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Fed Up!

Monday, June 16, 2014

OK, that's it. I've had it with myself. No more excuses. No more "oh I'll do better," "things will get better once I start feeling better emotionally," "I'll run tomorrow."

No. I'm done. I'm not going to make excuses anymore. I'm mad at myself for what I've let myself do after all the hard work I put in.

I got weighed at the doctor's office today - 171. I got home and weighed myself on my scale - 167.5. I've gained almost 30 lbs. And that really pisses me off. I'm going to make some immediate lifestyle changes that I know will get me back to health in the end. I'm going to be totally honest with you guys, because I probably have not been the most honest with myself.

I've had a day of reflection today after a sleepless night and I've come to the following conclusions:

1) I have to cut down on my drinking. I'm sure a lot of this weight gain has been a result of adding hundreds of calories via alcohol. I firmly believe that my last night was totally sleepless because I didn't drink anything. I have to get a grip on it and go back to running instead of alcohol when I'm feeling low.

2) Enough with the "I'll run tomorrow." No, I will run today (OK well not TODAY as I'm recovering from food poisoning but whenever I hear myself say "tomorrow" I will say "no, TODAY"). My running has to return, I can't just say "I'll run tomorrow" and expect results. It doesn't work that way. I don't care if I get home from work at 7pm and I have to be at the gym until 9pm. I don't care how tired I am. I am going to run.

3) Enough with the sweets and fried food. Fried food is absolutely my weakness, and I've been having probably a little too much fast food lately. I also accepted a piece of cake the other day at work and immediately afterward felt sick. I don't doubt I know why!

4) I have to pick my head up. I've been beating myself up and not in a constructive way, and I've allowed myself to get pushed around and pushed in the mud by people. That's not who I was when I reached goal. When I reached goal, I was strong, happy and confident. I don't feel any of those things now and it's because I'm not trying and I'm not coping in a positive way!

So maintenance has kicked my butt a bit, but I think I've pinpointed the event that caused everything to turn around for the worse. And I'm going to make that aspect of my life better as well. Because I want to be happy and fit again. I want to run this August half marathon and feel good about the way I run it. I want to turn to healthy outlets for my stress again instead of immediately turning to alcohol or food. It's a slippery slope, and I'm not going to let myself slide.

Thanks for reading, and feel free to kick my butt into getting myself together on a daily basis! I'll need it! I'm going to start weighing weekly again and keeping an accurate weight on the tracker. I have to.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    998 days ago
    4 years later. hope this finds you sparking.
    1068 days ago
    No matter where you are today, there are people who are still inspired by what you have done, wondering how youre doing today... :) I am one!!! You and I have the unfortunate truth of gaining back after a highly successful loss.... I'm back on here after some time.... if you come back around hit me up!!!
    1912 days ago
    I too have found maintenance to be harder somehow than the weight loss journey. I have been in "maintenance mode" for 3.5 years and still struggle with it. I yo-yo about a 10 pound swing and I have learned that I will always have to count calories.
    2116 days ago
    Woohooo!!! You go girl!!!
    2205 days ago
  • no profile photo JSEATTLE
    Sounds like you kicked your own butt and got out there and DID IT!! Congratulations for motivating me!
    2261 days ago
    how are you doing? hope it's emoticon
    2293 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2395 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13351249
    You can do it! I had a recent awakening myself, different challenges but very similar self-awareness. I have 70 pounds to go and just need to get it done. Love your attitude. This is all within our control and we will make it happen. You obviously know how to do this and I look forward to following your progress.
    2399 days ago
    loved reading your post today. You have an unconditional commitment kind of attitude. Remember that you're not just doing this for yourself...you are inspiring others. So happy to be on this journey with people like you. emoticon
    2402 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4199227
    If not now when f not me who just found your blog hope all if well and on target.
    2402 days ago
    I was meant to read your blog today, as I could have said everything you listed about myself! I was feeling beat down about my backslide, but now I feel motivated to pick myself up and chase down my goals =)
    2488 days ago
    I've had so many thoughts like this. If you've done it before, you can do it again! Keep at it.
    2505 days ago
    Great post. Thanks for your honesty. Well said.
    2517 days ago
    Believe and achieve! Then just keep on keeping on. emoticon
    2520 days ago
    You can do it, Lady! As your blog said "We all fall down"... As long as you get back up!!!!
    2521 days ago
  • TREE57
    I like what Watermellon said to change the "a" to "I" and become the person you know you are FITGIRLRUN.

