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Am I Waiting For My Life to Begin?

Monday, August 17, 2015

Happy Monday emoticon ,

I used to tell myself, “When I graduate high school, when I get a job, when I save a little bit, when I get married, when, when when! My life will begin." “When I graduated high school, it was on to college and I got my first job, then life really happened and got in the was of my life starting.”

When I imagined a real life, it was the American dream with the house, the car, the perfect job and the husband to make it al better. The marriage was great and after 13 years, it ended, life had started, Was I deeply satisfied and eternally calm.......no as life was beginning again! I have the degree, a successful career and a single status that I'm happy with. But I'm still caught in bouts of self-doubt, anxiety and a scarcity mentality

Since I have achieved so much of what I set out to accomplish, I've lost both parents and felt like an orphan however, God has sustained me. Having a few goals come and gone, does not make for a fantasy life. Right now, at this moment is when my life begins yet again. I have the car, the house, a job that satisfies me, single and happy. I have lost and gained the weight however, whatever and wherever I wanna be is up to me. This is my real life, and it is a mix of pleasure and pain. I embrace the gift of no longer waiting for the perfect me. Instead, I appreciate the one that is mine in all its complexity and imperfection.

Today, I've decided to being my life again, take more risks, reach out and help someone as I pass along, stop to smell the roses and visit places I've never dreamed was even on the map. As my friend says, I'm working on my life list, not a buckle list. There is no pity party here, as we are what ever we say we are. I have made eating healthy and exercising a way of life and have been disappointed as I visit my doctor's office and the weight is the same, which isn't a bad thing as it says, I'm not gaining. I've incorporated strenght training and kick boxing, building muscle and my doctors are as surprised that I don't have a lot of aches and pains, nor taking meds as many my age are.

I journal my fitness and eating just as Sparks suggest and recommend and it makes a world of difference as it makes you really aware of what's going in and you know why, we all do. My plan is to plug in everyday, track what I need to track and see the results over a week, a month or a year, then, adjust where and when needed. You really know where your improvements are or need to be. It's an every day , lifestyle change effort......well for me.

emoticon as I being my l ife, yet again!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • YUKIJANE
    Well said.

    We all are the travelers of time and place. We aim for something once, get it or not get it, but the next thing comes.

    I am glad for you saying that you are now accepting yourself that is imperfect and complex. I am doing the same with you, because God loves us the way we are-imperfect and complex. I am happy to know that God accept us even if we are failures and losers. We don't have to be successful materialistically, we just need to be able to say "yes" to our inner selves for what we have achieved in our souls.

    Keep on working out. I am following suit with you.


    2074 days ago
  • RUSTICMOM
    Very well said. emoticon emoticon
    2110 days ago
  • LANEYTHEGIRL
    I remember being like this in my 20s. I used to think "I'll be happy once (insert thing here) happens." Those things would come to pass and I still wasn't happy. I was really depressed in my early 30s because I felt like my life had no meaning. Then I realized the problem was I wasn't living in the moment. I was not enjoying my life for what it was, good and bad, in that exact moment.

    I no longer say "I'll be happy once..." Now I live in the moment and embrace it with all its goodness and ugliness. I'm so much happier and feel depressed way less often.
    2129 days ago
  • TTLEELEE
    emoticon emoticon and all the emoticon
    Make it happen! emoticon
    2129 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13516725
    I love your blog, and I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your parents.
    An end to a marriage that lasted so long.

    You know that each one of those is a big life changing moment. I hope that you have really allowed yourself the time to grieve, and get over the routine of being in that marriage.

    I'm very proud of you for the last half of your blog. If you really want to lose weight, and live a healthier life, you can. Being happy with yourself is also a good thing. Both gives you the power to be what you want to be. If you want to lose weight, it takes some planning, but you can do it. In the meantime, enjoy your life....


    2130 days ago
  • USMAWIFE
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    2131 days ago
  • FRANCES-AGAPE

    emoticon BLOG

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    Have a Terrific Tuesday

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    LOVE, PEACE and BLESSINGS !

    2133 days ago
  • no profile photo BLESSEDPHYLLIS
    well said!
    2134 days ago
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