I used to tell myself, “When I graduate high school, when I get a job, when I save a little bit, when I get married, when, when when! My life will begin." “When I graduated high school, it was on to college and I got my first job, then life really happened and got in the was of my life starting.”
When I imagined a real life, it was the American dream with the house, the car, the perfect job and the husband to make it al better. The marriage was great and after 13 years, it ended, life had started, Was I deeply satisfied and eternally calm.......no as life was beginning again! I have the degree, a successful career and a single status that I'm happy with. But I'm still caught in bouts of self-doubt, anxiety and a scarcity mentality
Since I have achieved so much of what I set out to accomplish, I've lost both parents and felt like an orphan however, God has sustained me. Having a few goals come and gone, does not make for a fantasy life. Right now, at this moment is when my life begins yet again. I have the car, the house, a job that satisfies me, single and happy. I have lost and gained the weight however, whatever and wherever I wanna be is up to me. This is my real life, and it is a mix of pleasure and pain. I embrace the gift of no longer waiting for the perfect me. Instead, I appreciate the one that is mine in all its complexity and imperfection.
Today, I've decided to being my life again, take more risks, reach out and help someone as I pass along, stop to smell the roses and visit places I've never dreamed was even on the map. As my friend says, I'm working on my life list, not a buckle list. There is no pity party here, as we are what ever we say we are. I have made eating healthy and exercising a way of life and have been disappointed as I visit my doctor's office and the weight is the same, which isn't a bad thing as it says, I'm not gaining. I've incorporated strenght training and kick boxing, building muscle and my doctors are as surprised that I don't have a lot of aches and pains, nor taking meds as many my age are.
I journal my fitness and eating just as Sparks suggest and recommend and it makes a world of difference as it makes you really aware of what's going in and you know why, we all do. My plan is to plug in everyday, track what I need to track and see the results over a week, a month or a year, then, adjust where and when needed. You really know where your improvements are or need to be. It's an every day , lifestyle change effort......well for me.
as I being my l ife, yet again!