Thursday, September 19, 2013
I slept well last night, almost 7.5 hours, and that's good for me, but I'm still tired. I got up anyway, after stretching, but I'm moving slowly this morning and gingerly. I hurt. My fingers hurt. My toes and my knees hurt. The muscles on my sides hurt where they are being stretched for breast reconstruction. I'm itchy this morning. When I scratch I can't feel parts of my skin. It's disconcerting, but I scratch and eventually it gets better. I'm thirsty, and that's something I can fix. A cup of cool water will feel good sliding down my throat chasing my pills down so that my brain is right thinking and my hands shake less, and my body stays on an even keel as much as possible.
I still have a cold. My nose is runny and I'm coughing. I'm generally feeling sorry for myself, and it's okay. I need to really feel this so I can get past it. For this too shall pass. Eventually this cold will wear itself out. My head will clear and my coughing will stop. My cold won't pull me down forever. It will get better.
With more sleep, consistently, I will wake up feeling refreshed instead of tired. Soon my breast reconstruction will be complete and then it will be whatever it is which will be better than now with the ports poking at my sides when I turn the wrong way, and with the left insert being a little off kilter. That will be different when the inserts are gone and the implants are in place and my clothes will fit better and I will look and feel more "normal." I think I will adjust to my "new normal" in time.
Where nerves have been cut the feelings will be absent. I'll get used to it. The itching might continue, and I'll use creams and lotions and my little bamboo back scratcher and I will relieve some of that discomfort. I will learn to eat mindfully, avoiding too much sugar and paying attention to my portions my body will respond in a positive way. I will feel better, lose weight and be more healthy.
I'm working on it. I will be more comfortable in my new normal. It takes time and effort and the thought that all good things come to those who wait comes to mind. I'm not sitting idly by just waiting for things to change. I know I have to make the change happen with my own efforts. I'm on it. With the help and support of Spark People I will succeed at this endeavor. I'm making progress and I'm getting better. The stress of being "uncomfortable" is the impetus I need to make the changes I need to make to find comfort in my new healthier lifestyle.