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BADASSBLONDIE's Photo BADASSBLONDIE Posts: 3,400
5/19/20 11:19 A

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Heather - *hugs* marriage and parenting is f*cking HARD. *hugs*

Kourtney

Weight loss is not a focus right now.
JAHINTZY's Photo JAHINTZY SparkPoints: (22,891)
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5/18/20 11:54 A

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Oh my :( Randy and I had many chats about discipline practices in the years before agreeing we were "ready." That does sound a little crazy, but also very familiar - I know a lot of people who were raised with similar practices.

Jen

"For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself - you will never find it without."


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HEATHHILL's Photo HEATHHILL Posts: 8,336
5/18/20 7:02 A

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Differences in child rearing philosophy and approach caused a hell of a lot of issues in our house. Houston believed in time outs, but for him that meant putting Sydney in the bathroom and standing there watching her until she stopped having a tantrum and then lecturing her. I never liked it but my opinion didn't really matter a lot to him then. He was the one home, he was the disciplinarian, blah blah........I just showered her with love to overcome him and slept in the same bed with her for years so she was sure to be loved and cuddled. Sometimes I think my husband is insane........really.......

- Heather -

Co-Leader Swimming for Cardio Team

Co-Leader Members Motivating Members Team

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

CALGALFOX's Photo CALGALFOX Posts: 7,552
5/17/20 8:18 P

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I know! Loquats and kumquats are so yummy and fun! I just uncovered the steep bank off the front of the house (pulled out two truck fulls of ice plant) and Recovered more area. I think I’ll plant a bunch of dwarf citrus trees for erosion control! Plus, of course lots of colorful, bee happy flowers. Fun day in the yard with intermittent sprinkly rain.

Anything that helps with baby rearing is a help! Whatever works is the best thing to add to your arsenal.

“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... WOW! What a ride!”
~Author Unknown

JAHINTZY's Photo JAHINTZY SparkPoints: (22,891)
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5/16/20 10:50 P

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Kumquats!!! Yumm :)

Oh Heather, I'm sure that's super stressful. I agree with Kourtney, maybe commit to something that's out of the house and not work lol

I was gifted a subscription to "growing child" and it's been helpful to me to understand the different developmental stages. RJ started throwing fits around his first birthday, he'll just go dead weight and plop. Lots of fun. Really. I partly ignore it and partly play distraction.

Today I took him within view of the playground and it was WORST EVER that he couldn't go to it. So I carried him screaming to where we could play out of view of the playground and all was right with the world.

As for carrying with the wrap, he's always been really happy to be in the wrap. As he got more mobile he preferred to be on my hip so he could see both forward and back over my shoulder. There's often a limit to how long I could stand in one place with him though. He'll start to try to climb out and twist around if I stand still too long. Thankfully the line at the market moved quickly enough and we were outside so he was watching the road construction and other goings-on.

Jen

"For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself - you will never find it without."


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CALGALFOX's Photo CALGALFOX Posts: 7,552
5/16/20 8:19 P

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Haha Kourtney, we posted about the same time. My saving grace was the STEP books, one for very young children, one for the middlin’ ages and one for teens. Do you want me to send one to you? It literally saved us all. I did not have parenting modeled in a way that I would subject any child of mine to...but then, what do you do. I read all of the different parenting method books and liked STEP the best, so I took a class and realized once was not enough. I took a second one...then I took the training and became a leader, taking it with others for the next 12 years...so I have no expertise to share on parenting lol. None. But, the method saved my sanity and helped to no end raise children that are scary smart.

The one suggestion that I found the very most helpful out of the book was to offer a choice. I used it as a distraction ALL the time. Jay didn’t ever scream or fuss once I taught him to negotiate...but he’s just not a normal human. Casie loved to throw fits, OMG was she good at it! We had a rule that you couldn’t scream in the car. I’d pull over, set her down outside and tell her to let me know when she was done...she said in a very hiccuppy voice (when a group of little old ladies passed by) “I just wanted a hug!” She was 16 months old when she did that...I wanted to give her away!

So everything became choices - some fun, some just daily bs stuff. But, it distracted her in a learn how to make decisions kind of way. Screaming child, you seem cranky, do you want this toy or this toy to help you? Wait, I can’t hear you when you scream/fuss. The not hearing, even though I was talking to her, was the most powerful tool in my arsenal - though it may do nothing for you. That is the biggest problem that I see with kids, they are all formed so differently.

