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Mental Health Struggles

Monday, April 05, 2021

I'm having a rough few days. I'm going to get real with you guys in this blog post. I've been on antidepressants and anxiety medication most of my life. I've always been pretty okay with that. In the past few months, I worked with my doctor to wean myself off of my pills for pregnancy. I started the process in October and between going off of those and the birth control, I feel like a completely different person than I did a year ago.

It feels like everything effects me now. I can definitely tell that the medications were numbing me to make me functional. It's hard, but I'm really trying to manage my emotions and anxiety with healthy habits and meditation. But some days are just really hard. I've cried so many times in the past few days. I went jogging on Friday and started sobbing midway. I wasn't frustrated or anything; I guess my brain and my body was just working through something with the exercise and the music.

That being said, our old dog stopped eating over the past couple days and was acting lethargic. I took him to the vet this morning and he was running a fever. After running tests, they found he has an infection of some sort but his organ functions all seem to be fine. I left with antibiotics and was hopeful he'll be okay. But when I went to feed him dinner tonight (I'm now making him scrambled eggs to encourage his appetite), he couldn't even stand up. He has a lot of hip issues, which is typical with old German Shepherds, and I'm really hoping that he just overdid it with all the excitement of the car ride and the long vet visit and will be feeling better tomorrow. He did eat his dinner. But he's just been laying in the same spot all evening and can't seem to get his back end moving. And I'm just so sad. I know he's old and we knew when we took him a few months ago that we wouldn't have him long. I just wish I could do more for him. I've been crying all evening and my anxiety is out the roof.

By some miracle, I forced myself to exercise for 10 minutes today anyway. And it did make me feel better. I just desperately need to get out of my head.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You did good today. You held on and took care of yourself. emoticon
    41 days ago
  • KATIE5668
    Do your best to just focus on one day at a time. Tis hard to do and part of the process is to keep busy..if you keep the body moving the mind must focus on that activity. I learned to think of my mind as a long hallway with multiple doors. Some doors open to sunshine and joy..some doors open to darkness and sorrow. Thru activity and mental exercise, I won't lie it took time and effort..but I did learn to close those dark doors as soon as I realized they were swinging open!! Sorry about the dog..tis a difficult time ..just love him and do what is best for him.
    Hugs across the miles.
    41 days ago
  • JILLIAN0216
    Sending you light and love! I have been on antidepressants for years too. I weaned myself off before covid hit. I, too, felt like the meds numbed me to feeling emotions. I am very proud of you for exercising today. Hoping your dog feels better tomorrow.
    41 days ago
    42 days ago
    emoticon I hope your dog feels better soon! I hope you start to feeling like you old self again. Remember, to breathe. Emotions are temporary, they will pass... just breathe and let them pass right through.. I know it's not an easy thing to do.. You're in my thoughts and prayers......and so is your dog. emoticon emoticon
    42 days ago
    I hope your dog is doing better. Exercising can help. Eating healthy and avoiding sugared products can help. Try eating organic foods. Super Vitamin B Complex was a mood changer for me. I hope you're feeling better soon.
    42 days ago
    Anxiety is really hard. I am the opposite of you. I never took anything for it, just thinking, "Deal with it!" for 51 years, until this COVID-19 year of teaching. In December, finally decided to try something - "temporarily." I am not sure now if it will be temporary because this small dose of an SSRI makes such a big difference. It's a lot easier to let go of my worries, where before I'd spend so much time thinking about how I might be able to fix things that are actually out of my control. I think that regular cardio exercise (I was a long-distance ultrarunner for years) is probably what helped me cope all those years. I have noticed that since December, I still feel less anxious on the days that I have gone for a run (as opposed to a walk). Maybe it's the extra endorphins.

    I hope all goes well for you; you've got a lot of changes on your plate all at once, so be good to yourself and know you've got SparkFriends supporting you.
    42 days ago
    I used to get panic attacks and didn't cry for years. Oddly enough, it's when I finally started working through my anxiety that I began to cry... ALL THE TIME. But the crying seems to help release emotions I was holding on to!
    42 days ago
    The vet told me rice and lean hamburger is good for old dogs that are feeling unwell.If you need someone to talk to I take anti-depressants and have had intervention so I have some coping skills ,I was in a life altering accident and apparently it is common to be depressed when your mobility is compromised ,but you have had a lot of changes plus a pandemic please do not be too hard on yourself.People with less on their plates than you have been finding themselves in tears.
    42 days ago
    Weaning off your meds plus your pet's health is worrying you. No wonder you feel emotional! Try making time to relax maybe a nice bubble bath, reading a good book or going for a leisurely walk to clear your mind. Just know you will get through this! emoticon emoticon
    42 days ago
    Oh Rachel!! Hon I am so deeply sorry!!! Its so dang had to watch our beloved pets hit that point. As I type this, Izzy (Cat) came in an looked at me. She's also as I am in congestive heart failure, they do so MUCH for humans, not for pets. Well not her condition. I'd be laying on the floor with him, loving him with ALL I HAVE!! They know ,,sense how upset we are, they know it's because we love them so much. Izzy will be kitty cat #5 I'll lose. It'll break my heart a zillion times over as it is yours its fine for us to cry and cry and cry. I've heard many say to lose such a precious pet is worse than some parents. Crying is our way of starting to deal with it, just as smiling and laughing is when we first get them. It's a deep deep sadness.

    Are there any safe antidepressants you can be on while getting, being pregnant? If they've recommended any I'd not go on google the WORSE "Dr" there is (It told me with my heart I had a 50% chance of being dead in 5 years!! WELL LOTS on Google are so far outdated especially in relation to the medical field.

    Glad the exercise helped you. Do you take pictures when you exercising if you are outside? That helped me when I was severely depressed. I was for decades upon decades, I found an excellent therapist who I liked and she was firm, so firm, but yet I progressed. Things changed, I had found a MAOI that worked ,, eventually it worked so well I was able to develop the skills I needed, TY Therapist!! AND I went off them. It was a longgg haul. Something from the depression that helps me to this day is,, It taught me compassion.
    42 days ago
  • 1958TMC
    Oh honey, just breathe!! Stop for just a moment and take a deep breath. Try to relax. You will be ok.πŸŒΌπŸŒΌπŸŒΌπŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸŒ»πŸŒ»
    42 days ago
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