Tuesday, February 11, 2014

I thought that when I got out of rehab that I could just jump back into my prior life, pick up my diet and all would be great. I did not count on having to deal with new and different issues.

I had missed spring and most of summer. All of a sudden the positive attitude I had managed to maintain thought the hospitalizations and rehab disappeared. I was depressed and angry. I had people coming into my home (home health care & therapists) telling me what to do and how to do it. I was cheerful and cooperative while they were here and then sit down and cry when they left. I did not share my feelings with anyone of ask for help. I was sure that I would snap out of it soon.

As it turned out it wasn't that simple. During rehab I had to eat what was served, that meant a diet of mostly carbs, I tried to stick to my diet as best I could but found out those old carb cravings were back. Especially when I got back home and had access to the kitchen again. One of the other problems was nothing was convenient. The bathroom was too small, I could not maneuver with my walker, not to mention that it was upstairs and I had to use crutches to get to it. The kitchen was impossible, nothing was convenient and the occupational therapist was determined to rearrange everything. I did learn to adapt and things got easier but my depression and anger did not improve.

Before I knew it the holidays were on us and I realized I could not do things the way I always had. Cooking full holiday dinners was way beyond me as was decorating the house. My nieces were wonderful and came and helped do everything. Things worked out beautifully, but instead of being happy and enjoying it all I could do was think of all the things I wanted to do and couldn't.

To top everything off, my Dr. discovered I had a stomach ulcer again. Luckily they decided to treat it instead of surgery, but that meant I was back on a liquid diet. In addition to the ulcer, I was diagnosed with parathyroid disease. The parathyroid disease required surgery to remove at least one of the four parathyroid glands.

Enough dwelling on all of that, my ulcer has cleared up, I had my parathyroid surgery, and I asked for help with my anger and depression. My hip has healed well, and I am now at the point of seeing an orthopedic surgeon about my knees so I can get some exercise and get rid of my crutches.

I am still undergoing tests to find put why I am vomiting and nauseous, but my positive attitude is coming back and although I am still angry I understand that the anger is ok and a reasonable emotion. I am struggling to get my diet back under control but my commitment is strong and I can do this.

I am going to accept and use the resources that are available to me and with all that help I will succeed. I don't believe I ever really gave up, but I did lose sight of my goals for a while. I have gained a lot of insight on myself and have also learned just how resilient the human body is. My direction is now focused on success and I will do my best to retain that focus.

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    I am happy that things are looking up for you and am sending wishes for your continued improvement and strength!
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    2679 days ago
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