Jay I had to consider his dark and twisty side as a teen...even pre-teen and hope that he made it to adulthood. I always said if he lived to 18 that I did my job. But I shouldn’t talk about the hood of teens with you guys - sorry!

I can honestly say that there has been no greater joy than each stage of childhood and adulthood for me. But, I will also say that I used to joke a lot with my parent friends about the uses of duct tape...if only.

Oh, and finger puppets were the best distractions ever. They’re tiny and you can keep them in your purse/diaper bag for when you need distractions. I had voices and personalities for different characters. I had this super obnoxious moose that’s name was Interuptus and when she was ready to throw a hissy I would pop him out and say, “Wait! It’s MY TURN!” And then he’d be super obnoxious ... and others looked on but didn’t say anything ... but wasn’t that far better than her going into one of her wailing sessions?

Also, my best friend had the kid from hell. She really did. He could remember to scream for 45 minutes solid. What kid can do that? He seriously screamed at the top of his lungs for 45 minutes in my van while we sat outside of it. I told her someone had to have that kid and it might as well be her. LOL. He is a complete and totally lovely adult. He grew out of it and has always been special to me. He’s just a very, very, very tortured personality. He has survived and thrived and yours will too.

Please be welcome to come and vent. They don’t come with instructions and you have to figure it out together. That to me is a big key. We had to come to an agreement that we would try to parent together. Not that it was the same lol. When I’d pick Casie up from our friends house, she would grab her stuff and be ready to go...when Tom picked her up, he’d gather all her stuff and then also carry her...hmmmm...

“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... WOW! What a ride!”
~Author Unknown

CALGALFOX's Photo CALGALFOX Posts: 7,552
5/16/20 7:55 P

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Heather - What you describe sounds like what I hear others saying right now about projects, take heart, this too shall pass...but maybe not before you beat him silly lol.

Yes, what Sydney feels is what she feels. Full stop. We’re a white and privileged class, of coursed many others have it worse, that doesn’t mean that this isn’t awful. I have nothing to complain about...except that we have insane federal government that’s changing our illustrious court system to ... well, we don’t really know yet, but we’re starting to see it. I find our living situation so very stressful and I’m in California, so my vote counts for nothing at all. I sure wish we could fix the electoral college system...

So rant all you like! I drive Tom crazy with thinking about future projects and I’ve learned to add, “this one is probably two years out...but I was thinking...” That seems to help - lol.

I’ll take pictures tomorrow morning when the light is so nice. We have 35 fig trees in, 33 of them are espalier so won’t take up much room, then 28 pomegranates with 22 being espalier and the others will be bushes along the top of the hill. We added 12 more blueberries, 8 raspberries, 3 boysenberries, lantana (all colors!), red geraniums, Shasta daisies, 1,200 gladiolus and thousands of sunflowers and poppies. Whew, it’s a lot of work, but super rewarding. Oh, and 10 different, fun citrus (since we’re in California). Things like fingerling limes, kumquats, loquats, Cuties and the like. Super fun! I know, we’re crazy!

We have the opposite of the 85% done thing - lol!

And, meanwhile, back at the ranch, we got our new electrical in, tomorrow they are putting in our instant hot water heater and then we’ll be ready to start grading for the art studio!

“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... WOW! What a ride!”
~Author Unknown

BADASSBLONDIE's Photo BADASSBLONDIE Posts: 3,400
5/16/20 7:37 P

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Carol - *hugs back* I think any age of kid would be a lot right now. I definitely do NOT envy having a high school / college-aged kid right now (*hugs* Heather). Definitely post some before/after pictures of this project!

Jen - I want to punch that person FOR you. What an @sshole. How do you get RJ to tolerate the wrap now that he's mobile? I'm nervous to try it with Amelia.

Heather - omg all the hugs your way. I will never understand the mindset of "others have it worse, so get over it." That's just... not how emotions work. And OMG I feel you on things being left partially done for ages. I know I need to be like more willing, myself ,to do things partway and take a break blah blah blah... but it doesn't count as "helping" with the laundry to put it in the washer. Next comes the dryer. And the putting away. *eye roll*.

Anywho - HUGE hugs for you and Sydney. This must be so so so hard for her and for you. For what it's worth, I think it might be worth talking with your husband about how he can best support Sydney and you with this transition. When you feel like you can have a conversation instead of a screaming match, of course. B/c he's clearly not gonna get there on his own. _sigh_ (PS - don't pick up a second job unless you have to? But maybe DO get some YOU time outside the house every Saturday instead? And I mean YOU time, not running errands.)

