Mental Health Struggles
Monday, April 05, 2021
I'm having a rough few days. I'm going to get real with you guys in this blog post. I've been on antidepressants and anxiety medication most of my life. I've always been pretty okay with that. In the past few months, I worked with my doctor to wean myself off of my pills for pregnancy. I started the process in October and between going off of those and the birth control, I feel like a completely different person than I did a year ago.
It feels like everything effects me now. I can definitely tell that the medications were numbing me to make me functional. It's hard, but I'm really trying to manage my emotions and anxiety with healthy habits and meditation. But some days are just really hard. I've cried so many times in the past few days. I went jogging on Friday and started sobbing midway. I wasn't frustrated or anything; I guess my brain and my body was just working through something with the exercise and the music.
That being said, our old dog stopped eating over the past couple days and was acting lethargic. I took him to the vet this morning and he was running a fever. After running tests, they found he has an infection of some sort but his organ functions all seem to be fine. I left with antibiotics and was hopeful he'll be okay. But when I went to feed him dinner tonight (I'm now making him scrambled eggs to encourage his appetite), he couldn't even stand up. He has a lot of hip issues, which is typical with old German Shepherds, and I'm really hoping that he just overdid it with all the excitement of the car ride and the long vet visit and will be feeling better tomorrow. He did eat his dinner. But he's just been laying in the same spot all evening and can't seem to get his back end moving. And I'm just so sad. I know he's old and we knew when we took him a few months ago that we wouldn't have him long. I just wish I could do more for him. I've been crying all evening and my anxiety is out the roof.
By some miracle, I forced myself to exercise for 10 minutes today anyway. And it did make me feel better. I just desperately need to get out of my head.