IAMBIZI
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I am a binge drinker....sigh

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Drank 9 beers yesterday starting at 1;30pm before my hair appointment then stopped by whole foods for a quick beer there before heading home to cook tacos for hubby before he left for his gig, he plays jazz guitar for the big band here called the Sky liners. He looks good in a tux!
Then proceeded to drink the rest over the next 6 hours while being on line in a chat room for a lot of that time. The SMART recovery chat room. A place for people who want to stop their addictions. So was hypocritical being there contributing while slowly getting drunk.
sigh
today is a new day. My binging is getting out of control. I am getting out of control. I really need to quit drinking. I will have to lie to my psych doc again which I hate doing. My weight is up so that is not good. But I know that I can bring it back down if I want to, have done so many times before. Yo yoing is hard on this body. I am working today seeing 2 clients.
I need to get going, woke up at 1130 and am still in my jammies.
I feel fine this morning.
I took 1 mg of klonipion last nite and 100mg of benadryl so that I knew that I would sleep.
There are 2 beers left in the house. I am not going to drink today.

My husband drinks and buys me my favorite beer. I need to ask him to not do that. Drinking seems to be the most obvious common interest that we share...need to live life and have fun with out alcohol.
My life is boring and drinking is something to do.
I have no life.
I will stop drinking until my new york trip with my folks. I should stay dry until my florida trip with hubby middle of August...that is always a drinking weekend, where we drink bush whackers and hang out at the tiki hut bar right next to our room overlooking the water. Pensicola beach. WE eat and drink and have fun, walk on the beach at night. Looking forward to this.
A friend of ours daughter is in new york with her girl friends having a wonderful time on the high school graduation trip for 2 weeks. She saw phantom of the opera last night. She loved it!!!! We have seats up close so I am excited to see the show. New york will be fabulous!
bizi
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TREADGENTLY
    It's a game of Russian Roulette, Bizi.
    Binge drinking ( imho) is a death wish. Especially when one gets behind a wheel.
    I feel for you, dear. You have received some very good feedback on your honest appeal for help. I do think that you can't do this alone. And though we, your cyber friends, may be of help, I think you need a warm body to learn on, and cry your eyes out on their shoulder.
    We are alone
    We are sad.
    And, we will all die. But, hopefully, not today!
    AA has helped many.
    I am considering it for myself - though 5 beers in a day has been my max (and I'm not proud)..
    maureen emoticon

    2187 days ago
  • MELISSIMAUS
    I admire you being so honest. I hope that you will come back and re-read this blog and think about it. I know that struggle with moderation and with letting alcohol control us.

    I think that making a promise to yourself to never drink and drive is a great place to start with moderation. One day at a time, one step at a time, but that one can save a life—maybe even yours (or keep you from losing your license!). Have a plan for what to do if you find that you are drinking and need to get home. Keep the number of a cab company or two in your phone. (Maybe even have an account with one, or get the Uber app—whatever's easiest.) You can always come back and get your car. It's not always easy to turn down alcohol, but it's easy to dial a phone number and give them your address.

    Not a lecture! Just something to think about. Moderation can mean a lot of things, not just how much you drink at one time. It can also mean thinking ahead to keep people from getting hurt.
    2188 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15145828


    I so appreciate your honesty. I just wrote a blog a few days ago about alcohol....
    I totally get that slippery slope that I didn't seem to avoid with food, which is my TRUE drug of choice.

    I am wishing you the very best.
    2189 days ago
  • _CYNDY55_
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2189 days ago
  • NKING1982
    My husband is a drinker and we always drank together. I'm still working on cutting down and It makes it harder when he isn't, and there is always alcohol in the house. I drink a lot when i am bored or by myself too. I just try to stay busy with whatever i can. I hope you find something that works for you. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Every day is a new day and a chance for better choices. I have been there over and over many times. Keep your chin up, you can do it.
    Lots of Hugs emoticon
    2189 days ago
  • PIXIE-LICIOUS
    My first husband was killed by a drunk driver, and my two sons who were under ten years old had to grow up without a father. I hope you will never drink and drive again, you are putting not only your own life at risk but the lives of others. As MARINGAL said, please look into AA.
    2190 days ago
  • REMBRY
    Sending a huge love filled hug .. Quit beating yourself up .. quit ..

