My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

No, it’s not a comedy like the Alexander movie that is currently showing. Sunday was one of my worst days in a very long time.

It started out okay – coffee and conversation with Mike, a little house cleaning and laundry.

In the early afternoon I went to see the couple who operated the daycare my oldest son attended. Over the years they have become a second set of parents to me, grandparents to my sons (who still call them Grandma and Grandpa) and their six children another family to me. They are leaving for Florida this coming weekend so I wanted to spend time with them. They will be gone until mid-April and at ages 79 and 82, I just never know when the last visit may be.

Their middle daughter was diagnosed with a debilitating about 20 years ago and her case is severe. Due to her medications, and a recent divorce she has become verbally abusive to her parents and siblings. It doesn’t help that a cousin and his wife continue to prey on her vulnerability and fill her mind with untruths. She lives next door to her parents, and also has a home near theirs in Florida so they are anxious to get her away from these vultures and down to Florida.

A month ago, their oldest daughter had surgery to remove a grapefruit-size tumor on her ovary and several cluster tumors from her stomach area. They were able to get all the cancer but she was told that it is the type of cancer that keeps returning. Now her parents have to make a decision between taking one daughter away from the bad influences (and her dad can’t handle the cold winters anymore) or staying here with the other daughter. It is so heartbreaking.

After I left their house, I went to my mom’s to pick up a few things for her – she is on her third week staying at my sister’s due to her anxiety. We remain hopeful that her new therapist has her on the right track to getting well, or at least able to be on her own. She had borrowed her van to my great-nephew and he was supposed to bring her some items from her house but she hadn’t seen him yet. I called him and he said they were in the van and told me where he was – a local bar. When I got there I asked if he had been drinking (he has had a DWI and an arrest for disorderly conduct when drunk), and he blew up at me, calling me names, saying that my sister (his mother), my mom and I are “holier-than-thou @#&%*”, and was just being awful. He got me at the wrong time, and I completely lost my temper. Some very awful things were said and I am not sure our relationship can recover from it. He has used my mom for years – ignoring her until he needs a place for he and his two sons to stay, money or a vehicle. I reached my breaking point yesterday and pretty much let all my years of frustration out. If he were to get in an accident, and Heaven forbid someone was seriously injured or killed, my mom could lose everything. He has always blamed his misfortunes on everyone but himself; and he needs to wake up and realize he makes his own choices and has to face the consequences. He can’t be a 38-year old, single father and act like he’s still 21. My sister and I decided that we need to back away (and convince Mom to do the same) until he realizes that we have always been the ones who have been there for him and apologizes for the way he has treated in the past. At the same time, we have to make sure his sons know how important they are to us. I am planning to call the 16-year old tonight and go visit the 9-year old when he is with his mother this weekend. Fortunately she and I have been able to maintain communication despite their awful divorce. Those boys have been put through so much (mother’s infidelity, the divorce, living with two of his dad’s girlfriends, their mom’s boyfriend and his dad, two times living with my mom, and three other rentals with their dad in less than eight years) and it breaks my heart.

I was pretty strung out when I got home and told Mike what happened. I was just about to call my great-nephew to tell him that no matter what he hears from his dad, that I love him and his younger brother and will always be there for them. I love my nephew too but really don’t like him much right now.

Before I could call, I was notified that my friend Ellen had lost her battle with cancer. In 14 months I have lost my best friend Pam and Ellen to cancer, as well a classmate (last month) to a sudden heart attack. And, we are only 51-years old!

Ellen was so beautiful on the outside; and yet much more beautiful on the inside. You couldn’t be around her and not love her. She will be missed so much by so many.

I turned on my computer to look at pictures on her facebook page, and just sobbed. I knew it was coming – she had been sent home from the American Cancer Center a couple months ago so we knew her time with us was short. Still it is so hard to comprehend.


Poor Mike had no idea what to do to comfort me, and I couldn’t give him any clues because I was having such a hard time wrapping my own head around the events of the day.

Yesterday and today have been much better days thanks to the support of Mike, my sister, her other son, some great friends and co-workers.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm so sorry for everything that you have been going through. You are so strong and i'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
    2468 days ago
    Just know that you aren't alone in any of this. Take each moment as it comes and treat yourself well.

    I'm sending you extra special huggy thoughts.

    2469 days ago
  • OTEN36
    I'm sorry too hear of your loss.hugs
    2469 days ago
  • DEE107
    so sorry for your lost and your other family hugs
    2469 days ago
  • FRAN0426
    So sorry for the loss of your dear friend Ellen. You have had much loss this year. I certainly feel for your second parents with what they are going through with their children at present. It is difficult for elderly parents to deal with the abuse of one of their children. They very likely need to get away, even tho it means not seeing the daughter who had the surgery. Hope the other abusive one stays away from Florida. They may need to file for her to stay away from them if it gets any worse. So glad you have Mike in your life to help you through some of these situations that throw us for a bit. My thoughts and prayers for all of you. Your nephew needs to grow up, go for sobriety, and make his children his priority at present, they need him.
    2469 days ago
    That was a lot of sorrow & trial packed into one day. I am sorry that it seemed to all pile up on you & happy that it has been better since.

    Your nephew needs the tough love you spoke of --- I hope that for the sake of everyone involved y'all will be strong in giving him that tough love.

    God bless you & keep you safely under His wing of provision & protection!

    2470 days ago
    When it rains it pours. I am so sorry for your loss.
    That must have been a very difficult day for you. Remember though, that you cannot control anybody else's actions. Take good care of yourself.
    2470 days ago
  • AJB121299
    2470 days ago
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