Since last June I have been working on myself....and pretty much by myself. To be honest, I needed that time. I did. I had gained so much weight after the passing of a good friend. My grief and guilt overwhelmed me. I become slightly distant from others for I was afraid. SO....I gained. Then in June, I started small and actually by accident. A new three month journal was about to be started. I looked at it for the longest time and promised myself that I would actually use it for the day other than breakfast and a few lunches. My intent was always there each day, but by evening's end I too ended.....and so was my tracking and caring.
Since June of 2015....I have lost 26 pounds. That isn't a stellar performance, but the amount has added up. A good friend joined wws in February of 2016. She thanks me for being there for her. Truth be known, my friend Pamela was there for me more so.
In time...I have learned about myself. I understand...know.....and am slowly changing myself into being the person I wish to be. It has not been easy and it is a learning process. I understand healthy eating...portion control...etc. I just had to work on me and my downfalls and how to combat and slowly change my habits and routines.
I haven't been on a sparks team since Alice's passing. I tried, but, I wasn't ready. Yes...I have a friend's team for chatting, but not....a challenge team for improving one's self.
Recently, friend Sharon sent me an invitation to rejoin her group. I didn't respond right away. Was I ready? Would I let the team down? Wasn't worried so much as me the person, but I wanted to be a good teammate and friend. I was conflicted. Was I ready? Could I do this? Solitude is a safe place. My safe place.
and in stages, I started preparing to be .......apart of a group. I talked at lengths with good friend Heather. She never let me go when I became distant. She is rather a persistent pesky friend....and for me....how lucky I am to have her!
Sometimes...change is good. I decided to go ....100% into this.
It started today. Before pics were optional. I have never done before pics. Why,....I have never done any pics...not even on FB.
I did before pics.
I also....changed my wws week ....to...Saturday to Friday. I have never done that for a group EVER. I have always used whatever my weigh in was at wws. Didn't care if I was a week ahead or a week behind in the group...I wasn't changing my weigh in day or week.
I changed it today.
I am okay with that. I waited to the last day to change it on etools...but I did it. I weighed in...and I took measurements. ....which I may add...never have done before either.
I am okay with that.
I lost a friend...and I lost myself.
and now....I am ready.....truly ...ready to go forward.
It is funny......I am not afraid. I thought I would be...thought I would have regrets...but...I don't. I want to be with old friends and make new ones.
In all this time I have learned about myself and have made progress to change. It has been a slow process. Now...I am actually smiling with the realization that I will get to goal....and actually STAY there ...and be with ppl once again. The scale should move a little quicker as my heart sings a happier beat
I love Summer. I do. I love the pool...the gardens...the fresh produce....being outside.
I ...value life.....and ......good friends that never gave up on me even though...I gave up on myself.
and I am ....
I may not be the same....but.....that is good too.