The new normal.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

To say my life isn't completely different..would be a lie. Everything is different.
I am trying to find a new normal.
The last few months have been hell, and are getting worse with time. There is much more to my husbands diagnoses then "you are going to die, eventually". His symptoms are many, and hard for him and I to manage. Many symptoms are mental, and causing him to do/say things that are not okay in any relationship. Holding on and fighting for our marriage is my only hope at this point. And trying to find the right medication for him for those symptoms.
Im trying to set my feelings aside and remember that he is sick and losing his mind. It is hard to do when I still see my handsome, strong husband standing in front of me.
We are going to put our home up for sell this week or next... just cleaning and getting things ready.
I am nervous to move across the US and start all over. Especially because he will no longer have a job and has always been the bread winner.
Anyway, like I say, every thing is changing.
I have actually started working out again, which is shocking. Motivation came out of no where and I am not sure what has changed. I just, cant die. I can't let myself fall apart. I have 4 boys and a husband who need me.
But its not only that, I want to feel beautiful. I haven't in a long time and Im sick of being on the back burner... I guess because I know I will be on the back burner for the rest of my life... and that being fit will be harder when my husband needs more care, and possibly my children (they all have 50% of inheriting his disease/huntingtons disease).

So I ran 5 miles already this week and have done some strength training and hoping to hit the gym again today.
Anyway, thanks for listening emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I believe in you! Praying for your family! Hugs, Jan
    1846 days ago
  • KAREN608
    So heart breaking to read, but it makes me care, and pray. And glad you are taking care of yourself for the future. May all your children be on the good side of that 50 percent.
    1857 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15728679
    Praying for you for the strength to do the for worse part of the marriage vow. It is hard to watch folk you love lose the who they were and their change none of it their fault impacting on the who you are having to be whether you would want to or not. Are the children old enough to help you? How long have you been married?
    1858 days ago
    So glad to hear you've found yourself again. Take care of yourself--you must to be strong and ready to offer care for your husband and your sons.
    You've been in my prayers and will continue to be. My heart hurts for you.
    1858 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon I can't imagine how hard focusing on eating right and exercising is in the midst of everything so emoticon on being so strong!! Your whole family is still in my prayers. emoticon emoticon
    1860 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/11/2016 10:10:13 PM
    Glad to hear you are doing all you can to take care of yourself! Praying the sale of your house goes smoothly. Thanks for keeping us posted here. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1860 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13370898
    I'm so very sorry to hear of your husband's diagnosis. I can't imagine how hard that has to be, for both of you. I have no words of wisdom but I will be thinking of you and willing you the strength to face each day!

    1860 days ago
    1860 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13423552
    You are strong and that will certainly be tested in the future. I'm glad you got a run in and are working out. That can be a great outlet for stress too - certainly better than stress eating. Great visual at the top, I have certainly heard of Huntington's Disease and the show "House" highlighted it a few years ago, but I have never seen it spelled out in those terms. Thinking of you.
    1860 days ago
  • MEGAN343
    You are one strong lady! Take care of yourself!
    1860 days ago
    I agree that you need to take good care of yourself. I assume your husband will qualify for some kind of disability which should help. I hope you get plenty of support.
    1860 days ago
    Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. Great job fitting in some time for self care. Hopefully your move will bring you closer to your support system.
    1860 days ago
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