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Feeling overwhelmed

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

I have not written anything in a few years, yes a few years. I have not felt the willingness to let anyone see the inside of me, yet I am so crushed and hurting and I really feel I need to "speak" or I will definitely loose it.
Before I continue, let me just say that I love my husband and I feel like people will think I don't but I really do and that's why it hurts so.
My honey is 88, and lots of health issues going on, diabetes, kidney, high blood pressure, gout and diverticulitis.
Last March he had a mild heart attack and a big setback in health, mental and attitude. To the point that I can't leave him alone at home and take him with me on all my errands.
Now last month he had a mild stroke, another big setback, again in his health, mental and attitude. When I say mental, I mean his mind is not what it used to be, the reasoning part is off balance or something. The attitude is that he used to be a little harsh and now he is so much more, mean, angry and bitter. And he takes it out on me.
I mentioned it to the doctor and his answer was "I don't hit her". No he doesn't but the words hurt so much. Then he acts like nothing happened and denies it.
I work at home and I'm having such a difficult time because he requires so much looking after. I have not had a break since 12-29-17. He has fallen 3 times in two weeks and I can't help him up and he gets mad about that. I am constantly cleaning up after him because he spills most things and if I don't do it right away I'm afraid he'll slip and fall. He won't listen to what I say because he thinks I am trying to control him and doesn't realize that I am only looking after him. I am constantly on the verge of tears or crying like I am right now.
We have grown kids and when I try to tell them what's going on or something that happened, they laugh and think it's funny and it isn't funny to me. I am feeling so alone and don't feel I have anyone to talk to, and even if I did, no time. Lost in my own home. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DOODIE59
    I understand how lonely and alone you must feel.
    I wonder if your adult children live near enough that you could ask for an hour or two, once a week so that you can go out - not to run errands, but to sit by yourself, read a book at the library, soak up a beautiful view, have coffee w a friend - something that is positive to you. You deserve a break and the support, and it may help your children understand the stress you're under. They may well be laughing it off because to think that their mother's circumstances are as overwhelming as they are would be very upsetting. it IS very hard to accept that one's parents are getting older. But even a tiny break will give you some respite. Wishing peace for you.

    1215 days ago
    I understand that your husband denies having done wrong. His thinking is now skewed and he doesn't remember the affront or justifies it--one of the two.
    I was talking to someone about "enabling" this woman I know who was inspired to make things to send with participants in a mission trip. She didn't count the cost, has no concept of how long this project would take or what steps it would entail. It seems like she's flying "by the seat of her pants" and is relying heavily on many others to help her make this project happen. The person I was talking to explained that incompetent people truly do not realize that they ARE incompetent. Although my situation is far less grievous than yours, at least you know that others are also frustrated by things that are out of their control.
    Prayers for your endurance, Sweetie. emoticon
    1215 days ago
    I hear you. If you can continue to try to take care of yourself, get some help for your husband, and laugh once in a while things will be a bit easier.
    1215 days ago
    1215 days ago
  • P61763
    Thanks for sharing
    1215 days ago
    Stay positive it will get better, my dad is putting my mom through the same situation, he is completely dependant on her now. Trust in the Lord and things will hopefully get easier.
    1216 days ago
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