A good stop-and-pause moment on the journey
Wednesday, July 08, 2015
I joined the Half-Size Me Community in late January, and I've been listening to 130+hours of archived meetings, 6+hours of a binge course, and over 175 podcasts about loving my body now, thanking myself for healthy habits, feeling gratitude for the journey instead of resistance, implementing small and sustainable changes that I can do for the rest of my life, and generally being with a few hundred other people who have the same "crazy" thoughts I do, which is so comforting. It's been such a safe place to vent, get ideas, and get perspective, and it goes along beautifully with Sparkpeople. I love my two families!
I took a break from the scale in January and through listening to HSM, I realized that I'd probably damaged my metabolism after trying to eat lower and lower calories and work out more and more after two years. I've gained weight, but hopefully, it's repaired my metabolism. Right now, I'm back to Wednesday weigh-ins and Saturday Scans. I go to the local supplement shop and get a full-body scan, which tells me my Basal Metabolic Rate, muscle mass, body fat percentage, and skeletal/water mass, which is very helpful for me. I was trying to eat 1600-1800, but my basal is 1500, so I was actually literally starving my body. I can't use sp's formula, because it's too low for me.
The scale is at 161.5, so I've regained 27ish lbs. of my original 80ish, but it's ok. I don't know if I can get back down there and sustain it, so I've set a body fat goal and the scale number is going to be whatever it is. I have had to buy bigger clothes, but I'm not panicking because I this is what I had to do in my journey at this time. My new goal is 20-25% body fat, and right now I'm at 29%, which is healthy.
I'm currently healthy, lifting really strong in the gym, and have an entire closet of clothes I may or may not ever be able to wear again, but I've solved the "hunger binges" I would have from restriction. I'm still working on emotional eating triggered by my family. I'm journaling, which is helping more than I ever thought. My next challenge is social eating, but it was helpful to understand that I have three "types" of binges.
October will be my three-year anniversary of keeping off 50 lbs. (I haven't ever crossed back into the original 50 in my gain, and I feel like that's important somehow) and the one-year anniversary of my divorce finalizing. Overall, I've made HUGE strides mentally since last year at this time. My body isn't where I want, but my head is getting right, so my body will follow. I haven't been quite as active on Spark, but I am still feeling so much love and support from both.