    Alcohol pretends to be our best friend while slowly taking away our self esteem .. it is a fickle friend .. that makes you feel better while the relationship is on .. and like total crap after ..

    the solution ..
    take away its power ..
    you wouldn't put up with a fickle friend ..
    don't put up with booze taking control either ....
    set some boundaries .. set some booze rules ..
    no drinking alone .. ever
    or if you do ..only one before supper or bed
    when planning a social event .. have a non alcohol drink for every alcohol one .. and try to limit to 4 drink of alcohol ..
    we will bend the rules from time to time .. we are told to color outside of the lines .. but never drive dear one .. never that is a choice that could really break your heart and soul ..

    Cut yourself some slack Bizi .. pick yourself up and start anew ..
    new day .. new you ..
    you are surrounded by more help than you can ever imagine .. from the universe .. and of course this amazing team ..

    I'm sorry that you feel so alone .. I share that same feeling .. and this situation .. we are works in progress .. smile .. look in the mirror .. YOU ARE LOVED .. now greet the day and smile ...

    huge hugs
    2190 days ago
  • ANNEMARGAR
    I stopped drinking 63 days ago and it has changed my life. The difference I felt at day 30 and then at day 60 are just amazing. I too use to be bored and depressed and used alcohol to "solve" my problem. What I found is that the depression, bordom and lonliness go away when you remove alcohol from your life. I am able to plan my days, my goals - have much better forward focused thinking. All of the evenings of drinking and self-centerness are removed as well as the morning after self-centered depression and guilt. Yes, it is hard to stop drinking, but it can be done. The hardest decision is just saying no to that first drink!!
    2190 days ago
  • RKOTTEK
    You have had more consistent a better success than I have been able to achieve.
    I believe you can reduce ur intake.
    Maybe if it is a common interest, you could try low alcohol beers and also make a rule not to drink and drive.
    Looking forward to hearing ur successes again.
    emoticon emoticon
    2190 days ago
  • WOUBBIE
    My DH and I are in a similar situation. His only social life is hanging out at the "local" and talking to whoever shows up. He's started mingling NA beer in with the regulars, so it's a start. I drink nightly as well, but low alcohol beer and only after 10pm. I've been cutting back over a lonnnnnng period of time, because that's the only thing that works for me. I will say this. I've gotten to the point where I'm actually afraid of being dehydrated, let alone hungover, so that's been helping me stay the course. Other than fatigue from not getting enough sleep I'm so used to feeling good most of the time that on the rare occasions that I go over my limit - by even one beer - make me resolve not to do it again!

    Keep trying to figure out what works for you, and try not to feel guilty when you have to start over. This isn't easy, and everyone's road is different.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2190 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/26/2015 7:39:44 PM
  • LETSGOPLAY
    Phantom of the opera sounds really great. I always wanted to see that and hope to some day.
    You seem to have a very complicated relationship with alcohol. emoticon
    2190 days ago
  • MARINGAL
    The first step is admitting you are an alcoholic and making terrible choices. First one, driving after drinking!!!! Soooo, do you want to kill someone? Secondly, you are focused on alcohol and obviously cannot control it once you start drinking. Just because you stopped a few days or weeks doesn't make you not an alcoholic. Once you take the first sip, away you go until you are so drunk you can't go on. I've been in recovery for 17 years and I know what you are going through. Please seek Alcoholic Anonymous. Do yourself, your family and friends a favor. And most likely in the future, you will need Al-anon because you are affected also by your husband's drinking too. This is a very sad situation.
    2190 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13431327
    Boredom is the worst! It makes up do a lot of things we don't want to do. I can drink one beer and then I get a headache so beer isn't a problem for me. My downfall is ice cream. Any flavor, doesn't matter. If I have it in the house I'm going to eat it so I try not to buy it which sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. Maybe you can try it with the beer. Is there a substitute you can have? Non Alcoholic beer? Doesn't taste as good I'm sure but to break a habit sometimes we have to sacrifice. My Aunt was a huge beer drinker and she died at 41 of a bad liver. I'm not saying this to you to judge or to scare you but alcohol does damage your body if you use it in excess. I don't know how old you are but let me tell you, the older you get the less you can and want to drink. It's hell getting old but there are some positives! Good luck to you, think positive and stay strong. You CAN do it.
    2190 days ago
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