continuing experiment with flexing 9/20
Sunday, September 27, 2020
I have been giving myself full permission to eat everything in any amount except my old binge foods and have been experimenting with snacking. (I have been eating mostly at meal time for years and have been eliminating more foods, getting rather rigid in my meal makeup. I found that I still felt a lot of fear and a sense of morality/immorality around my eating. I did not like that, so I started the experiment sometime in August, I believe.) My weight had been fluctuating about a pound and suddenly jumped up four pounds. I refuse to panic. I will make a little more effort to fill my time with non-food/non-weight loss pursuits because I had been eating out of boredom. I am 100% sure I have not overeaten by 14,000 calories in the last few weeks, so it cannot be fat gain. Even if it were, I refuse to judge my worth because of it.
I do not recommend this experiment to bingers, frankly, unless you feel you have conquered most bingeing. I wanted to try it because I felt I had conquered it, though I felt I was too fearful of not adhering to a relatively strict eating plan in order to stay steady. I have been basically weight-stable for years. I wanted more of the sense of freedom some proponents of Intuitive Eating talk about, but I do NOT want to go through their process.
The foods that have been calling to me are peanuts, peanut butter, and melon. I think the end of melon season will take care of melon, as well as learning that some proponents of plant foods regard melon as the iceberg lettuce of fruit. I hardly ever have iceberg lettuce, even though I like the crunch. I want the good stuff from the greens! I am still negotiating with pb. I didn't have it around for months and decided to try it again. I may decide to drop it again for reasons similar to the melon; there are better fats to eat and better legumes, too, since they are a crossover. I keep mostly high nutrient foods at home and limit lower nutrition foods to one-meal portions eaten out of the house. I'd like to think I can keep pb in the rotation, but we'll see. I think I may limit eating it by time: only after I have had breakfast and lunch, so I'm sure I'm not letting it crowd out better choices.