***

Hi hi.

Well today was...interesting. Amelia has finally learned how to have big girl tantrums. _sigh_ My husband's preferred way to deal with it is to ignore it, whereas my preferred way is distraction. Neither of us are terribly successful, but I obviously think my way is better (and quieter).

So we switch off who gets up early with Amelia on the weekends, and today was his day. The other person gets to do whatever they want until 9:30am. If they choose to get outta bed, they're "invisible."

Long story short, today was Mike's day to get up, but I got up at 8:30 to help b/c she had been screaming for no obvious reason for a solid 25 min. I found them in her room, her standing in her crib just screaming at him, him sitting in the rocker taking deep breaths... I told him to take a break and I'd take over. She was done screaming within a min. So yeah, looks like my way is a bit better...

She proceeded to be angry/easily-made-screechy most of the morning, took a 4 hr nap, was well behaved for a couple hours, then started being angry again. Around 5:30 I fed her, got her ready for bed, etc. (bedtime is 6:30). During this, Mike mentioned that he was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch...he's still there. It's 7:30 now.

I just... I'm exhausted too, dear husband, but I push through it b/c sometimes that's just how f*cking parenting works. Consider trying it? *eye roll* Also, you're the cook in this house and I AM HUNGRY.

On the plus side, I got a water table for $15 from a mom in the area (and put it together during Mike's nap)! It's supposed to rain like all week next week so that should fill 'er up w/o much effort lol :). I hope Amelia likes it.

OK that's enough babbling. xoxo

Kourtney

Weight loss is not a focus right now.
HEATHHILL's Photo HEATHHILL Posts: 8,336
5/16/20 11:46 A

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There are so many ups and downs with babies. My husband was stuck in an apartment in Queens for the first 12 months with her every day (ok I was also there the first 12 weeks). He had nowhere to go but parks that were just full of kids. We did our best to get out of the city as much as we could on weekends, and we moved when she was a year old to the house we're in now. It's very hard with little ones, make sure to find breaks for yourselves!

It's getting really hard here. The finality of the senior year with nothing normal is really hitting Sydney and me. And Houston isn't helping.......he keep basically saying suck it up, people are dying. And I keep saying to Sydney you are allowed to have your feelings. At least express them to me and I will accept them. We know others have it worse, we know that. That doesn't mean we can't still have our feelings of grief and loss. I'll bet anything 6 months from now my stupid husband will start going on and on about how sad it was she missed graduation and I'll be like, hey, I dealt with it then, move on now buddy. I need to get a break from these people in my house.

Sydney's going to go work at the DQ where her friend works. She'll start right after AP exams end this week. She needs to get out of here and she needs structure and it seems like a safe and clean environment. Drive through only. Maybe I'll get a job there Saturdays.......

So, more venting please.....we started re-doing our mud room at least three weeks ago. I know two weeks ago husband hurt his hand so we lost a week on it, but we're still working on it. And then this morning he spends over an hour researching ways to cover the marble tile on our kitchen counter. And drags me in to talk creatively about a solution. Then he finds one, and says we should go buy that stuff. And I say, can we PLEASE finish the mud room? And Mr. Creative says he wants to be ready for the next project so he'll start thinking about it now. And i just walk away because like EVERYTHING else in this house, anything he starts gets 85% done then he stops. And then I have to nag. Which honestly I don't want to do, and when I do, I get something back like, well you haven't done whatever......and I just think, no wonder I work so much..........

OK, thank you for letting me vent. Stuck here for the foreseeable future so I guess I have to find a way to make this continue to work.......

Carol, I want to see PICTURES!!!!! I'm so amazed at what you start and FINISH!!! LOL

- Heather -

Co-Leader Swimming for Cardio Team

Co-Leader Members Motivating Members Team

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

JAHINTZY's Photo JAHINTZY SparkPoints: (22,891)
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5/15/20 11:42 A

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Thanks Carol, it's hard and not in many ways? I'm glad I don't have to attempt getting RJ to wear a mask, it's a suffocation hazard for children under 2. Didn't stop some idiot at the store from telling me he should be wearing one though. Ugh.

We ventured to the farmer's market for our weekly groceries this morning and I wore RJ on my back with my wrap. Waiting in line and gathering groceries for an hour DEFINITELY counts as a workout with a 20some lb passenger!

Jen

"For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself - you will never find it without."


