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KITTYHAWK1949's Blogs

Wednesday, April 14, 2021      12 comments

A man exercises by sucking his stomach in every time he sees a beautiful woman. Son: Dad! I got a part in the school play! I play the husband. Dad: Too bad they didn't give you a speaking role. A little while back I got a RoboVac... Read more
Tuesday, April 13, 2021      13 comments

Why did God make man before woman? You need a rough draft before you make the final copy. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they won't hump your leg at a cocktail party. Did dishes today. So glad that I can do them wi... Read more
Monday, April 12, 2021      11 comments

A man walked into a supermarket and bought a loaf of bread, a pint of milk, and a frozen dinner for one. The woman at the checkout said, "You're single, aren't you?" The man said, "Yeah, how did you guess?" She said, "Because you're ugly." ... Read more
Sunday, April 11, 2021      12 comments

A young lady came home from a date looking sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell!" ... Read more
Saturday, April 10, 2021      10 comments

A woman comes home shouting, "Honey, pack your bags! I won the lottery!" The husband exclaims, "Wow! That's great! Should I pack for the ocean, or for the mountains, or what? And she says, "I don't care. Just get the he11 out." My i... Read more
Friday, April 09, 2021      10 comments

Men pass gas more often than women because women never close their mouths long enough to let the pressure build up. Did you hear about the couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "... Read more
Thursday, April 08, 2021      9 comments

Did you know that the shortest sentence in the English language is, "I am." Really. What's the longest sentence? "I do." I decided that instead of getting married I'd just buy a dog. Why? Because after the first year, a dog is stil... Read more
Wednesday, April 07, 2021      15 comments

Wife: If I died, would you marry again? Husband: Yes, I would. Wife: And would you let her come into my house? Husband: Yes. Wife: Would she sleep in my bed? Husband: Probably, yes. Wife: Would she use my golf clubs? Husband... Read more
Tuesday, April 06, 2021      12 comments

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married--then it was too late. Hey, baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Unfertilized. Beat it! Need to get Pebbles' nails done and I keep putting it off. I also need to g... Read more
Monday, April 05, 2021      12 comments

You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common. Why did you get married? I suppose it was the old business of "opposites attract." He wasn't pregnant and I was. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mati... Read more
Sunday, April 04, 2021      10 comments

Scientists have discovered a new food that lowers the female sex drive: wedding cake. Very few things upset my wife, and it makes me feel special to be one of them. I did dishes this morning. They were really piling up. Yesterday go... Read more
Saturday, April 03, 2021      8 comments

Woman: Do you ever notice the Wymans next door? How loving they are? How he always puts his arms around her and kisses her when he comes home? Why don't you do that? Man: If I knew her better, I would. One good thing about having a w... Read more
Friday, April 02, 2021      11 comments

So, a husband and wife are in bed watching 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' and the husband says, "Would you like to make love?" The wife says, "No." The husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says, "Yes." The husband says, "... Read more
Thursday, April 01, 2021      11 comments

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they do come home they expect to be fed and stroked and then left alone to sleep. E... Read more
Wednesday, March 31, 2021      14 comments

How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes. I want to buy a shotgun for my husband. Yes ma'am, does he know what gauge he wants? No, he doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him. I'm happy to repor... Read more

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