A year of Chemical Free has worked wonders for Me!! A total of 72 pounds shed off like old snake skin, the winter blues are not so blue this year! I can breath after running up a flight of stairs. (I can RUN up a flight of stairs) Energy at an level 8 out of 10, Sleep beautiful, Health up to a 9. I have surpassed my "skinny jeans" my little secret box of if only I could fit into these jeans and shirts, I will be happy!! Non of this just happened I created it all, I created the before, I created the after, I created all of it!
I thought for a moment this silly little box that I have toted around for 10 plus YEARS!! The box that many times I thought just toss it give it up, I just couldn't let go of my dream box, there will be a day I can get into these jeans. I vowed that would make me happy!! Whenever I could fit into these jeans, just get them up past my knees, without jumping, wiggling and laying down squeezing like a tight sausage casing....
So today I decided lets give it a go, pulled out the dream box, pulled out the skinny jeans, 1 leg at a time I pulled them up, they slid right past my knees, past my thighs, over my hips, around my waist a zip and a snap put them on and to my surprise they are now to big!! Then tears of joy & sadness filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks,YES! I knew it, IF I NEVER GIVE UP it WILL HAPPEN!!
That is when the tears of sadness started, the old tapes started playing how come it took so long? Look how much farther you have to go! Look how saggy my skin is? How flabby and loose my tummy is? How old my face looks now? As I continued ripping myself I looked in the mirror and said! STOP IT!! JUST SHUT UP!! IT'S OVER!! NO MORE!! I have just accomplished one of my life goals how dare I stand there and try to minimize, degrade and self sabotage my success! I caught myself right in the act of self abuse!
I no longer choose to abuse myself to allow my OLD 45's, 33's, 78's, Records, 8-tracks, tapes,CD's, Mp3s etc... to continue playing a self pity party solo in my head! My new choice is to turn it off and play new tapes of how wonderful I am!! :) Sounds silly but I know I would NEVER treat a friend with the unkindness I caught myself doing to ME! NEVER EVER treat another person on this earth the way I have treated ME!
This type of self abuse is no longer allowed by me! I have now made a clear choice to yell out loud "STOP IT" Don't Listen to the Lies! Sounds a bit crazy, but I have been so mean to me, that dang it I deserve a break! I never even realized how much I was doing it until that moment in my dream jeans!
I do not even know how long I have been self abusing myself, when is started or why, but today I caught it and realized it is not ok, it is wrong!! I have come to a clear cut choice IT STOPS NOW! I deserve to love myself no matter where I am in my life or what size I am or how much I weigh or what size jean I wear! I am a beautiful person right here, right now, back then and tomorrow!!
I have been MY ONLY ENEMY a struggle within myself that I did not even see in me. I was so busy listing to my inner critics I believed them. I do not even know who they are? Maybe I created them from all the negative I heard through the years, maybe I created the negative tapes to continue condemning me every time I have a success, I found a way to diminish it and belittle myself. Maybe from the younger years, siblings, parents, grandparents, strangers, friends, enemies, teasing in school by innocent youths and not so innocent youths.
I have decided that I deserve to treat myself with the kindness, love and respect I give to others and will continue my healthy clean chemical free life style, hopefully shed a few more pounds and soon post my before and after pictures!
So cheers to you my sparkling friends may you find the happiness in your life's journey too!
Keep on Keepin' on.