a bit in the past month but my weight has gone UP and UP and I have started to count how many units of insulin I take per day, as it goes up so does my weight.
4c. I have heard of a new drug Victoza (one of my Mom's best friends is on it for uncontrolled diabetes and in the first month lost 30 pounds without UPPING exercise or DECREASING food intake..........what he said it has done is acted like a appetite suppressant so he does not want to over eat all the time) I asked my Dr about it but he had never heard of it so he scheduled me an appt with the new Endocrinologist in town which I will see on Sept. 10th.
I know that getting my stress under control will in turn keep me from emotional eating which will lead to lower blood sugars which..............
1. Should help me keep my depression under control. I am not adverse to using an anti-depressant to help out with this problem but I think that will only cover up the issue of what is causing these bouts of depression and not allow me to find a way on my own to cope with them naturally.
1a. I do realize that the bouts of depression started about a year ago and I think some things going on then lead me to it, but recently one of the major issues has corrected itself and I am doing MUCH better. But I know that I need to find ways to steer my mind from the depression when things like this happen.
All in all I am doing so much better this past 5-6 weeks then I have in 12 months but in order to find out why I am better I really need to dig to the bottom of what happened to make me so bad off. Look for part b and how to work out these problems better in a couple days.
All comments, advise and suggestions welcome.