What made you decide to lose weight?
Thursday, October 05, 2017
That was a question posted on one of my spark teams. Made me really think about it because I have been asked that question plenty of times before. In the past my answers would have been along the lines of. I want to be confident. Really? Why do I need to lose weight to be confident. Does being a size 2 come with a dose of confidence. I want guys to think I'm beautiful. Whaaat? Why do I need some guy to validate my beauty? Funny thing is this. When guys do comment and tell me they think I'm pretty or beautiful my automatic response is not "Thank you" followed by a blushing giggle. Nope not at all. Do you want to know what it is? Well even if you don't I'm going to tell you. it's this line right here. "No i am not I am FAT" It's like somehow FAT is this Troll like mask I wear and who I am is just this thing called fat. When did fat become associated with being ugly. I mean when you see a chubby baby you don't look at it and say. "EWW what a fat baby you should put it on a diet" fat/chubby babies are adorable. You're more likely to say. "AWWW what a cute little baby. Look at those chubby cheeks i just want to pinch them. Look at these chubby little legs. I just want to eat them up yum yum yum" Ah ok right back to "What made me decide to lose weight" Well this time anyway. I am being honest here so here goes.
1. These extra 50 to 70 lbs i have been carrying around on my 5 Foot body for years has finally taken a toll. I take medication for diabetes, pills for my liver, cholesterol, and chronic headaches. Ok sure I don't know why I have those headaches and hopefully I will be able to determine the cause once I see a neurologist. I just think that my body has decided to say. Enough is enough Woman time to show you that this is serious sh"t and you need to do something about it.
2. I get winded climbing up the stairs. I struggle with jogging or running more than 5 minutes, Tying my shoes is a freaking pain, my body feels like it's filled with lead sometimes. My back hurts when I have been standing for too long or when I have to climb up hills. I struggle when I have to climb a hill.
3. My dating life has suffered. I'm 40 and the longest a relationship has lasted is a mere 6 months. I sabotage any promising relationship because I am constantly asking the guy "Why do you want to be with me I am so fat"? "EWW no way you can't see me naked you'll be traumatized" Yeah this sh*t gets old. No one wants to keep telling you they think you're beautiful just the way you are and then have it thrown back in their face with a "Yeah ok you're just saying that because you want to get in my pants, I am not beautiful I am fat"
3. I lack confidence. Ok like I said. Confidence doesn't come with a size two. Like a small little pill that magically appears on your pillow every morning that you take and then Poof. You're showered with tons of confidence and you go about your day feeling like you could take on the world. Confidence comes from with in. From feeling good on the inside. From liking your body. Right now I don't like my body. I know beauty is skin deep yada yada. Lets get real here. When you look in the mirror your first instinct isn't to say. "Wow look at all that fat hanging on your body sure it's not attractive, but you sure are beautiful on the inside and that's all that matters wink wink"
4. Ah the final reason. Because I am TIRED. I am tired of carrying all of these extra lbs. I am tired of joking about being pregnant with a food baby. I am tired of feeling depressed when I try on clothes in a store or I see myself in a picture. I am tired of down playing compliments, I am tired of associating fat with being ugly, I am tired of saying. "That's it. This is the time I'm really going to lose weight" only to gain weight instead of losing. I am tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I am tired of not letting a guy think I am beautiful. I am tired of shopping in the big girl section. I am tired of reading other peoples success stories and wishing it was me. I am just tired of being fat.