    You have it all going for you, it's good you caught up with yourself when you did. Be good to yourself and your body. Alcohol will lie and deceive....it's a sly one, be cautious.

    You can do this! Now, GO RUN TODAY!

    2521 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13351097
    I am very happy to hear that you have shed so much unwanted weight. Well done.
    But I am saddened by your attitude towards yourself ,(even your spakname is a put down).
    I can see from your photograph that you are young and beautiful. Please be kinder to yourself. Love yourself enough not to be upset too much by what others say or think.
    Congratulate yourself on your many achievements. Only eat wholesome, healthy foods. Exercise moderately. Do everything from love and please stop punishing yourself.
    All living creatures only really respond to love.
    2521 days ago
  • ROCKMAN6797
    Maintenance is hard work. As our body adjusts to the new us it seems like if we even look at the wrong kind of food we pay. I can sympathize with your plight but it sounds like you have identified the issue now it is just a matter of putting the fix into play. You can do this!

    2521 days ago
    So, and Well, and ??????

    You haven't updated, how's that BUTT kicking? I do hope you are moving in the right direction... Saying it first always helps!

    GO GET 'M....


    2521 days ago
    Good job in getting it down in print! I was terrified writing my first blog posts - worried about judgement from others!

    But you don't find that here - only good thoughts and wishes from everyone!

    Alcohol is also my biggest problem and it's a HARD habit to break. I've manged to cut out at least 5,000 cals a week minimum - just in alcohol alone by changing my habits but feel it's always there hovering and it won't take much to send me back there!

    You are clearly not alone!
    2521 days ago
    I wish I knew your name because I certainly don't want to call you FatGirl... Anyway, I am going through EXACTLY the same challenges at the moment. I lost about 17 Kilos (about 37 pounds) and kept it off for more than a year. Recently, I also started slipping with sweets, alcohol and slacking on my walking routine and big surprise... I have started gaining weight back. I have gained back 4 Kilos (about 10 pounds) and I am also totally pissed about it. I actually read your post because I hoped it would inspire me to get back on program. It DID! And thanks for that!


    You know that you can do it because you have already done it. What is important now is to keep yourself honest and go back to what you did to lose the weight in the first place. Try to find that same mind set for now. You were DETERMINED, you didn't ignore the alcoholic drinks you had back then, you logged them in your nutrition counter. And like you said, you didn't think "Tomorrow" when the thought of running crossed your mind, you laced up your shoes and went. And let's face it, you ALWAYS feel better afterwards!

    I can so totally relate to this post, I feel like I wrote it myself! You are not alone! I'm pulling for you every bit of the way!!

    emoticon emoticon
    2521 days ago
    2521 days ago
    emoticon hope as of today things have began to change for you. Keep making it a deliberate act to change.
    2537 days ago
    Thanks for sharing this honest blog, this just shows we can not slack after we reach our goals and it shows how easy it is to fall back to old habits.
    But acknowledging what is going on seems like a very good first step.
    And perhaps going public with it might help you in getting back on track with the running, as this keeps you accountable.
    Perhaps you can sign up for a race to have a short term goal again?
    emoticon emoticon

    2547 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/28/2014 4:57:04 AM
    Fan-freaking-tastic gameplan. Go get some, girl, and don't stop till you drop!!!! :D
    2550 days ago
  • _LINDA
    Like Watermellen said changing one letter in your name -love it! Those calories pack on so very quick! But you got this! Being able to run is golden, its a mega calorie burner and its also very psychologically motivating from what I hear. The first thing I noticed when I came to your page was the happy profile photo of a runner, and yes, the background saying it all too! This is a gal that Loves. To. Run! Lace 'em up and get out there! Nirvanna awaits! Leave the garbage behind! Run in a quiet wooded place if you can, really nothing like greenery to lift the mood! So you lost touch with who you are for awhile. You can find her again!
    Go, girl GO!
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    2556 days ago
    And you're already well on your way! You've already identified the issues that led to your gain and have a plan to get yourself back on track--now you just need to execute to reclaim your fitness and happiness. It's also great that you've pinpointed what set your off track in the first place so you can right yourself in that area of your life as well. It often just takes one triggering event to start a domino effect, but that doesn't mean you can't combat that and learn to cope in more constructive ways.

