The scale read is up so I am buckling down. :)
Tuesday, April 21, 2020
Highest weight was 296 a few years ago. Last week I saw 300.4? on the scale but didn't count it as I weighed midday after eating. This am I weighed in after the facility usage, before eating, having only drank a few swigs of water. Scale read 295.4. I'm counting this as my weigh-in.
Last year, I think or maybe in '18 I lost 30lbs and I was elated. I was hitting the gym regularly, posting here on Spark near daily, taking pics of my meals, working out at home when I didn't feel like going to the gym. Ahhhhhhhh, I can be such a self sabotager. Or rather I was.
I am an excellent motivater for others, hell I am an excellent motivater to myself! I rally the troops alright but I frequently haven't followed through and it's so sucky because I literally KNOW all the 'right' things to do; I know what works for my body yet I keep slacking off. Grrrrrr.
I am grateful in that I haven't had a major health issue, I know many have and that's sparked their determination to stay on-routine and seriously get fit. I am all about prevention of the negatives yet by not adjusting to set backs I pack on weight...I do not want this to beckon the negatives. Sure, I've got some minor issues associated with excess weight and if I were talking to a friend, that alone would make me encourage her to get fit, hell I would even do it with her.
So why is it that I seem to devalue my own personal contributions to my own health. Why workout consistently with or for a friend but not stick with it for myself. Why consistently give into temptation and resort to adopting routines that don't fit my new lifestyle?
Maybe because I haven't fully committed to the new lifestyle before. I see the things I'm doing as a lifestyle change but when S.h. t.f. I fold; I relent into laziness. It starts with one workout miss and then two... I begin to overwork at work and book jobs during scheduled workout times because it's more convenient for my clients, or workers, but what about me, my health and my own plans. Why do I prioritize others above myself in this manner. Am I that unwilling to potentially lose a sale if I tell them I'm booked at that time. I used to over schedule, I know that was one of the issues...
As I sit here and contemplate signing a new contract, the revelation of my newly realized highest weight beacons me to pay attention to my past behaviors. This new agreement would require me to be at someone's home from 530a-5p; with a one hour drive each way and they requested a reduction of $150/w in the negotiations... As I type it out, it doesn't seem worth it. There will always be other clients and other avenues of generating $. However, I only have this one body to keep healthy and get back to a completely healthy state and getting up at 345am, not getting home til 6pish at night will not facilitate that shift.
In typing all of this, I realize the importance of 'getting things out'. I acknowledge my preference for the written work as opposed to just talking things through. Furthermore, I appreciate my ability to obtain expert advice from myself, just like I would give my friend.
Hey you! Wow, you read all of my post! Look at you superstar!!! Thank you SO much for taking this journey-ride with me as I weave through the depths of my mind and reveal it's contents. I need you to know how much your dedication to reading my post means to me and wish you lots of positive vibes, air hugs, and high-5s!!!:)