Where Have I Been?!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Good evening Sparkpeoples!

First of all, it has been WAY too long! I apologize for dropping off the face of the earth, I kind of just got to this weird point that I just couldn't handle it anymore, any of it, all of it, everything. I am now sitting at about 290lbs (as of last weigh in), this is the heaviest that I have ever been and honestly I am ashamed that I let myself get to this point, but that is irrelevant.

My health has been a roller coaster ride from hell, but I am still alive thus far, so there's that.

I turned 26 this past February and lost my insurance, found myself still poor and unable to work, so I have begun the tedious and nerve wracking process of applying for disability.

I was a full time Nanny for my youngest nephew (who is now almost 11 months old! ACK! They grow so fast!) for about 8 and a half months, I honestly loved it. However, when I lost insurance I could no longer afford the only medications that were even moderately helping, my health tanked rapidly, so I recently had to give up caring for him.

Yeah, so heart ripped out, kicked around, and stomped into the dirt. Sigh. I miss my little monkey.

Thus I find myself here, right here, standing at the edge of the field, ready to get back into the game. I need to lose weight so desperately it really isn't even funny. For instance, I look forward to being able to tie my shoes comfortably again and wear 3/4 of what I have in my closet, I have missed that.

I started by exercising yesterday, nothing crazy, nothing strenuous, just enough to remind myself that I have missed working out. I continued by exercising again today, still light, still simple, but a good start none the less. My struggle is still what it has always been, I just cannot seem to get my head out of the "I need to eat my body weight in all of that" space. I have set up for counting calories again (not with SP, sorry, easier for me to keep it on paper) and I have been trying to make little good decisions. Trying to trust the process and remember that little things matter too.

I am looking forwards to returning to the SP world and all of the people who have been a sounding board and support system in the past. So here I am, back in the game, more nervous than I have probably ever been, more determined too.

Let's do this!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD2092681
    2577 days ago
    emoticon emoticon I did miss you. Welcome back. Sorry about the health problems....we all wish young people would be in good health.
    Little things do count so....keep it up!
    2577 days ago
    Welcome back!

    It seems like everyone always thinks I must have done special with my weight loss, and all it was a continual little decisions. emoticon
    2578 days ago
    Welcome back!! Glad to see you here.
    2578 days ago
  • no profile photo HOTPINKCAMARO49
    emoticon We can do this together! Never give up!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2578 days ago
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