BOVEY63

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How do I get back up on the track and learn to like myself?

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

I wish I could figure out why I can’t seem to get back on track with healthy eating and exercise.

Life, overall is very good right now. I am going on five years with a man who loves me for me; and for the first time in my life, my relationship continues to grow rather than wane as time goes by. With Mike I have found that home is not a building, but rather any place we are together.

My sons are doing well. The oldest is working in his chosen field, traveling throughout the country. He would rather be closer to Minnesota, but this experience will look good on a resume when other opportunities arise. The youngest is in his second year at our local community college, where he is an honor student. He works part time, and completed two internships this past summer.

I am in my sixth year at I job I enjoy (most of the time), make a decent living, have good friends and family nearby, have overall good health, etc.

So, why then, do I continue to sabotage a healthy lifestyle? I start out good and gradually get back onto the wrong track. What is wrong with me?

There are times at work, I feel like an outsider. There are four of us in my department (including my boss), and the other three exclude me on a regular basis. Even right now, I am on a break and the three of them are in one office talking and laughing away. Some days I feel like I’m on an island all by myself and just want to walk away. Then I realize, I would never find a job that offers such a variety, how staff other departments are grateful for the help I give them, all the learning opportunities I have, and one that pays me well and has good benefits.

I constantly compare myself with other women and wonder…. Why do I have so many female relatives (on both sides of my family) that are petite and/or thin? Why am I the one with a weight problem? Why are they prettier than me? Why are most of my friends in such good shape? Have I been such a bad person that this is my punishment?

How do I move forward when I doubt myself so much?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TERRY631
    Hi Leanne! Glad to see you here again and to hear that Mike and the boys are all doing well.

    I'll never understand how people can exclude someone else in a small group. It's such an unkind thing to do, no matter what the reason. I know it's difficult, but please try not to tie that into your self-worth or self-esteem. You know that you're a kind, generous, caring person....they are truly missing out on the gift of your friendship. You might consider addressing it directly w/them (I know, that's kind of scary) or just continue to make friendly overtures and just join in the laughter and conversation if you can.

    Just so you know...you're not alone w/the weight thing....I haven't made any progress w/weight loss since you left spark. As much as I dislike my current body shape/weight, I haven't seemed to be able to be motivated to keep at it. It's tough when you don't like exercising and you enjoy eating!! I just started to try to turn over a new leaf this week. Just started tracking my food again and did 1 1/2 miles on the elliptical for the first time in ages. We'll see if it sticks!

    Welcome back, and let's continue to support each other. I'm always here to lend an ear or to cheer you on.
    1319 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/21/2017 10:18:21 AM
  • CODEMAULER
    So glad to see you! I'm reminded of the saying that you can only be the best you there is cuz everyone else is taken. Keep the focus on yourself and your needs because you are worth it!! πŸ˜€πŸŽ‰πŸ’š
    1353 days ago
  • FRAN0426
    It is so good to see your blog, have missed you here on Spark People. It is tough once you get to not sparking to get back on track but I know you can do it. So good to hear your sons are doing great, that you and Mike are doing good too. The biggest problem is we are human and we don't always keep up with doing things that are good for us, we make mistakes. Start out slow, track exercise or track nutrition to start, then gradually add the other. Small steps at a time, just like when you started.
    Jim and I no longer live in Minnesota. We came to Texas 2 winters ago, fell in love with this area and bought into a senior mobile park and enjoy living here full time. It was difficult to leave our two grown children and granddaughter back in Mn. but all of them are busy all the time anyway. Both of our sisters are still up in Mn. too. We do have big celebrations here for the holidays so are around many people during the holidays. We came up last Thanksgiving and froze the two weeks we were there, so told the kids we will celebrate a holiday when we come home in July, which we did this year. Once again it was so good to see you on sparks, please consider returning, you have been missed.
    1354 days ago
  • DEE107
    hugs coming here more often and complain my friend
    1355 days ago
  • XNANNY
    I think you need a workout buddy! Also a diet buddy! Mike might just fit the job.
    1355 days ago
  • PCOH051610
    Hi! I'm so glad you've blogged as you are one of my favourite Sparkers. Could you be depressed? You listed the reasons why your job is satisfying but it sounds like the social part of work is a bit trying.

    As for comparing yourself to your other family members - stop it before you drive yourself crazy. YOU are just as beautiful as they are! A Maybe they are looking at you wondering why you have "it all".

    As for your return - take it slow. As the others have said, make one small change at a time. Perhaps when the others are gathered in another office you could log into Spark!
    1355 days ago
  • MSANN59
    First try to love yourself praying for you πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ™πŸ™
    1355 days ago
  • KALANTHA
    Hi, Bovey63. I'm sorry you're in such a bad place right now. My suggestion would be to pick one small thing that will bring you closer to a healthy lifestyle -- something like talking a 10 minute walk at lunch time or drinking 8 glasses of water for 1 day. When you accomplish that give yourself credit. Why don't you stop by our QuickFire Challenge team and try our daily QuickFire Challenge. That might be a way to give you a littler jumpstart.

    I wish you well.

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    1355 days ago
  • KENDRACARROLL
    Hey! Welcome back! It's really good to hear from you!
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    Sounds like you're in a tough spot right now. Your blog proves one thing though: A good life does not equal happiness. I invite you to become a regular Sparker again. Log on every day, get involved. Maybe it'll help you get right with yourself again. You know it's a (slow) process. My wish is you'll get started today. Just pick one small goal and run with it! You've got this! I'm rooting for you!
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    1355 days ago
  • ROBINVOTAW
    I got into keeping calories by using the food log. I reward myself with sparkgoodies. I set really small goals too.
    1355 days ago
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