Sunday, February 23, 2014
Lately I have been concentrating so much on my spiritual development, and I seem to have conquered a lot in that area. My health has been staying behind though. It seems as if I can never find a balance between the different areas of my life. If it's not one thing it's another. Something is always lacking and something is always excessive. So be it. But as I have started tracking my fasting glucose readings again, I have noticed an unhealthy upward trend. Same in my weight, although slow and fluctuating.
Therefore I have decided to take the next few months to concentrate on my health again. Last time I made real progress, I had a burnout and nervous breakdown. I'm back up to the same weight I started at, and this time though, I am armed with knowledge and medication. One thing still lacks however. Motivation. I know I need it, and I know I don't want to die early like my dad did. Neither do I want to live sickly like my grandparents did. I know I have diabetes and I have seen what it has done to the people around me.
Why is it then, that I can't seem to find the spark to push forward? Is food really that great? Is it the thought of eating at a restaurant and sharing a memorable time with my family? These are plausible reasons. And if so, there must be a way to enjoy food and family time without jeopardizing my own health and well-being. I admit, I haven't given these things much thought. So here I am as a fool at the beginning of a journey, not knowing where she is going but one thing's for sure. The direction is forward, not backwards.