Fan Freaking Phenomenal Tastic

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Smash the Scale - I am ALL IN.

Last year I put my scale away indefinitely. Not only has it been freeing, it has been empowering. It has even been a bit revolutionary for me. I began to focus on doing what made me happy and what made me feel strong. I walked at lunch for my mental health, to stay happy. And I began running after work because it made me feel strong. I managed to lose a pound or two, but honestly didn't even care. I felt better in general and I felt good about the skin I'm in.

In November I shifted my focus, intentionally and conscientiously to writing. I spent my lunch hours writing instead of working out and often went home to continue writing after work rather than working out. But I felt fine because the choice was intentional. I wasn't doing something wrong, I wasn't slacking, I wasn't being bad.

December was spent recovering from NaNo and getting ready for the holidays. I also was getting a roommate for the first time since college in an apartment i've lived in alone for 5ish years. So there was obviously much work to be done. I occasionally felt a little bad about not working out in December, but maintained my mentality that I was focusing on what made me happy and feel strong. Plus, holidays.

Then, just before Christmas I started talking to a guy online. At one point he told me he thought I was a very attractive woman. Then he told me I looked happy and confident in one of my pictures. I took him at his word, but didn't truly internalize it all that much. Or so I thought. Then I met the guy in person after a lot of emails and a few phone calls. After our meeting he told me he was awestruck when he first saw me. This I internalized a bit more.

I only just started going back to the gym. Initially I was finishing up the prep for the roommate. Then I had a very busy week full of appointments. I tend to be fairly all or nothing, so if I couldn't make it to the gym more than once or twice in a week I do tend to throw in the towel. My office is so cold I've been wearing two pairs of pants every day. I got a pair of yoga pants to try and wore them today. Thing is that I usually take off the outer pair of dress pants and leave the underneath workout pants on.

All of this explanation is building to this. I wore this pair of yoga pants that were about as tight as could be and a fitted tshirt that did not cover my backside. I noticed a few random guys around the gym, a couple right behind me. And not only was I not self-conscious, I kind of felt fantastic. I have come fully into the belief that I have fantastic legs and a phenomenal arse. I also have a very nice rack. Not accounting for my beautiful smile, gorgeous eyes and phenomenal personality. ;)

For awhile now I've felt pretty great about my body and how I move about in this world. Today I felt absolutely fan freaking tastic. And I have no clue how much I weigh, nor do I want to. I have never been happier in my body. I have never, ever been un-self conscious at the gym, much less in a pair of yoga pants leaving nothing much to the imagination! I have never felt as sexy and confident as I did today.

So, smash the scale?
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