Month 3 of getting back on track is going well! When I write those words, it seems unbelievable. If I tell you where I was just 3 short months ago, in bed, barely moving, depressed, eating to comfort myself and getting more depressed because of it, feeling helpless to turn my life around....
And now more than halfway into month three, I am walking more than 10,000 steps a day. Highest day was 18,000 thanks to a week long fitbit challenge from my granddaughters. They won of course, but are 13 years old and run on the track team. But boy did they get me motivated!
I am still sticking to my healthy eating plan and using my veggie/fruit bento box each day for snacking. Have navigated successfully Mother's Day and my DH's birthday without pigging out or feeling deprived. That was an important milestone for me as I have always used celebrations as an excuse to overeat and to be able to celebrate without doing that and still enjoy the days, well it was an eye opener.
My emotions and motivation go up and down but I'm getting used to those feelings and can tolerate them. There are days that I want to escape to my isolating eating self but have been able to get through them without using food as a comforting companion.
I have a few visual tools that help and motivate. One is using 2 jars of marbles, one filled with marbles representing all the weight I want to lose and then each time I lose 1 kilo, I transfer a marble to the other jar. Still remember when it was empty, but now it contains 18 marbles! I also put a large marble in for every 5 kilos lost.
Also have a beautiful wall calendar where I put a star for every day that I walk at least 10,000 steps. This month every day has a star so far! In January and February there was only one star each month. March and April showed a steady increase and I intend to get May filled with 31 stars!
For some reason these concrete visuals really help me. Possible because I have so much weight to lose that it doesn't show yet as much as I would like. Clothes are definitely looser but am not going down majorly in sizes yet. It will come. Patience....
My back and knees and feet still bother me, but I am able to deal with it by combining walking and resting. That was a mistake I made last time, which set me back with a knee injury so am very careful now not to push too much and take rests.
Yesterday we went to the city and our usual parking garage was full so we had to walk many blocks from the other parking garage to get to the movies. That would not have even been a possibility 2 months ago, even a month ago it would have been difficult and I would have had to find benches along the way to rest. As we were running late, we had to walk at a very fast pace to get there on time and I did it without thinking. Then we get to the theatre, one we had never been to before and I kid you not, our movie hall was on the top floor and we had to walk up 3 flights of steep steps to get there! I hate steps as they hurt my knees and are just difficult because of the weight. But tickets were bought and no one was keeping me from seeing George Clooney :) So up the stairs we went and I made it with only one brief stop to catch my breath.
I think the most important factor for me so far is being able to do these things that a healthy normal weight person takes for granted. I allowed myself to fall back and regain the weight and I allowed myself to stay in that dark place for almost 2 years! Two years! Sometimes I hate myself for falling back and failing, but then I realize that it is those feelings of self loathing that can make me spiral back and god knows, I don't want that to happen.
So, it's moving forward and don't look back time! The only thing I use my past for is to learn from previous mistakes and that has helped me to navigate the challenges that arise for anyone trying to lose a lot of weight.
So today, May 17, 2016, I am healthier, happier and more determined than ever to become a smaller, more active and stronger version of myself.
Thanks for listening!