Upon my return to Spark, I reached out to many friends and came to a revelation. Spark is such a big part of the happiness I have found, and yet I somehow let spark slip away.
I joined Spark in May 2009, a time when I was at my lowest point both mentally and physically. I had left my marriage in November 2008 and moved into my own home. Questions and uncertainties filled my days. Did I do the right thing for me, for my boys, for my family, etc.?
Sometime during 2012 I was finally feeling better about myself, in large part to my Spark family. I was eating healthier, exercising daily and made the decision to try dating again. Being someone who does not frequent liquor establishments (pretty much what most singles in this area do), working with people who were married or in relationships, and with most of my friends married, I decided the internet was my best option.
Internet dating is a pretty crazy world. A world, I quickly learned, was full of men wanting one night stands, a mistress, and a perfect body, even those who were in worse shape than me. My newly-found, and still fragile, self-esteem took a beating, I was targeted by those attempting to extort money (I thankfully, quickly learned to spot them and learned that often-times women posed as men because they know what other women want to hear), had my heart broken and was ready to give up in April 2013. I was on a couple free sites and had paid for a one-month trial with Match.com. The month was up and I was not going to renew. An email from Match, offering a 25% discount for another month, changed my mind. Within two days I received a message from Mike. We hit it off right away talking for hours on the phone, emailing and texting throughout the day. Ten days after the first message we met for coffee. Thirteen hours later, we said goodnight. A week later we both canceled our Match subscriptions, and have been together since. I have found the love of my life, and I fall more in love as time goes by.
With my new-found happiness, my Sparking time began to lessen. I did not plan it that way. I wanted to keep in contact with all who supported me, to encourage those who were in the same place I had been only a few years back, and continue the healthier lifestyle I had been living. Being away from Spark so much, my old unhealthy habits crept back in. I was not eating what is good for me, stopped exercising, and the weight I had lost came back. Mike has proven that he loves me no matter what size I am. This is both good and bad for me. Good that I know it is me he loves, not what I look like; bad because it made it easier to slip into old routines. What he wants is for me to be happy with me.
So my revelation is that I need Spark and my friends here. I need support and also to be able to support others in the same boat as me. I know I can back on track because I have done it before. I can not let yesterday define today.
I am so thankful for those who continued to contact me after I went AWOL, am sorry that I was not here to support and encourage my friends, and have recommitted myself to my goal of a fit body and healthy lifestyle. I have so much to live for.