Did you know that the shortest sentence in the English language is, "I am."
Really. What's the longest sentence?
I decided that instead of getting married I'd just buy a dog.
Because after the first year, a dog is stil... Read more
Wife: If I died, would you marry again?
Husband: Yes, I would.
Wife: And would you let her come into my house?
Wife: Would she sleep in my bed?
Husband: Probably, yes.
Wife: Would she use my golf clubs?
Husband... Read more
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married--then it was too late.
Hey, baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?
Unfertilized. Beat it!
Need to get Pebbles' nails done and I keep putting it off. I also need to g... Read more
You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common. Why did you get married?
I suppose it was the old business of "opposites attract." He wasn't pregnant and I was.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mati... Read more
Scientists have discovered a new food that lowers the female sex drive: wedding cake.
Very few things upset my wife, and it makes me feel special to be one of them.
I did dishes this morning. They were really piling up. Yesterday go... Read more
Woman: Do you ever notice the Wymans next door? How loving they are? How he always puts his arms around her and kisses her when he comes home? Why don't you do that?
Man: If I knew her better, I would.
One good thing about having a w... Read more
So, a husband and wife are in bed watching 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' and the husband says, "Would you like to make love?"
The wife says, "No."
The husband says, "Is that your final answer?"
The wife says, "Yes."
The husband says, "... Read more
I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they do come home they expect to be fed and stroked and then left alone to sleep. E... Read more
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
I want to buy a shotgun for my husband.
Yes ma'am, does he know what gauge he wants?
No, he doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
I'm happy to repor... Read more
Do you know why women fake orgasm?
Because men fake foreplay.
If a man is in the forest, talking to himself, with no woman around, is he still wrong?
If a woman is in the forest, talking to herself, with no man around, is she still c... Read more
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Why are women's brains cheaper than men's brains?
Because women's brains are used.
Had some issues this morning with having to logon to SP several times so hop... Read more
Waitress: So, what'll it be, mister?
Customer: Tell you what. I want my eggs hard and burned around the edges, I want my bacon burnt to a crisp, and I want my toast blackened and hard. I want my coffee bitter, and when you bring me my food... Read more
Did you know there are female hormones in beer?
Female hormones in beer? Impossible.
There are. You drink a lot of beer and you get fat, you talk too much and don't make sense, you cry, and you can't drive a car.
I was so happy when I... Read more
Husband: I haven't spoken to my wife for eighteen months---I don't like to interrupt her.
Women like silent men; they think we're listening.
Took both cars in today to get checked and oil change. My older car was making a noise when ... Read more
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What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
I have been doing good so far thi... Read more