1-99 SparkPoints 43

10 YEARS :(

Saturday, January 11, 2014

This breaks my heart to write.
I started 2014 with the heaviest weight that I've been in just over 10 years. I am presently 300 pounds.

I am so ashamed of myself I did this to me.

The night time bingeing; the days on end of spending most of the day in bed and eating fast food (which is basically junk food).

I have already started to change my lifestyle ONCE again.
I am riding my bike again.
I am going to the gym - kind of regular.
NO MORE fast food.

I am trying to snap myself out of this depression that I've been in.
This depression just doesn't seem to be going away.
I cut off most of my hair; which is usually the sign that I am snapping out of this
BUT then I went back to bed again
I am continuing with seeing the PNP and the Therapist.
Praying . . .

I can not allow myself to be this heavy
My asthma
My neuropathy
My spinal fusion
My disc

I've went so far backwards in my recovery and my health
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I understand how you feel. We cannot let our pain or our weight be who we are. I have let my pain consume me. The only thing that I could still do...was eat. We just need to do something, every day, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

    Look at how you have come already! We WILL do it!
    2668 days ago
    Maga, everyone has about said it all. Don't be ashamed, just get back doing what you can and remember you have had some very tough things happen to you over the past three years and early in your life. It is human nature to eat our feelings and that is the hardest change to make. Do as Daisy said and take those baby steps.

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    2670 days ago
  • DAISY443
    Dear Maga,
    DO NOT BE ASHAMED. You already realize all the factors that have contributed to your weight gain. You already know how to fix it. Remember to take baby steps and not try to change everything at once. Do not be ashamed. Be aware that you can change these things and will.
    2670 days ago
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    We've missed you ! I had hoped you were just off on an adventure...Maga, You can do this. We've all had slip ups..I certainly did ( I gained all my weight back..all of it!)...Ride your bike on the days when the weather is nice. Go to the Gym with your daughter (or not if she is otherwise occupied)..Didn't you win their weight loss contest at the Gym? You can do it again!'s winter but Spring and Summer are coming soon. Everything looks better in the Spring and Summer. I have a vision in my head of you and your sweet Granddaughter at the Park, laughing and having fun.
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    2673 days ago
    You have decided to get healthier and that's a good step forward. Believe in yourself and know that you can do this. I encourage you to read some inspiring stories here on SP and know that if all these people can do it so can you. Many of them weighed more and couldn't walk the length of their driveway in the beginning. You are capable of doing this. Read the stories. Do it! You will feel so much better! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2675 days ago
  • BEEJAY49
    You can do this Maga! One day at a time, one step at a time! Love you! HUGS!
    2675 days ago
    I'm rooting for you! emoticon emoticon
    2676 days ago
    You do not have a choice to lay back down in bed and nosh away,because if you continue you will have 6 men walking slowly beside you. This is not what you want to do to your family correct? My cousin was over 400 pounds his Dad died of the same weight at 36 of a heart attack. My cousin new that is where he would be in the ground before long. He made that choice to live he is 185 pounds he is living a life of all the dreams that are now reality. he runs races he is awesome!! This is not going to be easy for you or as a matter of a fact for any of us starting out on a journey of fitness.Once this weight is off you will have less pain also. I work in a pharmacy I have seen people so over weight that when they lost it , no more high blood pressure medication or cholesterol or diabetes insulin or pills. it can be done how bad do you want it??? Come on I am rooting for you !!! I would lay on the couch in the past & nosh away with Doritos reading fitness magazines can you imagine that one.? My husband would say do you feel the burn ??? GRRRR!!!
    I finally got off that couch at night and started to be more active I actually got sick of my self, it was a slow process but I did it, my husband is on his way also to losing we changed with the junk food ,eating out . I find eating a protein & 1 fat for a snack keeps me full because it takes longer to digest, I am a night eater so I had to change what I was consuming. I will have a piece of Fit & Active string cheese 50 calories, & 1 tablespoon peanut butter on celery or Fit & Active caramel rice cake with peanut butter on it . I also freeze my Fit & active yogurt takes longer to eat as it is frozen solid.On Sundays I bake a roaster full of wedge cabbage, with whole sweet potato , red sweet peppers , parsnips, brussel sprouts,carrots,then only 1 teaspoon of olive oil. mix it all up with your hands, bake at 250 degrees for 4 to 6 hours, do not add water, what happens it is all caramelized when they are done with an inch of water that naturally comes from the vegetables. I have these all week long as a snack also even in the evening or when ever I feel l need something before a main meal.Here is another one take a whole chicken sprinkle Lauyers salt in the cavity & out side of the chicken take reynold's wrap & roll the wrap up in balls about 6 of them to cover the bottom of crock pot add 1 cup of water on top place chicken on Reynaldo's balls then bake high for 6 hours or slow for 8 hours, meat is not dry just like a most rotisserie chicken!! I also bought a Nuti Bullet from amazon I but in a handful of baby spinach , 1/2 apple/1/ pear 1/h cup frozen strawberries ./1/2 cup blue berries. & 1 banana a sprinkle of flax seed if you wish or chia seeds blend a way in just a few seconds you have the most awesome tasting filling drink. ( if you do not like spinach you will not even be able to taste it . Give your self a new beginning you are so worth it!!! emoticon
    Take care
    2676 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14171584
    I know it is disheartening.. you can do this..we are all striving for the same..just stay active in Sparks and doing the very best you can knowing that everything is going to be okay
    2676 days ago
  • 144AUTUMN

    Forget about yesterday or last year etc....this is a NEW day a NEW beginning!!!


    Each new day, just keep adding better foods, more exercise, more water etc...then the day before.....YOU GOT THIS!!!!!!
    2676 days ago
  • JSPIN74
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    2676 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1479887
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    2676 days ago
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