When I look at the top two pictures in that collage, I'm still shocked. 6 years later, it's still amazing to me that I allowed myself to get "THAT BIG". We've all seen people and wondered how they didn't know they were obese. We have mirrors. We can see ourselves, right?
Only we don't see ourselves. Not really. You don't look too closely at the parts that are uncomfortable. You tell yourself, "I'm big, but I'm not huge." I was sure that I was overweight, but I certainly didn't think I was obese.
That is, until I stepped on the scale and saw 270.
Stepped off and stepped back on. Still 270.
How did I let that happen? Isn't that what we think when we see someone grossly obese? 600lbs, and you think...how did they let that happen?! But 270 happened to me, and it's much easier to pretend the elephant isn't in the room than it is to try to tame it.
I hated pictures of myself, but always thought it just had to be the angle. I could always justify it somehow, without actually doing anything about it. My husband at the time loved me as I was. We got fat together, so he couldn't really say anything to me.
Now, when I look in the mirror, I see the areas I need to work on. I SEE the fat, and am harder on myself than I was back then. It takes looking at those photos, side by side, to allow myself to really feel good about the body I'm in now. It looks damn good compared to 2008.
This body carries me through life. It carries me through divorces and hardships. These arms carry burdens, free weights, and sweet babies. These legs push through deadlifts, mile after mile of running, and the quicksand of life.
And these shoulders? Ah, these shoulders!! They are wide with strength and blessings.