I believe it was somewhere around 2nd grade when I started to gain weight. Unfortunately I don't have a really interesting story as to why I started gaining weight, I just did, and suddenly I was heavier than my friends. Every summer I dreamed of figuring out how to lose weight and coming back to school that fall looking like a completely different person, everyone would "ooh and ahh" and I would finally feel "like everybody else," but that never happened.
Over the years my weight continued to climb. I was never good in PE, I dreaded it and would find any excuse possible to get out of it. I was an "A" student but I was willing to accept a "C" in PE because I hated it so much. But other than my lack of athleticism, my weight never seemed to have that profound of an effect on my life. Sure I wanted to be thin like my friends, but I was still able to do most of the things I wanted to do, people still told me I was pretty, I was still able to succeed academically...sure I never had boyfriends in school and was completely oblivious to anyone who did show romantic interest in me (I can see now that's what they were doing, but I was clueless then), but that was OK too, I figured one day I would find the right guy. So although I wished to be thin and would go on diets on a regular basis, I would usually lose about 10 lbs and then get bored or stressed out and quit. I never took serious action towards achieving my goal and I'm guessing that was because I had made peace with being "the fat, funny friend with good style."
Once I started college my life continued in pretty much the same vein, except that I did start dating. Since I was still heavy, I think I assumed that I should "take what I could get" romantically, so over the next 10 years all of my relationships were dysfunctional, sometimes to the point of being abusive, and very short lived. The straw that broke the camel's back was a 9 month relationship with a man I believe to be a sociopath (1 in every 25 people is a sociopath...scary). I had finally decided I had had enough and I deserved more and I ended things, which was the first time that ever happened. Oddly enough though I was still devastated, so my appetite depleted considerably and I dropped 20 pounds in a month, which was the most I had ever lost at one time.
Dropping those 20 pounds made me feel pretty good though. I went and bought some new clothes and marveled at the size I was able to fit into (still in the plus size store, but at least I was a small in the plus size store). And as I started to feel better, I started to get a little more confident with men, and I also started to eat more regularly...so about 5 pounds came back. And then I met my husband.
Marvin was unlike any man I had ever met. He was smart, funny, supportive, and although he was in fantastic shape, he didn't expect me to be and he never made me feel bad about my size, on the contrary he celebrated my body and was always incredibly complimentary. He also loved to eat and try new foods, so we definitely had that in common. And as often happens when people settle into a happy relationship, my weight climbed back up.
When we returned from a quick trip to Disneyland this past December, I got on the scale and saw a number I never had before, the highest weight I had ever been, and that's when I decided enough was enough. I was tired of being tired, I was fed up with the headaches, I wanted to be able to start a family and actually be around to watch them grow and not become old before my time. So my new years resolution was to get serious about health and weight loss, and I decided coming back to SparkPeople would be the best way to help me get started. I've been so overwhelmed with the support and encouragement I've received since getting involved with the SparkTeams and making SparkFriends, and I feel like that interaction is definitely aiding in my weight loss.
When I got on the scale this morning, I saw a number that I hadn't seen in 7 years...a 20 lb loss. I literally did a little dance on the scale (I'm lucky I didn't fall off). The really cool part is, instead of worrying about how hard it would be to maintain that loss or to actually improve upon it (my normal response), I actually thought to myself, "How cool is this?! I get to go further than I ever have before and continue improving, how fun!"
So SparkFriends, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. If you've read this far I want to thank-you because I know I can be extremely long-winded. I look forward to many future updates to this story, and to being there to encourage and motivate you as you have for me.
Happy Friday Everyone! I hope where you are, you're able to enjoy some sunshine today!