A man walked into a bar carrying an ape in his arms. "I just bought this fella as a pet," he explained. "We have no children, so he's going to live with us, just like one of the family. He'll eat at our table, even sleep in the bed with me an... Read more
A salesman walks into the bar and asks, "You know where Bubba lives?"
"Sure," says the bartender, and he gives him directions. "But you gotta be careful. Don't honk your horn when you pull up in front of Bubba's house."
"Why not?" asks the... Read more
A drunk guy walks into a bar and looks up to see a lady with a French poodle. The drunk slurs, "Where did you get that pig?"
The lady, with a look of surprise, snaps back, "I'll have you know that it is a Frrrench poodle."
The drunk looks a... Read more
This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of paper. His spurs are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arres... Read more
A man goes into a bar and says, "Give me a drink before the trouble starts." And the bartender gives him a drink.
He drinks it and says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts."
He downs that one and says, "Give me another drink b... Read more
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm and says, "Beer please, and one for the road."
A man walked into a bar looking sad, and the bartender asked him, "What's the matter?" The man said, "My wife and I had a fight, an... Read more
After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us," the mother said, "but what made you decide to be a minister?"
"Well," the boy... Read more
A man was praying to God. He said, "God?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead," God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "A million years to me is only a second."
"Hmm," ... Read more
Do you think that Moses led the Israelites through the desert for forty years because God was testing him, or because he wanted them to really appreciate the promised land when they finally got there, or because Moses refused to ask anybody for ... Read more
I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden. "I need to have someone around for company."
"Okay," replied God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent, and gracious---she'll cook and clean for you and never ... Read more
Three nurses die and go up to heaven. And St. Peter says, "So tell me---what did you do with your life?" The first nurse says, "Well, I worked in an emergency room, and it was really challenging. But we were able to help some people and I thi... Read more
Three souls appeared before before St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter asked the first one, "What was your last annual salary?" The soul replied, "$200,000; I was a trial lawyer." St. Peter asked the second one the same question. The so... Read more
"I see there's a funeral in town today."
"I'm not sure, but I think it's the one in the coffin."
Started raining real hard about 30 minutes before we planned to leave to go to DMV but was only lightly raining by th... Read more
Three friends die in a car accident, and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to... Read more
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Yo' mama is so dumb, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran out with a spoon.
Yo' mama is so old, she walked into an antiques store and they kept her.
Yo' mama is so poor, they ask for her I.D. when she pays cash.
So th... Read more