My reasons for starting this journey.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

There is no ONE thing that made me start dieting, but an accumulation of several things.

1. In December 2006 I found out I was a Type II diabetic and I'm deathly afraid of needles.
2. Intense pain in my knees (I need both totally replaced) and my lower back (2 slipped discs)
3. Getting winded walking across a room.
4. Having to become a contortionist to reach areas of my body to use the restroom or shower.
5. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.
6. Leaving a movie theatre or restaurant with bruises on my hips and thighs from the seat I forced my body into.
7. Tired of not being able to buy clothes in a "normal" store.
8. Paying more for large sized clothes.
9. If I died, my family would have to pay extra for an over-sized casket, then have to listen to everyone say "if she'd only lost weight."
10. Not being around to see my children get married or see my first grandchild.
11. Tired of lying to myself that I was okay despite my weight.
12. Tired of procrastinating going on a diet.
13. Tired of feeling like a failure.
14. Tired of being embarrassed and the way people looked at me.
15. Depressed to the point of suicide.
16. Seeing a friend who had bariatric surgery and realizing I had hope.
17. Wanting this to be the LAST diet I ever had to go on.

As the song goes, "these are a few of my favorite things." You must have your own list of reasons deadly enough to get you started. Then you have to have enough support and encouragement to stay the course. You will get that here at SP if you are an active participant.

In my past weight loss attempts, I was always doing it for someone else. "If I lose weight _______ will finally love me or love me more." "If I lose weight I can get pregnant." "If I lose weight I'll look better at the class reunion." "If I lose weight I will/can......................
..............." These were all the wrong reasons. Once the object was obtained I went back to business as usual - stuffing my face. I ate because I was unhappy, or upset, or feeling unloved, or depressed, or lonely, or stressed, or just having a bad day, or not being accepted, or whatever.

Before you go on this journey, you must first be convinced in your own mind that:
1. You are committed to the long road ahead.
2. You are doing it for yourself and no one else.
3. You absolutely WILL NOT give up or give in to anything or anyone to reach your goal.
4. You are worth it!

When I made up my mind to have the weight loss surgery, I didn't want to be a casualty. So Jan. 4, 2007 I began a modified low carb diet (The Mayo Clinic Diet) and started using the gym membership I had just received as a Christmas gift. I went to the gym 3 days a week. I couldn't use any machine that I had to stand up at, so I used only machines I could sit down at and mostly worked on my upper body and some core exercises. I was unable to get on the floor for any exercise, because I couldn't put pressure on my knees to get back up. I had to do sit-ups on a sit-up bench. I would then change into my swimsuit and do all my lower body exercises, swim and walk laps in the pool. I lost 47 lbs. and 26 1/2 inches prior to surgery which enabled me to have a safer surgery and a much quicker recovery. But weight loss surgery is only a tool. I still had to keep my head on straight, be true to myself and my goals. The 7 months prior to surgery, besides dieting and exercising, I acclaimated myself to the new lifestyle I would need to have in place to use post op. Since the day of my surgery I have not put anything in my mouth that was not on the food list my surgeon gave me. I refuse to be one of those people who gains any amount of weight back after surgery. Of course, the sights and smells of the foods I love still bring a longing to my eyes and mind. But I have a disease called morbid obesity and to have those foods again will poison my body. You would not knowingly eat rat poisoning or drink bleach, would you? Of course not! That's how you have to look at the food you eat. An alcoholic can not have just one drink. That one drink leads to something much more destructive. Does it break my heart to know that I can never have ice cream and Hershey's chocolate again? Yes, it does. But even after 12 months on this journey, if I took one bite of either of those things I would not stop. All that I have accomplished would be destroyed. And, believe me, this has been my biggest accomplishment since I gave birth to my children.

These are the reasons I started this journey; the reasons I stay on this journey; and the reasons that will get me to my destination. What are your reasons?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    YOU HAVE INSPIRED ME TODAY. emoticon emoticon
    YOUR STORY IS emoticon
    3433 days ago
  • PDT1PDT1
    Thank you for being willing to be so honest and put your heart right out there. For someone like me who relates so completely to everything you have shared it means everything to hear your voice. I am nervous to give up that hershey bar and actually feel something again. That is exactly like an alcoholic isn't it? I want more. I'm doing it. I refuse to stop. I will succeed. Now I just need a gym membership. Thanks.
    4119 days ago
    Hi hon, when everyone says your an inspiration they are so on!! Reading your blog I could have wrote the first part, everything you wrote was what I have been feeling, thinking, and saying!! I have one difference I have not been told I was diabetic.. I am SO GLAD for that!! I have wanted to do a RNY for about 10 years I've come close several times but, I've had a few problems over the years. FINALLY, I have everything in place I even have my op date!! It is scheduled for January, 5, 2010!! With a lot of hard work I hope to have the close to the same results as you do. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4182 days ago
    Linda you inspire me so much.
    4812 days ago
  • JA1730
    wow you are an inspiration. I thought about having the lap band surgery done but didn't do it. I have also come to realize that i want this for myself and no one else. I Like you am sick and tired of being sick and tired. you have come along way. I honor you for that. My problem is i always seem to quit when I hit a platue How do you get over those? anyway what an amazing story. you are my hero.


    4821 days ago
    Hi Linda,

    I can so relate to what you are saying about looking at certain foods like poison. That is exactly how I started looking at sugar when I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes last November! Since then I haven't had any sweets refined or otherwise, except diet soda and its been over a year now and I know I can't ever go back and I'm perfectly fine with that because I feel so good and it's worth giving up all those things. I still eat a lot of good food and I have learned to really enjoy it so I do not feel the least bit deprived. Your tastes really do change. I feel like I can do anything now. The way I eat has become a lifestyle that I just do...not a diet at all. I feel so free now and its a wonderful feeling not to think about food all of the time. I never thought I'd be able to do that but here I am. I also absolutely love the exercising! I feel so strong and powerful to do an hour of aerobics and still have energy to go on. It's just wonderful. I'm happier than I have ever been...can't wait to reach my goal! I know that you will reach yours too..you've got the right mindset! Congratulations!

    4889 days ago
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