I started 2020 with the resolution to this time lose weight and stick to my food and exercise plan. Having lost weight a few times before with SP, I knew how, it was the ‘sticking to it now matter what’ mentality that I needed to maintain. I was determined this year to learn from my previous mistakes (losing focus, turning to food for emotional support in difficult moments, going into denial and the ‘I will start again tomorrow’ mindset, etc.)
This time it will be different I promised myself! ‘ No matter what’ became my mantra. And 2020 started out pretty good and by February I was sticking to my foodplan and walking every day and losing weight.
And then somewhere in March we went into lockdown. Everyone was shocked and scared, but people were out walking and biking and getting fresh air while social distancing. It was frankly the perfect time to start comfort eating. Lots of people I knew were. Understandably. But I didn’t. Kept thinking of my promise to myself. Repeating ‘No matter what!’ over and over again. Thought I could handle anything coming my way, nothing would stop me this time. Even a pandemic. Increased my steps majorly, walking twice a day. The walking kept me sane, motivated and in a pretty good state of mind in spite of everything. I love walking!
And then came April.... Mid April I had a bad fall backwards and broke a vertebrae in my back. A compression fracture. I couldn’t walk more than a few steps to the bathroom, didn't feel my toes for weeks and frankly, was in alot of pain. I remember the feelings of fear and despair. Was stuck upstairs for weeks as I couldn’t walk down steps. Was afraid of what would happen. Would I heal ok? Would not have made it through this period without the loving attention of my better half, who literally waited on me hand and foot. Am so grateful to him.
I remember writing in my weight loss diary that I had to stop my program as I had fallen and broken my back and could barely move, let alone walk. Still remember the feelings of frustration and despair, that once again, my plan was ruined. Felt majorly sorry for myself. Had never broken a bone in my life, and then broke my back! And I wrote that I would now be keeping a diary about my recovery and would not be writing in my weight loss diary as I was unable to continue.
And yet... In the middle of the pain and sleepless nights and despair, there was this little voice that kept saying, ‘Don’t give up, remember your promise to yourself, No matter what.’ And so I didn’t. I got mad. But it was a good anger. An anger that said, ‘ No life, you are not going to defeat me! I promised myself. this will be the year!’ I may not be able to walk or exercise or move much, but I can stick to my foodplan!’ And so I did. Hobbled around upstairs to the bathroom with a walker. My world became very small. I missed being outside. Missed the small things. A shower, a pain free nights sleep. Missed people. Missed reading. Couldn’t hold a book. Too much pain. Spent my days watching news and Netflix lying flat in bed.
After about 3 weeks, I was able to stand on my own for a few seconds. And so got on the scale. Of course! Expected to see a weight gain due to my inactivity. But I had lost a few pounds!
And so I went back to writing in my weight loss diary. It felt good to be back. I proudly wrote that in spite of everything, I had stuck to my foodplan and that whatever my recovery would entail, or how long it would take, I was back on the program!
At a certain point I could walk a bit with my walker, went back and forth in the upstairs hallway. My husband bought me a rollator with wheels. And then I was finally able to get down the steps again without help. I think a month after the fall, we walked outside a little bit. Fresh air! Sunshine!
And so began my rehab of slowly walking every day. And I just continued and increased my steps weekly. Was still in pain but was told by the fysio that walking was good for me.
And I stuck to my foodplan. Kept entering my food on SP and my steps.
And just kept walking, and walking and walking...
All the neighbors cheered me on. Even people we didn't know would say hi and put their thumbs up from a distance. It helped.
It has taken quite awhile to heal. They even did more xrays, etc after 4 months to see why it was taking so long. Seems it was a pretty bad fracture. Was told I am lucky I am walking. It could have gone the other way. I am so, so grateful.
And now, here I am at the end of the year, the last day of 2020, feeling so much gratitude and a feeling of accomplishment. Because I did it! I lost 101 pounds in 2020! My goal was 100, so the extra pound was a bonus one!
I have learned alot. Have learned I am stronger than I think, that promises made to yourself and promises kept are so important to your happiness and self esteem. That day to day, sometimes hour to hour decisions build to major accomplishments. It’s those small moments that make all the difference.
I am still not 100% better. Can now walk around the house without help, but still need to take our long walks with my trusty rollator. Have enjoyed discovering more places in the countryside in our neighborhood. We love our morning walks the best!
And I end 2020 so grateful for my health, for my partners support, for the love of family so far away, but so close on facetime, and for keeping a promise to myself. ‘No matter what!’
This is a long blog, and maybe in the end no one will read this. But if you come across this, take heart. We are going through difficult times. But things will get better. Have faith in yourself. You can do whatever you set your mind to! Just take it one day, one decision at a time.