ver really gone.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
I had such a beautiful dream. Gracie
and I were sitting on the front porch of our old house over by Old Oak Cemetery where she was rescued from. I had my morning coffee
and she had her
a ritual we always shared.
We sat and talked of many things, how life had been this past year without her. How Georgie
her sister was not good at teaching Life Lessons at all but she gave it her best tries. We talked about how big her baby baby sister Gwenny
was now and the fact that the wild bunny Digger
who was so in love
with her had moved into the back yard on a permanent basis. We spoke of Tigerlily
the newest addition to our family and how she would have been on some of the wild adventures the girls use to get up to.
We talked about old friends at Old Oak Cemetery that the family did not see now that she was gone and how there had not been one party at the house either.
I told her no one really wanted to
She said the saddest thing of all was how Pru a very wee small owl, Frankie a 3" lizard that was the love of Georgie's life and Archie a miniature dragon who protected her GodMom Annie's (CHALKDRAWJUMPER) inklings and such had NOT been around for a whole year.
And one golden
tear drop slid down her cheek. I picked her up and snuggled her close like I had done a million times and inhaled the perfect scent that was my daughter and I closed my eyes because I did not want this dream to ever end.
Mom things have to change she said in my ear. I am going to help them change because what you all have forgotten is I have never really ever been gone.
I looked into her eyes, you haven't I asked
No Mom you silly one, I have been right here all the time and she pointed to my
I've just been waiting for you all to remember this.
You have I said
Yes Mom for when you remember me without the heart crushing grief that has griped you all then and only then will I be able to come back to all of you when ever you need me.
You will? I could not believe my ears. For 12 long months when I thought of my daughter Gracie all I could find in my heart was the longing for one more touch, one more cuddle and that caused such sorrow and grief to wash over me that once again I thought my heart was
Mom I have tried to whisper in your ear for so long now but you could not hear me because you were so sad. But now it is time to put the sadness away. I am here where it is beautiful, I am not alone for Jazzy
and so many others and now even Boo
is here with me. I am healthy and safe, secure in my creators arms. I am where we will all one day be and it is more than I have words to tell. And I am not sad because I know that one day I will come to greet you all at the
Bridge and we will be together.
We will and I started to
not out of sadness but because I finally felt HOPE in my heart that I was one day going to be with all the one's I had loved that had gone on before me. And finally my
that had been frozen in grief, misery and sorrow began to melt.
Gracie laid down in my lap then and said Mom when you all can remember all the fun we had together and all the adventures we had and all those happy glowing memories come flooding back to your
then I will be there. You will hear me and you will see me and it will be different but like I have never been gone.
Do you promise Gracie, if I let all the sadness and sorrow and grief go that you will come back and be with me again? I had to know, I WANTED MY DAUGHTER BACK WITH ME.
Mom and Gracie put both paws on each side of my face like she always did. Not like you want Mom. I will never be back on this
like I was and I hope when you think a minute you will understand why.
I looked puzzled
but I already knew. You were sick and hurting and you stayed with me, DH and your sisters as long as you could stand it, right? I remembered those last days my daughter and I wish I had, had it in my heart to let you go sooner.
Mom do not have any regrets for I have NONE she looked me right in the eyes and
my cheek. I stayed as long as your heart needed me and you and DH did the very best by me for the last 3 1/2 years of my life. Mom I would not change one thing ever.
You wouldn't I was amazed.
No Mom you gave me my first real forever home, you gave me the love a Mom gives to a daughter, you gave me security, food, shelter and you gave me two wonderful sisters. How could I want to change that. You gave me friends her in Sparkland that otherwise I would have never met and Mom...........YOU GAVE ME A VOICE, YOU MADE ME DEAR GRACIE. Loved by so many. Why would I ever change a single thing. I had the best life any bun bun could have ever had. I know how special I was and am.
You are that my sweet
and I cuddled her close. Can it be like this then Gracie when ever I need to see you and hold you and talk can we do it just like this.
Yes Mom we can, because I have never really been gone. I have just been waiting here on the fringe behind the vail waiting for your heart to be ready to be with me again. For in your dreams
Mom we can do ANYTHING.
We can and this time my
were not of sadness but tears of great JOY. For now I knew that I had, had the ability in me all the time to be with my Gracie girl.
We that had loved Gracie had always had the ability to bring her back close to us, for memories that we had made while she was with us here on earth were ours to keep.
We did not have to share them with anyone but if we did then we all could remember Gracie and how she lived and what she meant to us.
Mom she said before you wake up I want you to remember me in happiness, the fun we all had, the laughter we all shared, the adventures we all went on, remember me with gladness in your heart and Mom share me with everyone. We still have so much to say and so much to do.
We do I said this time and it was not a question it was what Gracie and I had both been waiting for, for a whole year.
Good night Mom she said, goodnight my sweet baby daughter I replied. She hopped off my lap and then turned to me...................see you in your dreams
I am counting on it I said and we both
at each other and I turned over and opened my eyes and there was the
shining in my window.
I got up and walked down the long hall like I had done so many times since Gracie had passed but this morning seemed different. My
And as I rounded the corner there was my Georgie girl
sitting with Gracie's small yellow pencil behind her ear and there was Gwenny
sitting at her feet.
And she said we must remember *they are never really gone* and she looked up at me with tear
smudges down her cheeks but the most radiant
on her face and said Right Mom.
And I said right you are Georgie girl. Okay what are we all having for breakfast.
I'm starving said Georgie girl as was her saying before every meal and I had to
because it seemed things were changing back to a happier time for all of us.
And I finally knew after all the darkness and gloom it was going to be a bright and very good day.
In loving memory of Gracie my first bun bun daughter.