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I'm back!

Friday, January 30, 2015

I FINALLY am settled, rested and ready to spark emoticon as much as possible.

I've been sparking through my ANDROID. PTL for that cell.

I'm in the country, emoticon emoticon and have found relatives I haven't spoken to for a long time, like 30 years!
I thought I had forgiven my aunt for her cruelty towards me.
When my sistrs spoke to her, she didn' ask to speak to me.
I don't know why and I DON'T CARE!
I'm sad to hear she is in hospice with OCPD.
I was all prepared to tell her I had forgiven her for her cruelty.
I also wanted to say, 'My mom will be sad to see you when you enter heaven because of your lies and hutful words to me when I was so hurt over my mos death!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
I mean, emoticon
really, I was her 1st born.
You are not even blood relative.
My mom died of cancer in 1974. My aunt told all of our friends and relatives it was my fault she died.
I was 22. emoticon
It crushed me for so many years.
I forgave her but I was still hurting.
I'm praying about calling her and letting her know I forgive her.
Problem is...
does she even KNOW she hurt me, and if not, would I be hurting her? I do NOT want to hurt her ever. I need closure but not at her expense on her death bed.
There were so many things she said and did.
Her daughter died 3 years ago. She was also cruel. emoticon I pray she found emoticon peace with GOD.
Did I over eat? emoticon emoticon
No, I didn't eat at all......... emoticon
I barely drank water..... emoticon
paritally fatigue from the trip, pain in my spirit over all of the old memories.
I have been stretching and I'm going to WRITE WRITE WRITE!!! emoticon
I will win this battle of weight water and moving once again.
My emotions emoticon are not going to cause me to gain today!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD15121954
    Whether your aunt remembers or is unable to hear you say "I forgive you for the hurtful things you said", it sounds like you have forgiven her. I hope so, for it will only hold you captive. I can remember hurtful things spoken to many so many many years ago, but I forgave the person completely and the words have no power over my life at all.
    Wishing you much comfort and peace, along with many hugs, my friend.
    2316 days ago
    My wife never was able to reconcile with her bitterly abusive mother, and we hope she made peace with God as she lay dying, as she never did prior to that. In all things we trust God, for He alone knows. Our job, is to not be unforgiving. Even that requires God to heal us.
    emoticon there is a balm in Gilead...
    2319 days ago
    So sad all the hurt. In my experience, most people aren't even aware of the words that they hurt us with. I pray that you will have peace over that situation.
    2322 days ago
  • LINDA!
    I am so sorry about all of the family issues. But happy to see you back, emoticon
    2325 days ago
    Glad to have you back! Saturate the situation with your Aunt in prayer before speaking to her and then if God instructs you to talk with her you can know that He has prepared her heart to receive it.

    2325 days ago
    I am glad to read you arrived home safely. I am sorry a lot of hurt resurfaced I know God will help you walk through this.
    2325 days ago
  • KIM22211
    ANYTIME there is family, there will be challenges. It is good you are writing though
    2325 days ago
  • GENRE009
    Family issues are very painful. I had am aunt that was jealous of my mom's beauty. But as I got older I realized that my aunt was really jealous that my mom took my dad away from her. She had to always be the center of attention. I don't think you caused your mother's cancer, but I am sure she loved you & felt hurt when you left her. All mom's would feel that. My father did in fact throw himself into cancer when my mom died. But I think your aunt just wanted to blame someone. It sounds like she was really nasty. I think you should just tell God that you forgive her, it will help your spirit. It doesn't matter in real life whether the person realizes it or not. We still don't have to allow them back into our hearts again. We just want to let got of the baggage we carry around. Look what a blessing came out of all this: you have a wonderful family & grand daughter. I believe your mother would be smiling down from heaven knowing that you are happy now. That's all she ever wanted. eva
    2326 days ago
  • MBPP50
    Glad you are getting to see old relatives. You can forgive your aunt in ways that do not involve talking to her. I hope you can find a way to forgive her so you can find peace and enjoy the rest of your trip.
    2326 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14402600
    Family issues can be so hard. Maybe all you need to do is forgive your aunt in your heart and just let it go. If she isn't aware that she hurt you it won't do her much good. I'm so sorry you had to experience all the hurt and memories, but you will be stronger for it all. God will heal the hurts in time. Looking forward to walking the weight loss path with you. See you out there!
    2326 days ago
    For ME, the first thing I do in situations like that is write. I write a letter detailing my raw feelings . . . getting them out . . . and then crumple the letter. Just helps me release any hostile, or otherwise not-nice feelings I may have. Yes, she certainly was cruel beyond words to blame you for your Mom's death. **SIGH**

    But if your intent is forgiveness, then think about it awhile. Figure out what is the best way to tackle that. My first step, though, would be writing and getting my feelings out and then crumpling that paper. It is healing.

    Blessings and you'll figure out how to handle it, whatever your decision is.

    2326 days ago
  • RDEE22
    Great to have you back. emoticon
    2326 days ago
    2326 days ago
    Sorry to hear about your Aunt, God will handle what needs doing, its our work to handle our emotions, grief on earth! Trusting in God~
    2326 days ago
    2326 days ago
    I pray that you come to peace with what to do or not do. I don't have a clue what would be a good plan for the relationships. Taking care of you will always be an excellent plan. I look forward to reading what you write.
    2326 days ago
    AWESOME, thank you for sharing!
    2326 days ago
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