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Acceptance

Saturday, February 22, 2014

That word can mean oh so much.

But today I am just quickly going to mention 3 things:

It is the 3 year anniversary of my mothers death today. I go into a semi-panic, meltdown mode at this time of year, every year . My anxiety and depression go into overload. I lose all sense of self. It's like I can manage much of the grief and sadness that overcomes me throughout the year, but these days around the anniversary utterly destroy me. I have not accepted I will never hear her voice or see her face again. I miss her dearly.

I am exceptionally accepting of people. I try to be positive, thoughtful and kind to all. Especially those I adore. In fact, my acceptance of people and situations is one of my best qualities. However, the few times in my life I need the support and acceptance and don't receive it from people I hoped could be there for me, crush my spirit. I made the mistake of looking for some positive acceptance where none was to be found. The result was hurtful.

I am accepting of the fact that not only did I eat poorly today, but actually enjoyed the 2 small servings of strawberry ice cream. My mother loved ice creamed it reminded me of eating sweet treats with her. I was only sorry they didn't have praline which was her favorite.

This time of year really gets me. I try to remain positive, but, well, sometimes you just gotta make your way through the Valley of Despair.

Thanks for listening.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TWESTEN1
    What a tough day for you - I'm sorry that you're having to deal with it alone & in another country. And I think it's good that you enjoyed some ice cream and thought of her. That was well worth the calories. It's a heartbreaking thing to lose someone we love & the pain will always be there... I just hope that it gets a little easier for you. I hope that today can be a day of remembering her and feeling her love. Sending hugs your way.
    2713 days ago
  • KSWENSON8
    I am so sorry you are going through this right now.. I cannot imagine losing my mom. We are best friends and I would be so devastated... Give yourself permission to feel and to grieve and to slack off a little bit when you are in that state. It's okay.. Just try and remember that she wants the best for you, wants you to be happy, and she definitely wants you to keep moving forward in your life. I know those are things my mom would want for me. Keep your chin up. I'll be praying for you. emoticon
    2713 days ago
  • KSWENSON8
    I am so sorry you are going through this right now.. I cannot imagine losing my mom. We are best friends and I would be so devastated... Give yourself permission to feel and to grieve and to slack off a little bit when you are in that state. It's okay.. Just try and remember that she wants the best for you, wants you to be happy, and she definitely wants you to keep moving forward in your life. I know those are things my mom would want for me. Keep your chin up. I'll be praying for you. emoticon
    2713 days ago
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