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CALGALFOX's Photo CALGALFOX Posts: 7,552
5/15/20 10:26 A

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Giant hugs to both of you with babies! I can't imagine the difficulties with a baby in a pandemic, it's so huge. I saw a mom with a two-year-old who was happily wearing a mask...my son never would have been willing. I tried and tried to get him to wear sunglasses and failed. As an adult he explained that his eyelashes were too long and they hit the glass...really? Thick, long eyelashes...where he get those?

I'm on news overload too, and not much is "good" that's for sure. We now have subscriptions to the Washington Post, Guardian and Economist...and I keep debating the LA Times but have been able to keep myself from giving in. At least I let go of watching the daily debacle of Trump's "updates" and now, thankfully he's stopped. As a citizen, I felt it was my duty and obligation to watch, but it became too painful and I allowed myself to fail - haha.

Today we should finish with the huge irrigation project and it's a great milestone. We had an electrician come and install a bigger/solar-ready electrical panel. We are moving from gas to electric/solar so we also bought an instant hot water heater that he's going to put in next. Then we start the art studio! I'm super excited to get that done! People will even be able to come visit during the pandemic since it will be a fully set-up little studio!

Okay, time to quit procrastinating and get some "paid" work done...thank you guys for being here!

“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... WOW! What a ride!”
~Author Unknown

BADASSBLONDIE's Photo BADASSBLONDIE Posts: 3,400
5/14/20 1:17 P

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Jen - huge hugs!!! Amelia has been super fussy today too. Sighhhh. My current goal is to uni-task more (so no more playing w my phone while watching tv, for example). It’s been helpful and meant a lot less Facebook time for me personally. I feel ya on bad news overload.

***

This week has been hard. Still adjusting to grandma + stressed out w work + baby crankiness. Mike and I are both EXHAUSTED. Love you guys.

Kourtney

Weight loss is not a focus right now.
JAHINTZY's Photo JAHINTZY SparkPoints: (22,891)
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5/14/20 9:50 A

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Hi folks, we're on the struggle bus today... RJ is just sooo fussy, this morning shirts were apparently terrible...

Teeth? Leap? Who knows...

Facebook is stressful, between the growing info about the rare inflammatory affliction in children and the death of a well known SCA member, my feed is a sad and scary place.

Jen

"For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself - you will never find it without."


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CALGALFOX's Photo CALGALFOX Posts: 7,552
5/13/20 3:39 P

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Hmmm...my post disappeared.

Adorable picture! She’s so cute!

We are having incredibly nice weather! Boring, old 70+ degrees again - haha, nah, I’ll take that every day!

We are finishing up our irrigation system and then it will be all automatic for the whole property! (Well, what we’ve planted of it anyway.)

Bagel picnics and woodland walks sound excellent...makes me think we should go to the Elkhorn Slough for a picnic!

“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... WOW! What a ride!”
~Author Unknown

JAHINTZY's Photo JAHINTZY SparkPoints: (22,891)
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5/11/20 5:47 P

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Aww yay baby day!

Heather, bagel breakfast sandwiches sounds like a great treat.

We've had a nice day, I got our propane and heating oil ordered, took a walk, had a nap with the boy, and went down to my dad's house for a physically distant visit in the woods.

The weather looks pretty good this week so I hope we'll get some good park time

Jen

"For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself - you will never find it without."


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BADASSBLONDIE's Photo BADASSBLONDIE Posts: 3,400
5/11/20 11:39 A

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Morning!

To start, here's a very adorable picture of Amelia "reading." So diligent.



Today's a baby day - Mike's in lab and we have the house to ourselves. We played out on the deck this morning and now she's napping.

xoxo

Kourtney

Weight loss is not a focus right now.
HEATHHILL's Photo HEATHHILL Posts: 8,336
5/11/20 8:21 A

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Good Morning! I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day or just Sunday!! I had a weekend filled with work. Have a lot to get done for a meeting this week, and we never would have gotten it all done in time had we not worked Saturday (and I worked yesterday).

Sydney had a lovely idea and went out yesterday and got bagel sandwiches for Mother's Day breakfast!! I was so happy!!! We did a little quick shopping at Wal Mart for some food and for some sewing materials for her and then I did some work. All in all, a nice day.

Tomorrow we go to get the stitches removed from hubby's fingers. Hopefully we get a good report!

Time for work now........treadmill sometime later today!

Have a FUN and ACTIVE week!!!

- Heather -

Co-Leader Swimming for Cardio Team

Co-Leader Members Motivating Members Team

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

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