I remember when...
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
I remember being at a real low. Not feeling like doing anything, not wanting to go anywhere, talking to anyone or seeing anybody. I remember living in WISHES but not doing anything to make them come true. I remember pretty well closing all of the blinds and living in the confines of my home, doing the same things day in and day out. Eat, drink and be Dreary!
I would replay over and over and over again, the bad things that had happened several years before and leading up to the day I found SP.
I shared this before, but there she was...GRANJERRY! , smiling at me from her SPARK PAGE! I can't recall how it was her page I landed on, but I am forever grateful for that moment in time. Instantly I reached out to her, said I needed to be friends with her, that she spoke volumes to me just from her smile and her eyes. That beautiful smile, those beautiful eyes. She has adopted me as one of her many grandchildren and I have adopted her as my grandmother. A match made in heaven. I love you Granjerry and I owe you a letter lol!
Then I met Buttonpopper and we are the best of friends, even if it is virtual, in our hearts it is real, Twesten1 and Sparky, my very first group of friends that I now consider forever friends. Twesten and I even met in person and she is beautiful inside and out! I have connected with so many other people since then and I have had nothing but great experiences. Meeting BEAN , ARKAIOS and OVERACTIVELBOW, amazing. We connect! We care and we share and we respect one another so very much.Tthere are so many others but these ladies are my constants. We touch base all of the time, not just when we blog or lose a pound.
I remember being invited onto my very first team (GREY WOLVES) and getting immediate support and encouragement from Trooper, when I wanted to quit she reminded me of the fact that I was worth the effort and that my accomplishments were great no matter how big or small. She made me feel important in some strange way. Like I mattered, what I did and what I shared mattered. I was going to quit, and she turns around and asks me to reconsider. I did!
I chose the slow road, I chose everything in moderation as in my heart of hearts, I feel that is the only way to go for me. No fights and inner turmoil, just gradual changes in my lifestyle that are bringing me to inner peace, self confidence and self love. I am happier than I have been for a very long time. I think it is because I did not put the pressure on, I did not compare myself to others, as I often have in the past. Their program, is just that, their program. Some of my friends have done amazing and the physical changes phenomenal. I am happy for them, excited for them but in no way jealous of them. They have worked hard, they did what they needed for them. ARKAIOS (Karen) I love you and you impress the socks off of me! I adore you! I can list so many names but I would like to move on. So to all my other friends...you are awesome and I am grateful to have shared this journey with you.
Because of all of these things, and I know you don't start sentences with because..hahaha. Because of all of you and these rewards I am in the world of the LIVING. I am living proof it is not all about the weight but losing it (25 pounds) has contributed to my acceptance of me. I admit, it is an important factor in my happiness but to my surprise it was not the most important. The most important factor for my happiness is TO BE IN TOUCH! I shun the world, to my detriment. I punished myself for things I did not do but took on the burden of owning them. WHY? Who knows, but I remember when that was a truth. I didn't plan it, I didn't think it, I just did it. I owned other peoples stuff. I now know, I need to deal with my stuff, I need to take responsibility for my life and make changes for me, to me, not anybody else.
I saw myself in the mirror today, but I saw something new. Or at least something that seemed to have vanished which I chalked up to aging. It was life in my eyes, a glow in my skin, a softness of my overall facial expression. Sounds conceited I know, but I'm not. I just liked what I saw and I like how I feel and I like the energy I have, the drive I have once again, the excitement of wondering what lies ahead as I pack up those boxes and say good-bye to this life as I knew it and hello to going forward with my new life in London Ontario. My husband and I are rediscovering all of the reasons we love being together, perhaps because I am letting him in again, perhaps because I know I am lovable and that it is me that he wants to spend his life with.
SP has been the best medicine for my soul and I want to say thank you to all of my friends here. I want to tell you that this journey is worth it and that sharing it with you is awesome! I love celebrating your victories and being there when you feel you need support, just as you so graciously have been there for me. Thank you! Muwahhhhhhh