Long time no blog my Sparkie friends. It seems like there used to be a lot more blogs to read on Spark every day and I miss that. But then I haven't done my part to remedy that in any way, so who am I to complain? I don't exactly know what it is about blogs, reading them and writing them, but it is a very helpful tool on this journey to health. And my lack of them might partly explain where I am currently.
So where am I at right now? I have officially hit bottom folks. It's ugly, really ugly as a matter of fact. I successfully lost about 7 pounds in December with the goal that I would have some cushion heading into the week of Christmas so I didn't have to stress over every bite, and I wouldn't risk hitting a new all-time high weight. It all worked great, until I failed to throw out the lingering after Christmas leftovers that quickly turned themselves into evil little carb temptations... and I failed miserably at resisting them. Long story short, even though I did okay through Christmas, I had totally blown it by New Years. And now, a month later, I am bumping up against 236.5. I have blown past my previous all-time high of 229... AND I AM MISERABLE!!! None of my clothes fit very well (including my "bigger" clothes that were always a little too big) and I feel so out of shape and out of energy and just plain sickly. I am tall so you might not completely guess my real weight, but I am now the same weight as some of the Biggest Loser competitors when they start. How sad is that? Yeah, I am pretty down on myself. I feel self conscience everywhere. I have to force myself to walk outside because I feel so huge. For the first time in my life, I honestly feel like I am starting to feel restricted by my weight gain. And this past week especially, it was like my weight was out to get me. Every single day, except one, the scale went up. Maybe that was because I ended up eating out several times last week and didn't track as a result? I don't know. My stomach was pretty upset for part of the week too.
And as I have been watching the scale slide ever higher this week, I have started to think about where I am really at. I have put on about 37 pounds since I started my current job. I am now 76 pounds over my goal weight. I am also 91 pounds higher than my lowest weight in high school. I don't think I have ever really taken a serious look at these numbers before.... and it scares me! I don't want this to continue in any way. My current state has got to be so bad for my health! No wonder I feel sickly and tired.
So there you have it. The truth. The ugly truth of where I am right now. I am tempted to get even more depressed than I already have been, but I know that will only make things worse. So I am rallying my deepest determination and starting over. Today. This week. It's time to take control and stop doing this to myself. It's time to take action. And I know it is going to have to be a very serious plan because this whole time I have been working out some and trying to eat healthy. Not focused of course, but I haven't been idle either. And maybe that makes it even harder for me. My boss’s wife lost a bunch of weight by just adding Zumba to her schedule twice a week. Just twice a week. No real changes in eating either. Yep. I am a little bitter when I hear stories like that because I work out at least that much and here I am. And I really don't eat that much food. Over what I should, most definitely yes, but not like the people who eat a whole bag of chips in one sitting or half a cake. I'm bitter people! I need a better metabolism or something.
But enough of the pity party. It's plan time. It's action time. It's time for Kat to take back her life in so many ways.
In many ways I am still very depressed after last summer. I just can't seem to get past the anger and bitterness that came to a head over the wedding. I need to come up with a solution for that, but I don't know exactly what that is right now, but I do know I don't like the bitter angry person that I am becoming. So I am going to start by very simply coming up with a plan for getting rid of this excess physical weight. Start by taking steps every day to take care of me! And hopefully the rest will come.
So here is my plan. It is similar to plans I have had in the past. I just have to stick with it and not give up on myself.
~Blog weekly - I need the accountability!
~Track food 90% of the time - including weekends
~Focus on a healthy, high protein, high freggie diet
~500 fitness minutes a week with good variety including cardio and ST
~1 mile a day! Run at least one mile per day, every day.
~7000 steps per day. I know it should be 10,000, but 7,000 is still a big improvement for me and it is a first goal.
~Add in some fun fitness activities as able. Things like snowshoeing, hiking, races and even meeting up with friend to go walking so I am not working out alone.
~Happiness journal - 3 things to be grateful for every week
It's time for me to make this happen! I have been sort of at this journey for far too long, while ever increasing my waist line. Sadly, it is really hurting no one but myself and this is not how I want to live for the rest of my life.
Running in the snow!
My super dark chocolate creation for Amanda's 21st birthday
Snuggling with the grandpuppy!