Welcoming myself back :-)
Friday, September 11, 2020
I'm back. LOL My journey has been convoluted but this is definitely "home". About 5 to 7 years ago, I lost about 150 lbs using the tools here. Changed my life, and began healing a lifetime of deep routed trauma surrounding my body image and trauma related to the roots of my weight problem. I reached a point where I hadn't been since I was about 14 years old, and then went through a protracted divorce and fell into some old habits. I also started graduate school while working full time in the past few years as well as became a Nana for the first time. Not excuses, but explanation. Over about 5 years, the weight slowly crept back and definitely Covid isolation didn't help. But last summer, I converted my garage into a home gym and have now been using it regularly (3-5 times a week) for about 6 months and now ready, with the support of my work bestie who is also doing Sparkpeople, to get the whole package together.
Which brings me to yesterday....for over a year, I've avoided my scale, in part because I KNOW I've gained and honestly, was beating myself up enough over it and wasn't ready to see how far. I thought it was going to devastate me. At my highest weight, I was 350 ish pounds and the last time I was on the scale, it was a year or two ago and at that time, I was about 260. I steeled myself with a "worst case scenario" number in my head of around 300 lbs and stepped on the scale to find, with shock, that I am 249.4. I actually got off and on the scale 3 times because I didn't believe it. The past 6 months of exercise has obviously done some good keeping me in check. I'm thrilled but know I still have a long way to go still, and once again, I'm committed. To me, Sparkpeople is the best tool out there because it's far less about "diet" than changing lifestyles. That's what I'm here for.
One thing that yesterday's shock on the scale brought into focus is that I'm still dealing with a level of body dysmorphia that needs to be worked on. Even when I lost 150 lbs I still saw that 350 lb girl in the mirror. That's another goal to work on. :-)