    You can do this, girl, and we've got your backs!
    2556 days ago
    Great honesty and reflection. I have slipped a little in the past week and am getting myself back on track... Reading about your "no, run today" program has inspired me to get moving again. I have a half marathon in November and I want to get my best ever time and I think I can do that if I continue to lose weight - as I was before the past week.

    Thank you for writing this! I am inspired and your blog reminded me how good it feels to run... I hope it reminded you too!
    2557 days ago
    This is who we have to be totally honest with ourselves... I think our family & friends some times down play us while all the while looking kinda of shocked that we've gained weight. So it starts & ends with us! emoticon emoticon

    God bless & thanks for the motivation for me as well.

    2558 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/17/2014 1:18:48 PM
    its great that you're being honest with yourself. i feel the same way you do, been lots of sleepless nights because i'm so fed up with myself. Sometimes you really need to just talk yourself into things. When i have a hard time with working out or i ate something bad, i treat myself like a child and keep it simple... dont beat yourself up too bad, we are all too judgmental towards ourselves, yet we would never be so harsh on others.
    2558 days ago
    Being honest with yourself is the first step and you have done that. Doing something about it is the hard part but you are on your way. Most people can't wait to get to maintenance because they think that everything is going to be easy then. But it is even harder because the incentives aren't there anymore. That is why most people gain the weight back. But you can do this. You have your mind set, you have the tools and you have the support. You will make it happen!
    2558 days ago
    My weight and my resolve yo-yo, too! Try to forgive yourself and make today a better day. Have you thought about making a vision board? Or writing a personal goal statement and reading it a couple times a day?
    2558 days ago
    Thanks for the friend add!! We are very close in weight now and while I have been on SP for almost 8 years - I've been 'stuck' in this weight range and haven't budged and I know for me - the BIGGEST reason is the alcohol which leads to craving the bad foods too (fried, sweet, salty, etc).

    I'd love to buddy up and keep in touch more as we both turn things around. I'm FED UP too... tired of the yo-yo (I was at 173 this morning - and have been in the range from this to 166 for some time - striving to reach 159.5 by my SP anniversary).

    2558 days ago
    How about changing your name to FITGIRLRUN? Just one letter -- but it's an "I" and you can tell yourself "I"' am making this happen!!
    2558 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    We have to be sure what we choose to do is something we can actually sustain through work and its food availablity, love life troubles, etc. If we try to stay at a weight that demands too much vigilance, we will be grappling for a long time. This doesn't mean we give up and succumb to constant overeating! But it has to work for the long run. If you don't think you can be doing it five years from now,

    I haven't had the usual issues with maintenance, except for one big fall a few years ago, because I've made my changes more slowly this time. (I lost at your age and at later ages and thought I would live under quite strict circumstances that felt easy at the time forever. I was wrong.) And because I've learned more about how to make sure I enjoy the food I do have and not feel I'm sacrificing too much. And a few more decades of having food not really help make things better has its benefits, too!

    You'll be so lucky to get this down now. You still likely have marriage and children and years of working ahead of you. You deserve to feel that it can all fit at least reasonably!
    2558 days ago
    You and me BOTH, BUT WE CAN DO THIS! Just recovering from a hip injury and some continuing female issues, but I have been back on the road 3 weeks and feel better than I have since December. Keep posting and share your journey!! Let's do this together!!!
    2558 days ago
    You and me BOTH, BUT WE CAN DO THIS! Just recovering from a hip injury and some continuing female issues, but I have been back on the road 3 weeks and feel better than I have since December. Keep posting and share your journey!! Let's do this together!!!
    2558 days ago
    I wouldn't say you need your butt kicked anymore. The scales at the doctor's office did that. And I can relate to #'s 1,2,3 and 4, especially 1. And 2. Yea, 3 and until recently, 4. But what I learn from are moments. Like the one you pin-pointed as the reason for your turn for the worse. Share if you want, I have a guess in mind. The thing is now you are ready to go and have a plan and a goal. How about a new SP name change, I bet you're past first three letters.
    2558 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    emoticon emoticon Hop back on the spark wagon, it is always here just waiting for you! Best of luck to you.
    2558 days ago
    I like this blog,,I like your honesty with yourself. You don't need anyone kicking your butt you did a good job of kicking it yourself ha ha Realizing what your issues are and doing something positive about it is half the battle!! You've got this!! emoticon emoticon
    2558 days ago
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